Grace is 2 months old!

I am so surprised at how fast time is flying by with a baby in the house.  It seems like life revolves around sleeping, eating and pooping schedules .. lol,. but I would not have it any other way.  I have such joy at finally being a mommy and I wouldn't trade any of it away.  Even the sleep deprived horrible first few weeks we brought Grace home.  She is our miracle baby and I try hard every day to appreciate and live in the moment.

Yesterday we had Grace's 2 month well check and she weighed in at 11 pounds and is 21.75 inches long.  This is great news because until just about a week ago she was still wearing only Newborn sized clothing.  To say she is petite is definitely an understatement.  At this point I am not buying clothes for her until we need them. What I have in her drawers and closet will get us by until she's solidly in the next size of clothes.  I have a feeling she some of the 3-6 month clothes will go out of season before she wears them, and the same for her 6-9 month clothes.  But that's ok, luckily we didn't buy any clothes bigger than 9 months until we knew how much she would grow, which it appears isn't going to happen quickly.

Two weeks ago Grace started sleeping between 6 and 8 hours at night.  The first night she did it I woke up at 4:30 am in a panic and immediately thought she was dead.  But she was fine, just sleeping away in her Rock N Play. I kept putting my hand on her chest to make sure she was still breathing. After the third night I was hoping we had a pattern started and so far she's been sticking to it.  Some nights it takes a bit to get her to go down for the night, but usually she's asleep before 11pm and has been waking up between 5 and 7 am to nurse, then back to sleep for a few hours.  Usually we are up for the day no later than 9 am.  And I admit that occasionally I still put my hand on her chest to make sure she's breathing in the middle of the night.

During the day she seems to be setting a schedule as well.  After we are up in the morning, diaper changed and nursed, she's usually awake for an hour or so which allows me time to get a shower and blow dry my hair while she sits in her chair in the bathroom with me.  After that she nurses again and usually sleeps for about an hour. Then she's up for a few hours, nurses a few times in there and then back out for usually a 2-4 hour nap.  Evenings are a little more iffy.  She tends to want to nurse every 1-2 hours and take cat naps in between.  She's also a little bit more fussy in the evenings and mostly just wants to be held.

Grace is starting to smile all the time and likes to giggle.  She also has started being very vocal and "talks" to mommy and daddy all the time.  She's generally a very happy baby in the mornings.  She also holds her head up really well and loves to look around.  She gets upset if she wants to see stuff and you're not holding her in a way that allows that to happen.

I am adjusting well to being a stay at home mom.  The staying at home part has been easy after being home since April. But the being a mom part is a little more challenging.  I love it! But I always question myself about whether I am doing things the right way or not.  I try not to worry about it too much and to acknowledge that I will make mistakes and that's ok.  Like the other day, I felt so bad because I scratched her with one of my nails.  She cried like I had tried to kill her and it made me want to cry and I felt so guilty. Then I reminded myself that accidents happen and she's bound to get hurt and a scratch isn't a big deal.  Being a mom is hard enough work as it is without making myself feel guilty about every little thing.  So I just keep doing what I'm doing, hoping I am doing right by her, and enjoying every second I have with this precious miracle.

Crazy Life

Wow .. I can't believe it's been so long since I updated on here.  But it's true what they say about being a new mom and having zero time to spend on anything other than the baby.  So let's catch up on what's been going on!

As maybe previously posted, my doctors wanted to induce at 39 weeks because of the gestational diabetes. That meant I would go to the hospital on October 11th for the induction.  Well, that didn't happen.  Instead I got a call on Wednesday saying that one of the doctors decided that they were going to wait until Monday the 15th to induce.  No one said it, but I knew part of the reason is that the hospital had been super busy with baby's being born and they really weren't doing inductions on anyone if they could help it and mostly because there was no room.  I was really upset when I got that call and basically spent all of Wednesday being an emotional and hormonal ball of tears.  Oh did Steve love me!! We got into a big fight and everything.  But I couldn't help it.  I was so disappointed after having been told for weeks that I was being induced on that day and I was also worried about the baby.  It's not like they were planning to induce me for the fun of it, there are obviously medical reasons to induce at that point.

Thursday morning the 11th I wake up and go to my regularly scheduled NST at the hospital at 11 am (good thing we had scheduled this the week before and not relied on that being induction day).  I show up, they do the test and the nurse tells me that my blood pressure is elevated.  This is the second time in the past few weeks, so she wants to talk to the doctor on call.  And score for me because it's the doctor from the practice that was adamant I be induced at 39 weeks on the dot.  I knew if there was any chance of me staying and getting induced anyways, this would be it.  He decided to run bloodwork for pre-eclampsia and the nurse came back an hour later to tell me the doctor decided he was keeping me and they would start the induction that evening.  I called Steve, told him to grab my bags and come to the hospital.  The doctor came to see me shortly after that and told me that my bloodwork was fine, but since I was 39 weeks and had the gestational diabetes he wanted to keep me anyways.  It would be a few hours until they started the induction because there were already a lot of women in labor and delivery, but he didn't want me to go home.  At this point it was early afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.  He told me I could have Steve bring me dinner and get a shower there but he didn't want me to go home and induction would start around 9 pm.

I didn't actually get my IV and moved into a labor room until after 10 pm that night.  Apparently there were 5 babies born between 6 and 8 pm so there wasn't any time for them to get me ready, nor was there a room they could put me in until then. At 10:30pm they finally started me on the cytotech which is teeny tiny pill I would have to take every 4 hours.  At this point  I was already having mild contractions and they pills started making them a little more regular.  By 6 am the doctor was ready to start the pitocin and I was dilated to 1 cm.  And that's where I stopped.  The contractions continued to increase but I wasn't dilating.  The nurse checked me and said she felt scar tissue around my cervix and said it was probably because of a procedure I had done years ago.  At noon on Friday the doctor came in, broke my water, and attempted to break the scar tissue away, but it was too painful for me. He said it would be easier once I had the epidural, but I wasn't quite ready to do that yet and wasn't even sure if  I wanted an epidural.  However, the nurse said I wasn't going to be able to dilate any further without them breaking the scar tissue away and at this point the contractions were starting to get stronger.  I finally agreed that an epidural was probably the best option so the doctor could break away the scar tissue and I could finally start dilating. Unfortunately the anesthesiologists were all busy on other cases so I had to wait. Luckily they gave me something else for pain and that helped until I could get the epidural.

I was so happy when I got the epidural because I knew things were going to start progressing and I was anxious to have my baby.  But of course, I have really bad luck and things didn't go according to plan.  My contractions started to slow down and labor didn't progress with the pitocin.  A new doctor from my practice came on call then and he told me he couldn't give me any more pitocin so he wanted to stop the pitocin for a few hours and then start it back up again.  He said one of two things would happen, either my body would continue naturally in labor after stopping the pitocin or the pitocin would start my labor again that night.  At 8 pm I was only dilated to a 4 so the pitocin was started again.  At 4 am they checked me again and I was finally at an 8.  Meanwhile the entire time during active labor they had to check my blood sugar every 2 hours, plus I was hooked up to monitors to watch the baby and had a catheter because of the epidural.

Finally shortly after 7 am on Saturday October 13th I was ready to push.  The nurses told me that usually first time moms have to push for 2-3 hours, well let me tell you .. that was not happening!  I was bound and determined this baby was coming out and sooner than later.  At 7:50 am our beautiful little girl was born.  Grace Elizabeth was born weighing 7lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long.  After 9 years of marriage, several years of infertility treatments, 10 long months of pregnancy and 33 hours of labor, we had our miracle baby in our arms.

Since her birth we have been extremely busy.  The first two weeks at home were pretty difficult.  She had her days and nights mixed up and we had our hands full.  Now it's mostly a blur, but I can remember feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed and scared.  But week by week things have gotten better.  I know her better now and have gotten better at figuring out what she wants and needs.  Life with a baby is challenging, but it's been so rewarding already.  I am completely in love with her and so thrilled that she's a part of our lives.

Maternity Photo Shoot

Last weekend Steve and I got the opportunity to have a free maternity photo shoot.  A girl I went to high school with is starting up her own photography business (Studio One Two One) and approached me about doing a free shoot so that she could promote her business.  I was thrilled about the opportunity and excited to have professional pictures to document this amazing experience.  We agreed to meet at a local state park and let her use us as her guinea pigs.  All I  can say is that the photos were amazing, she was great to work with, and we are so letting her take baby girl's newborn pictures. And .. because you will see it in the photos, we have officially decided to name baby girl Grace Elizabeth.  Anyways .. here's a photo bomb of our pictures. Enjoy!!!

35 Weeks

Tomorrow I will officially be 35 weeks.  Time sure is flying by and I can't believe there are only a few more weeks left in this pregnancy.  Lots to update on .. so where to start?

Our amazing friends and family threw us a baby shower on August 26.  It was a lot of fun and we got lots of wonderful gifts from some really amazing friends and family.  The girls who put it all together did such a great job and I've had many people tell me it was the nicest shower they had been to.  Because I am a huge reader and really want to instill the idea of this in baby girl's life, we asked the guests to bring us a copy of their favorite story book instead of a card.  We got some really great books and I cannot wait to start reading them with her.  Here are some pics from the baby shower:

Last week I started weekly NST's (non stress tests), BPP's (biophysical profiles) and weekly OB visits.  The NST's are to test baby's heart rate with movement and to determine how she would fare during labor.  I had to go to labor and delivery for the test because my OB office does not perform them there.  They hooked me up to a machine with two probes - one to measure her heartbeat and one to measure any uterine activity (contractions). The nurse told me she would monitor for at least 20 minutes, but the test could take up to an hour.  She gave me a button to push every time she moved. The nurse told me what they are looking for is to see baby's heart rate go up at least 15 beats per minute with movement and they want to see this happen at least 2 times in 20 minutes.  At first baby wasn't being very active, but then she went crazy and passed the test with flying colors.  

On Friday last week I had my first BPP but they also combined it with a growth scan since it had been 5 weeks since the last one.  The BPP measures baby's heart rate, breathing, movement, and amniotic fluid around her.  They give a baby 2 points for each of the categories with a max score of 8/8. She passed the test with flying colors and measured in at 4lbs 14oz. She is now in the 50th percentile for her weight, which is good because that means she won't be too big of a baby. 

From this week forward I will have my BPP's on Mondays and NST's on Thursdays with an OB appointment mixed in there somewhere.  This week's BPP was great and she scored an 8/8.  NST is tomorrow and I imagine it will go well.  I also had my OB appointment today and got to meet the newest doctor in the practice.  This is nice so that when I go into labor I will know who is there delivering our baby girl.  

I also got interesting news from the doctor today.  Apparently because I have Gestational Diabetes, they will not let me go past 39 weeks.  I thought the only reason they would induce me would be if the baby was really big or if I went past my due date.  I guess that's not true.  So if baby girl isn't here by 39 weeks, which is October 11th, they will induce.  I was able to schedule my appointments for the rest of the pregnancy so I will find out for sure on October 8th when my induction will be.  I'm so excited but also nervous now.  I thought we had 5 weeks to go and now it's suddenly down to 4 or less .. crazy!!! 

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Daughter,

You aren't even here yet and I love you so much.  As I sit here writing this I can feel your movements and see my belly moving as you do what baby's in the womb do.  I can't wait to see your sweet face and kiss your downy head.  I have waited for this for so long and the time seems to drag some days.  Other days it seems like this pregnancy is flying by and I desperately try to enjoy each and every moment of it.  I don't know if I will get to ever experience this again and I have been so joyful in my happiness that I even get to experience this at all. I wonder what you will look like and what your personality will be.  I know already that you are probably going to be stubborn, but at least I know you come by it honestly.

Someday your dad and I will tell you all about the long road we traveled to get where we are, but for now, just know that you have always been wanted and have been loved from the first moment, maybe even before.  And because I love you so much already, I worry that I will not be good enough.  Will I be able to give you all of the love and attention that you need? Will you know how much I want you to be happy and only want what is best for you?

I look forward to all of your years and the adventures we will have.  I can't wait to play dress up and with dollhouses.  To play baseball and soccer and go swimming in the summer.  I look forward to your first day of school, your first boyfriend, your prom, your graduation, your wedding and everything else in between.  But even while looking forward to those things, I worry.  I want you to be a strong, independent person.  I want you to be compassionate and understanding and tolerant.  I want you to do what makes you the happiest in life, the thing you have the most passion for.  I want you to love and be loved. I want you to have a confidence in yourself and to love yourself for who you are.

But how? How do I raise a daughter? How do I help you become the person you are meant to be? How do I help you be all of these things?

I know I will make mistakes and that our relationship will not be perfect.  Because let's face it - nothing in life is perfect.  But that's ok.  I promise to tell you I'm sorry when I have made a mistake.  I promise to love you unconditionally no matter what.  I promise to listen to you and try to understand your point of view.  I promise to always be here for you, for the good and the bad.  I promise to listen with an open mind and heart. I promise to do the best that I can.

For now I just love you and your kicks and squirms.  I love knowing that in 10 weeks I will be holding you in my arms.  For now I just hold on to the idea that we have time, time to figure out all of the little stuff and time to enjoy the every day.

I love you baby girl.  I can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Mom

Growth Scan

Our growth scan was scheduled this past week on Wednesday.  I was 28weeks 6 days at the scan and baby girl was measuring right on track for our due date of October 18.  Apparently at this point they no longer use the CRL (crown to rump length) method for measurement, they measure the femur bone in the leg and use that for dating.  I of course had the tech check to make sure she was still a girl ... and she is!! I know it's silly to keep asking, but a part of me fears that here I am preparing for this baby girl and she will be born and actually be a boy.  How crazy would that be?  I would love the baby no matter what, but it would definitely take a little adjustment.

Baby is measuring right now in the 63rd percentile for her weight.  She was weighing in at 3lbs 2 oz.  The tech told us this is pretty normal and right now they aren't concerned about her size, but will be keeping an eye on it because of the gestational diabetes.  She also checked baby's heart and did a biophysical profile.  She told me that I will get both growth scans and biophysical profiles a little later in the pregnancy - usually around week 34-36 - which is only 5 or 6 weeks from now ... aaahhh!!!

That's all that's new for now .. getting anxious for our princess to be here.  Also excited about the baby shower which happens 3 weeks from today.  Only one doctors appointment this week - 30 week check up with the OB.  So far so good with everything ... and am still feeling pretty good, just starting to feel a little big now.  But that's ok .. the longer we make it, the healthier baby girl will be.

Happy 3rd Trimester!

It's so hard to believe that I've made it to 28 weeks already.  Only 12 more weeks to go and I think time is going to start flying by.  Right now it seems like a really long ways away, but once we have our baby shower in a few weeks I think things are going to really come together and we will be counting down the days.

Things have still been going fairly well with the pregnancy.  I have been increasing my insulin pretty much weekly, but that's pretty normal for this stage in pregnancy. My OB said I will probably see it leveling out in the next few weeks, but also not to be surprised if I see a little more increase in the next few weeks as well.

And lucky me .. I get another ultrasound!! They want to do a 28 week growth scan.  I think because of the Gestational Diabetes we can do another ultrasound to track her progress so that's always fun.  I love seeing my baby!! I briefly considered having a 3D ultrasound done, but they sort of freak me out and I think the pics are often a little scary looking.  I have seen some really great pictures though, but Steve reminds me that that's not a guarantee our pictures will look that way and do I want to take the risk?  So ... just another regular ultrasound for us.  Which is actually ok, because I think it's fun not to know what she's really going to look like until she's here.

I am now having OB and Endo appointments every 2 weeks, which is time consuming and exciting at the same time.  It's just one more milestone we've reached.  The OB said I will be starting NST's (nonstress tests) sometime between 32 and 34 weeks.  She didn't give me much detail, but I am pretty sure it's a weekly test and there will also be additional ultrasounds - all products of the gestational diabetes.

I am feeling lots of activity in my belly now.  She is a very active girl and is most active in the evenings. And occasionally for about an hour or so around 5 or 6 in the morning.  I am starting to feel a little more tired and after grocery shopping today, I realize that some things are becoming a little more difficult for me to do.  I have been seeing a chiropractor regularly and that's helped a lot.  I have been having some upper back pain which the doc says is my bodies way of compensating for my lower back and the pregnancy.  My only major complain at this point is the constant peeing - especially at night.  Some most nights I am up every hour on the hour (or more) to pee.  I guess this is just my practice for when she is here and has me up all night.

Here is a 28 week picture:

26 weeks

Wow .. it's hard to believe how quickly this pregnancy is flying by!! We only have 14 weeks left till we get to welcome our little girl (that's 98 days - double digits!!!).  Things have been going well and I really have no major complaints at this point.  I realize that I am very lucky with this pregnancy and despite the gestational diabetes, I feel great!

Some recent things that have been happening:

At my 20 week OB appointment the doctor decided that she wanted to be super cautious and send me for a Fetal Echo along with a level II ultrasound because the tech said at the 18 week anatomy scan the views were "limited".  So I had to make an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine at one of the hospitals in Pittsburgh.  Luckily they were able to get me in fairly quickly and we had our scans done on Monday June 11 at 21w4days. Steve wasn't able to go so my mom came with me instead. And everything went great!! Of course baby was being stubborn and the ultrasound tech had to work really hard to get a good view of her face and one of her hands, but she's perfect in every way.  All of her measurements were spot on and when the doctor did the fetal echo her heart was perfect and not affected by the GD at all.  I did have them check gender again, just to be sure she really is a girl .. and she is!!

A week after the ultrasound we went on vacation.  Steve and I decided that because we didn't go on vacation last summer with my nephew, Dante, (something we had been doing every year for the past couple of years), we needed to do something extra special this year.  We have gone to the beach in the past, but Steve didn't want to do that again.  So instead we decided on Disney!  It was a blast!! We flew out of the local airport into Orlando which was great because we only had a 15 minute drive to the airport, no parking fees, and it was a non stop flight.  We spent 6 nights at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and went to a different park every day.  We also made some time to go to SeaWorld.  Don't worry ... I will try to get a blog post up soon about our vacation with lots of pictures.

Symptom wise I have been feeling really good.  I have been nesting a little bit and trying to get things in the baby's room straightened out and ready for her arrival.  Steve still needs to work on her closet - redoing the light, drywalling and hanging a closet organizer. We also need to get the room painted and the floor rug scrubbed, but that means we have to get the remaining stuff out of the room.  I guess it's a good thing that all the baby furniture is on layaway and we don't have to worry about putting it somewhere.  We have been receiving some things from friends and family already, so that needs sorting and then eventually put away.

I'm starting to feel a little more tired in the past few days than I have been previously.  I am back to needing a little nap in the afternoon because I just can't seem to keep my eyes open.  I know that I only have a few more weeks until I am in the third trimester, so I am sure that I am just starting to get the early effects of being tired.

What's coming up soon:

I have another OB appointment in 2 weeks, then it will be appointments every 2 weeks from here on out.  That's always an exciting milestone to reach and the further along I get the more excited I am for her arrival.  But I'm also more and more nervous about it all as well.  I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that soon I will be bringing this little baby home .. and what the heck am I going to do with her???  I've wanted to be a mom for so long now, but yikes!! There's so many decisions to make right now and she's not even here yet.  I don't want to think about all of the decisions I will have to make once she's here.  It's very overwhelming at times, but I try to stay calm.  It's not helpful to me or the baby to be stressed out, but sometimes I just can't help it.

The baby shower is officially set for Sunday August 26.  I need to get the guest list finalized and addresses sorted out.  I'm excited for the shower and it's just one step closer to our baby being here.  Plus it's always fun to have a party and especially one that's focused around a baby that has been so badly wanted for so long.

Here's a 24 week baby bump picture:

20 Weeks

Yay!! I am officially at the halfway point in this pregnancy.  I never imagined being here and it's wonderful to know that moving forward I will be more pregnant than I have weeks left in the pregnancy.  This has been a goal I have been counting down to and it felt like it would never get here.  The next goal is 28 weeks which is the point where my doctor's office breathes a sigh of relief.

At this point I have been consistently feeling movement since about 18weeks 4 days.  It's an amazing feeling to have this baby moving and kicking inside me.  She isn't super active, but I usually feel here several times a day. At first the only time I could feel her was when I laid down on my back and relaxed. Then I could feel her kicking a little, but mostly just rolling.  And let me tell you, that is one weird feeling!! It's almost a combination of that feeling you get when you go through a steep dip in the road or on a roller coaster and a tickle.  Her favorite position is to lay across my stomach and face towards my back with her legs all curled up. I can tell when she is laying like this because I get an ache on my right side or the left side and if I push on my belly it's a little bit harder there.

Movements now are beginning to change.  I am starting to be able to feel her when I am sitting and a few times now when I am standing.  Yesterday was interesting because I kept getting this funny bump right near my belly button and I couldn't figure out what it was.  It happened like three times throughout the day and I finally decided she either had the hiccups or I was having a muscle spasm of my own.  I still don't know for sure, but would definitely be neat if it was her having the hiccups.

So far I still have not gained any weight.  I have been holding steady at the same weight for about 4 or 5 weeks now.  I have a little bit of a baby bump, but I would think at 5 months my belly should be a little bigger.  I suspect that later I will find myself being especially big.  The only problem I am having right now is that I am just not that hungry.  I do eat, but it doesn't take much to fill me up and some days I don't have much of an appetite.  Right now it feels like such a chore to figure out what to feed myself each day.  I think maybe I am just frustrated with trying to find the right combination of foods to fit my diet and to keep my sugars at a good level.

Tomorrow I have an OB appointment.   I am sure it will be a normal checkup.  I will have to let them know that the Endo doctor has put me on insulin at night before bed.  So far that has been going on.  My morning and breakfast numbers have been good.  I have added a little bit more carbs to my lunch meal so that number has increased a little and my dinner numbers are still a little up and down.  I see the Endo doctor next week and have to go in for blood work for my monthly thyroid check.

Other than that there isn't much happening.  My friends are getting together here at my house tomorrow to plan the baby shower.  We pretty much know what we are going to do, so it's mostly a meet and greet so everyone can meet each other and for them to be able to divvy up the work and costs between them.  I am thrilled that so many people want to help and are as excited about this baby as we are.

Oh ... we did do some other baby stuff this week.  Steve and I put our crib and dressers on layaway this week. We wanted to just buy them, but unfortunately we don't have room yet in the baby's room.  We are still working on getting our attic cleaned out and organized so that we can make room for baby stuff.  Right now the baby's room is being used as temporary storage while we sort everything out.  We are getting there, slowly but surely. But, back to baby purchases.  We also ordered our glider and it will take 10-12 weeks because we picked the wood and fabric we wanted.  Baby bedding has been decided upon, although not purchased yet and Steve has decided how he wants to paint the baby room.  This is one of the things I am letting him have control of because I can't paint and I want him to be as much a part of all of this as possible.  And he gets to help make all the decisions on the big purchases.  Usually I do the research and pick a few things I like and then let him choose from a couple of options or I pass the ideas by him and get his approval.  We really do make a great team and he is wonderful!! I think it's pretty cute when he decides that he wants to start looking at stuff and he gets online and starts showing me all this cute stuff he finds.

We still have some major work we are trying to get done in the house before the baby comes.  The biggest indoor project is to get her closest redone.  This means new drywall, mud and tape, and new electrical.  Right now Steve is working on replacing all of the bedroom doors upstairs so that they all match and latch properly (an issue we currently have).  He already replaced some lighting fixtures and we have a new one for the baby's room too, but he will put that up during the painting process. We ordered a fence for outside and a shed and we are just waiting for those to be installed.  We've been told by the end of June it should be happening.  The only other projects we really want to do is get a deck put on the back of the house, close in our little back porch and make it into a pantry.  We are hoping to have that done by the end of the summer, but we will see.

Other big news for us is that we are going to Disney in 2 1/2 weeks.  We are taking my mom and my 7 year old nephew with us.  We usually do a summer vacation with them but last year we didn't take one because of our IVF and next year we probably won't take a vacation because the baby will be too young.  And this is probably the last year we will be able to take any type of expensive vacation, so we decided to go all out. We are very excited and I can't wait to post pictures and stuff when we get back.

And finally ... here is a 20 week belly picture:

Anatomy Scan

Today was our big anatomy scan.  I am currently 18 weeks and 4 days so Steve and I were both hoping we would be able to find out the baby's gender.  My appointment was at 9 am which mean I had to be up around 7:30 to shower and do all that stuff. I was supposed to drink 16 oz of water an hour before the ultrasound and drink it in less than 15 minutes - no problem.

We got to the appointment and didn't have to wait very long to go back.  The first thing the ultrasound tech said was that my bladder wasn't full enough. I told her I drank 16 oz of water and haven't peed since before I started drinking the water.  She said a full bladder helps make the baby straighten up and right now the baby was curled up in a ball.  So she said I might have to come back again in a few weeks to repeat the scan. Darn, that would be so horrible to have to go back and get to see my baby again.

She said she would scan as much as she could and go from there.  So she started to scan the baby's arms and abdomen, heart and brain.  She kept saying everything looked perfect and baby was measuring right on target. She seemed pleased with everything so we were too.  She started to scan the spine and said she would have to do it in small sections because the baby was curled up and she couldn't see the very bottom of the spine and again said we would have to come back in a few weeks.  Then all of a sudden the baby decided to move a little bit and instead of being crouched down with legs drawn up, baby stretched its legs out and she was able to get the bottom of the spine and leg measurements.

Then she asked us if we wanted to know the gender if she was able to see and we said yes.  So she looked and showed us in between the legs and said it looked like a girl cause she wasn't really seeing any boy parts.  Then she scanned a few more things and got a better shot at the parts and confirmed again that there were not any boy parts.  So ... we are having a baby girl!!

In total the ultrasound only took like 20 minutes and at the end she wasn't sure if we would end up having to come back for another scan in a few weeks or not.  Either way I will be having more than the average number of ultrasounds because of my gestational diabetes, but those won't really start until closer to 30 weeks.  For now the baby is healthy looking and right on track. We are starting to decide on our final baby name - we've had a few that we like.  I won't tell you our final decision yet but our top two contenders are Grace Elizabeth and Madelyn Faith.

16 Weeks

Today I am 16 weeks.  It's exciting to be just a few weeks away from the half way point.  I had lots of appointments this week - both the OB and the Endo doctor. My appointment with the OB went well. We had to decide if we wanted to do some optional testing.  The first was cystic fibrosis testing and the second is a quad screening test that tests for possible birth defects.  After much discussion, Steve and I decided that we were not interested in this testing.  Basically our reasoning is that nothing we learned would change what we did about this pregnancy and in the end it's not worth the worry and stress that it would cause.  So we are going to enjoy this pregnancy and pray for a healthy baby and be grateful for whatever it is God has gifted us with.

I also got to schedule my anatomy ultrasound.  This is also the ultrasound where we can find out the sex of our baby.  At first Steve and I didn't want to know what we were having.  We are so happy and thrilled to be having a baby that we honestly do not care what sex the baby is.  However, both of our parents and most of our friends are against us waiting to find out.  Also, we know that because of the gestational diabetes we will end up having more ultrasounds than normal and at some point we risk the chance of finding out by accident.  And .. we have agreed that it's better to just find out now rather than wait. And .. I just don't know if I can wait :)

This morning I had an appointment with the Endocrinologist who is monitoring my sugars for the gestational diabetes.  So far things look great except for my 1 hour after breakfast level.  For some reason no matter what I eat within the diet parameters my sugars are over the 140 norm.  He said he would like me to eat 50% protein and 50% carbs and see if that can correct the problem.  If not he said we might do a little bit of insulin only at breakfast.  I am to continue monitoring my sugars and sending them in to him and follow up in 4 weeks.  If anything needs to happen in the mean time they will call and let me know.

At this point my symptoms have pretty much gone away.  I still have occasional queasiness and dry heave in the morning but it's like 1 day out of every 3 or 4.  I am less tired than before and feel like I have a lot more energy.  My sex drive has returned as well.  But my boobs are growing more and hurt again when I had been feeling some relief in that area the past few weeks.  I am now wearing a 42E in my bras and I know if I intend to breastfeed that these bras just are not going to cut it.   Of course Steve isn't complaining about this growth and I wouldn't be either if they didn't hurt so darn bad .. lol.

I have also been looking at bunches of baby stuff.  I am trying to find the patterns and stuff I like for the stroller and the car seat.  Basically trying to figure out all of the things that I like and want to register for.  But let me tell you - it's overwhelming!! I can't believe how much baby stuff there is out there and how many things you have to choose from.  Thank goodness for a few good friends who have helped me determine what stuff is important and what we can do without.  I am looking forward to all that will be coming as we progress through this pregnancy. 

16 week belly picture:

Hello 2nd Trimester!!!

I am so excited that today I am officially in my second trimester!! 14 weeks and counting and I am honestly beginning to get excited about this pregnancy.  Not that I wasn't excited before, but my excitement has always been equally tempered by my nervousness that something could go wrong.  As things are progressing I am feeling more and more comfortable and looking forward to enjoying pregnancy.  It also helps that my queasiness is almost completely gone and I am beginning to have some energy again.

Currently I have lost 15 pounds since we started the in vitro process in January and I am starting to get a little bit of a belly. It's not much, but enough that Steve has commented on it and a few other friends and family members.  Although I am also getting lots of comments that I am looking skinny. I think that's because my boobs are so much bigger and with the weight loss it's an optical illusion.  I look forward to having more of a defined pregnancy belly.

A lot has been going on with the pregnancy in the past couple of weeks.  At my 11 week appointment my OB decided that because of my history with PCOS (which gave me a higher than normal blood sugar level normally) that she wanted to do the 1 hour glucose test asap.  I guess this is pretty standard practice in early pregnancy for women with PCOS.  I failed the 1 hour test so last week I went back for the 3 hour glucose test.  I did both tests at the local hospital and those techs were amazing. For the 3 hour test I had to get a fasting blood draw, once it was processed they had me drink the glucose drink (fruit punch flavored thank goodness and not cola). Then I got blood draws at 1 hour, 2 hours, and 3 hours.  And this is where the techs there were so amazing. They have a bed that you can lay down between blood draws and they kept encouraging me to take advantage of it.  After the 1 hour test I did lay down and wow ... that made things so much better.  While I couldn't really nap, it was nice to be in a cool, darker area that was not the overcrowded waiting room.  In the end though, I failed the 3 hour test as well.  I officially have Gestational Diabetes.

Yesterday morning I had an appointment with the endocrinologist.  He said my levels were elevated, but they were not out of this world.  He thinks at this point we can control the diabetes with diet and exercise. The plan is for me to monitor my blood sugar first thing in the morning (fasting levels) and then again 1 hour after starting my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  He gave me a monitor and then sent me for diabetes counseling and education.  I went to another office where this wonderful nurse evaluated my current eating habits and then determined a meal plan that revolves around counting my carbs.  Because I am pregnant she did not want to limit my total caloric intake and only wants me to monitor my protein in making sure that I am getting enough servings in a day.  She was great and really helped me understand how to count carbs and how important it is to spread them evenly out through the day.  If anyone else is gestational or even just diabetic, I highly recommend the Calorie King for information about sugars and carbs and calories.  They have a great app for IPhone that I downloaded.  The best part about the app is that you can find your favorite restaurants and get a "food label" for the items on their menu. 

This morning I met with the OB coordinator and went over all of my test results and family history. She gave me a big bag of goodies to go home with. (There was a lot of cool stuff in that bag - magazines, a list of the classes offered by the hospital, formula samples, etc). Unfortunately I have to go back in 2 weeks because my blood pressure was a little high so she was concerned and wants me to see the physician next time. After that appointment I will get to schedule my anatomy ultrasound and will hopefully know the sex of this baby in the next 6 weeks.  Honestly, I don't care what this baby is.  I have zero preference and am basically only finding out so that planning the nursery and the baby shower will be easier for all involved. But .. it's still kind of exciting that we will know soon.

Oh .. and almost forgot.  I think I felt movement this morning. I'm not 100% sure that's what is was but here is what happened.  This morning I was laying in bed and had a muscle spasm in my shoulder.  The muscle spasm was one of those that pinches and jumps.  While this is happening I feel a funny feeling in my belly, just above and at my pelvic bone.  But it would happen and be gone just as quick.  It was like a muscle spasm, but not the kind I was having it my shoulder, it was more like a vibration, it was annoying, but not painful and very light.  And every time I would think I felt something, it would be gone. This happened a few times over the next couple of hours, but I just dismissed it.  Then right before I got in the shower I felt it again and realized that it was located exactly where I have been finding the baby's heartbeat.  I can only think that this is movement that I am feeling.  I haven't felt it since and I realize that it's a little early so I haven't gotten excited about it yet, but it would definitely be cool if that's what I was feeling.

Well .. that's all that's happening on the baby front.  There are some other things going on in my life and I hope to blog about them soon.  And I promise I am trying to get better about blogging as this is kind of the only place I am keeping a record of what's happening with this pregnancy and I really don't want to forget stuff. Till next time ... hugs!

8, 9, and 10 weeks

Wow .. it's hard to believe how quickly time seems to be flying by.  And sadly I have little time to update the blog with how things have been going.  That means things are going well - sort of the no news is good news adage.  So here is an update on what's been going on ...

8 weeks

At 8 weeks I had a viability scan with the RE's office.  They were basically checking to make sure it was a viable pregnancy with a good heartbeat.  And things were great.  Our little bean was measuring exactly on time and had a heart rate of about 165 beats per minute.  Steve was there for the ultrasound and it was so neat to see how in awe he was at seeing the heartbeat.  Our bean looked just like a little gummy bear. It's such an amazing thing to see your baby, but yet it still doesn't seem real yet.  And great news - the bleed is all healed!!

We have been officially released to the OB which I will see on March 30.  I am still doing the PIO shots which aren't fun and not actually necessary, but the RE feels it helps with transition from RE to OB. I am definitely looking forward to being finished with them.

Symptoms at 8 weeks were dry heaves in the morning and occasionally during the day, queasiness off and on all day, major hunger!, my "fat" pants are no longer comfortable when I sit down, still very tired, and boobs get big and then small again, but always sore. One other TMI symptom - feeling a little "leaky" down there. enough that my panties feel damp, but not soaked or anything.


9 weeks

Not much to report other than my symptoms and being super excited to be one week closer to the end of the first trimester. A lot of my symptoms seemed to increase again - especially the queasiness.  It wasn't as bad as weeks 6 and 7, but it was definitely worse than how I had been feeling in week 8.  Oh well .. I am grateful for symptoms because that means things are going well with the baby and I am trying my best not to complain about them.

Week 10

On the exact day of 10 weeks I received my fetal Doppler in the mail.  A lot of the women in my birth club recommended the Sonoline B and I was able to purchase it for about 50 bucks.  I knew that the product doesn't guarantee fetal heart tones until at least 12 weeks, but many of the women in my birthclub (babycenter.com) had been able to hear the baby's heart beat between 9 and 11 weeks.  So with fingers crossed and a caution to myself that it might not work, I attempted to find the baby's heartbeat.  I knew I needed to look as close to my pelvic bone as possible because the baby has not risen about the pelvic bone.  It took about 5 minutes .. but success!!  I was able to hear the heartbeat and it was such an amazing thing!! I knew it was the baby's heart and not mine because the rate ranged right around 165 - 170.  Many people say that the heartbeat sounds like galloping horses, but my nephew said it sounded like a train - the wheels going .. chug chug chug chug.  And I think of that every time I hear the heartbeat.

Of course I am obsessed right now and listen to it 2 to 3 times a day.  I know the novelty will wear off soon and I will only listen to it when I need reassurance. But for now it's calming and makes all of this a little more real.  It's still so hard to believe that there is this little person inside me! I am looking forward to my appointment at the end of the week (only 5 days to go!!). I am anxious to find out when I get to have another ultrasound - I want to see my little bean again!!

Symptoms at this point are pretty bearable.  I am still queasy off and on throughout the day, but it's bearable.  I am always hungry and am trying to keep my stomach always having something in it by eating several small snacks in between meals.  I am less tired .. but only marginally.  Instead of going to sleep at 9:30 I am able to stay up till about 10:30.  I am less tired during the day as well, but again .. only marginally.  I am also staring to have some issues with constipation and find myself having funny twitches and twinges in my belly.  I am also starting to have a little  bit of pain in my hips off and on and I suspect my uterus is growing and my body is beginning to prepare for the baby to get bigger.

All in all .. I am feeling pretty good.  I am definitely on the excited side of things and looking forward to the next several months. But mostly I am excited about bringing home this baby in the fall.  It seems so far away, but I am sure the time is going to fly by.

And in case I haven't mentioned it before .. my official due date is October 18

6 weeks 2 days

I thought for sure the title of this post was going to be "6 weeks 1 day and it's over".  Why? Because over the past week I have had 2 more days of bleeding like I did the night before the ultrasound.  At first I didn't get super concerned because I knew as long as the bleeding wasn't red or heavy, that things were find. But the 3 day of bleed was accompanied by cramps which is what spurred me to call the doctor.  I heard back from the nurse yesterday afternoon and she again assured me that things were fine.

So feeling reassured, I continue on with my day. Shortly before I was finished with work I feel this weird discharge down there. And it's a little warm. Not a gush like last pregnancy, but sort of how you feel when you know your period has started.  I go to the bathroom and sure enough, there's blood and it's bright red.  There are a few little clots but nothing major.  I leave work knowing that all I can do is wait and see what happens. I drive the half hour home and by the time I get there, the bleeding is almost gone. So i figure that everything is going to be fine. Until I go to the bathroom again and the bleeding is heavier and there is a huge blood clot in the toilet.  At this point I am totally freaked out. 

I call the doctor, she asks me some questions about the bleeding and tells me to call the clinic first thing in the morning to schedule an ultrasound. She also told me that if the bleeding gets super heavy or I start having severe pain, to call her back again. As the evening progresses, the bleeding doesn't really get worse, but i keep going through this cycle of gush some blood, go to the bathroom and pass some very large blood clots, wipe and start over again.  This lasts over the course of about 2 hours.  By this time I am totally convinced that the baby is gone and tomorrow's ultrasound is going to confirm my fears.  I cried myself to sleep knowing that IVF can help me get pregnant, but for some reason my body doesn't want me to stay pregnant.

I wake up this morning and am prepared for the news I am about to receive at the clinic.  I am not happy, but I am prepared.  I know that God has a plan and someway, somehow I will be a mom, this time just might not be it. 

Of course the clinic was super busy this morning, so I tune everyone else out and play games on my phone while I wait to go back for the ultrasound. I can be prepared for the news, but I'm not necessarily prepared to interact with other people.  Finally I get to go back for the ultrasound, the tech asks me about the bleeding and we talk about it briefly.  She starts the ultrasound and almost immediately says "I see a baby and a heartbeat".

My mouth dropped, this is not what I was expecting to hear.  I think I said "what?". She turned the screen towards me and points out the baby and it's flickering heartbeat.  I immediately started crying. I was so convinced this baby was gone and here it is .. fine and wonderful. The tech told me she needed to take some measurements and would also be looking for the source of the bleed.

Finally she turns the screen towards me again and shows me that gestational sac, the yolk sac inside and the baby inside. She shows me the area around the gestational sac where the bleed is coming from. She shows me that the baby is located at the top of my uterus where it's supposed to be (I guess if it was lower than it had been before it might signal a miscarriage in progress). She then gives me a close up of the baby again (as much of a close up as you can get at this early stage) and lets me watch the heart beating for a few moments.  It's amazing to see that flickering on the screen. I am so in love with this little bean it's crazy!

Next she goes over the measurements with me.  I am currently 6 weeks 2 days today, the baby CRL is measuring at 6 weeks 1 day, and the gestational sac is measuring at 6weeks.  The baby's heartbeat is 110 beats per minute which is 100% spot on for the 6 week range.  The baby's heart rate should increase to at least 120 bpm when I have my 8 week ultrasound. 

Next I meet with the doctor who reviews the information with me again.  She tells me that there are generally two reasons for the type of bleeding I had - a miscarriage or a subchorionic bleed. In my case she's certain that it is a bleed and not a miscarriage.  She said if the pregnancy was behind - meaning I am 6 weeks and measuring at 5 weeks, she would think it's a miscarriage.  She also said that it is a slow bleed, which gives it plenty of time to clot and result in the type of bleeding and clots I had yesterday.  She said the cramping is most likely a result of the bleeding because it irritates the uterus. The bleed is still there, so it's possible that I will experience more bleeding in the future.  But again, as long as the bleeding is not super heavy (meaning I don't fill a pad in an hour or less) and I don't have severe pain, things are fine.  But obviously I can always call if I have any questions.

Needless to say, I am over the moon!! Life is good and so far, this pregnancy is too. This really might work this time.

A scare and an ultrasound

Yesterday I was 5weeks and 3 days pregnant. It was a nervous day for me as this was when I had the bleeding during the last pregnancy.  It was a pretty uneventful day and we really didn't do much.  We spent most of the day lounging around, but did make it out to the grocery store for a few things.

In the evening I went to the bathroom and as I was sitting there peeing, I was thinking "wow .. I can't believe we made it the entire day and no blood. Tomorrow I will have made it one day longer this time than last time." Then I wiped ...

And there was blood.  Not a lot, but it was light red and almost like the first wipe when I realize that my period has started.  Of course I was devastated and automatically assumed the worse.  My husband though, wouldn't let me think that way.  He made me lay down on the couch and encouraged me not to stress.  He pointed out that last time I had gushed blood and I had clotting and lots of cramping, all things that I was not experiencing this time. 

After a few more trips to the bathroom over the course of a few hours the bleeding was gone. It never got any heavier than the first wipe. Of course by then I was resting in bed and trying not to freak myself out.  I knew we had an ultrasound this morning and that either way we would know if we had a baby or not.  It was nerve wracking, but I knew there wasn't anything I could do.

This morning I woke up to absolutely no bleeding, just a little bit of brown spotting. I was still have a little bit of cramping, but nothing heavy or too serious. And some felt a little stronger than previous, but at the same time I could have just been paranoid and reading a little more into things because of my nervousness. Regardless, I spent the morning relaxing and laying around in bed and on the couch.

Our ultrasound was scheduled today at 1:30 pm.  We got there early because we weren't sure how much traffic we would run into at that time of day.  Especially with today being a holiday and so many people being off work.  I basically told myself to be prepared for the worst news. And I almost had a panic attack once they brought me back to the waiting area. I wasn't expecting it but they checked my blood pressure and pulse and it was really really high.  And I knew it would be because I was so nervous.  The nurse told me I needed to go sit in the waiting room and take really deep breaths and try to relax.  After almost a 30 minute wait we were finally brought back to the ultrasound room. 

The tech informed us that it was too early to actually see a baby, but explained that she would be looking for a gestational sac in the uterus.  I was nervous all over again but just tried to lay there and relax.  I couldn't look at her face, so instead I turned and looked at Steve.  After a few minutes she confirmed that there was a gestational sac, but she needed to check inside and look for the yolk sac.  So again another few tense moments while we waited for her to find it.  She turned the monitor towards us and showed us the gestational sac and pointed out the yolk sac inside.  We were so relieved!!

After that she took measurements of the gestational sac and then checked its location in the uterus she showed us more pictures. She said the lining looked great, the sac was at the top of the uterus where it should be, and that I was measuring right on track.  The size of the sac was measuring 5w2days, but she said that's totally within the normal range. We asked if she could tell why I had the bleeding yesterday and she said she looked, but couldn't find any active bleeding. She printed a few pictures and then sent us back out to the waiting room to wait for the doctor.

The doctor came in to see us along with our IVF coordinator.  She let us know that everything looks great!! She was very happy and said that we were in great shape.  Right now we have less than a 10 percent chance of miscarriage, which is comforting.  They want to see us again at 8 weeks for another ultrasound to confirm viability by seeing the baby's heartbeat.  The doctor said that at that point we would have a less than 5% chance of miscarriage.  Steve and I both agreed, we cannot wait to get to that point.   She also told me I could stop taking the baby aspirin and the metformin.  So now I am just taking the thyroid pill in the morning and the prenatal at night.  And I am still doing the Progesterone in Oil shot at night as well. 

We are so thrilled to be where we are.  We know that we are not out of the woods yet, but we are one step closer.

Beta's

I have been waiting to write this post until we had both of our beta's done.  The reason is that last time it was very stressful as my first beta at 13 days past ovulation was 40 and the second one 2 days later was only a 60.  We had to wait 6 more days before we could comfortably confirm that this was a viable pregnancy.  So, I wanted to wait till I knew what we were dealing with.

Beta #1 was on Wednesday at 13 days past ovulation and came back at 56.  We were thrilled as this number was higher than our starting point last time.  Beta #2 was yesterday at 15 days past ovulation and came in at 111.  The nurse said it was a perfect double and that they will not do any more beta's.  She said the next step is an ultrasound which can't happen until there is something that can be seen.  We are scheduled for that on Monday February 20th.  I am both nervous and excited for the ultrasound because I will be 5 weeks and 4 days on the 20th, which is one day past when we had the miscarriage last time. 

However, over all I am much more calm about things.  I think the biggest thing is that I know I have zero control over what happens next.  If this pregnancy is meant to happen, it's going to happen and if it's not, there is nothing I can do to change that.  I also know that I've been through the worse thing imaginable (at least imaginable for me at this stage) and I made it through it once, I can do it again and will be alright. It's nice actually, because I am finding myself much more relaxed and stress free.

That being said, I am still nervous that we will miscarry. I also still analyze every twitch, twinge, or cramp I feel.  I think that I would be that way regardless.  I am also a little nervous about my lack of symptoms at this point, although I know that I am only 4 weeks and 2 days right now: there is plenty of time to have symptoms.

Current symptoms:

• My boobs a little sore and are bigger than normal. I am fully filling out my bra now whereas before I had a little bit of room in them.  And I am a big girl in the boob department.  My current size is 40DD.  If they get much bigger, I might have to think about buying new bras.
• I am having some queasiness.  It comes and goes and is never very severe.  I seem to notice it the most in the morning and early afternoon.  By evening it's usually gone.
• I have occasional mild, light cramping. Most of what I am feeling is actually coming from the area of my left ovary.  I think that it is still recovering from all of the meds and egg retrieval. It's always been my more sensitive ovary and I can usually feel "things" going on with it more than the right one.
• I am super super tired!! I have been in bed by 9:30 pm every night this past week.  This morning I was up at 7:30 am and took a nap from 11:00 am to 12:30 pm.  It's now almost 9:15 pm and I am feeling pretty tired.  I think I can make it to 10:00 pm, but not sure I will last past that.

Waiting and hoping and peeing on a stick ...

I have been testing daily since Saturday.  I knew it was early, but I couldn't help myself.  And of course every time I see that absence of a line I am heartbroken.  But I kept telling myself that it wasn't over till it was over.  This morning I ran out of the FRER's I had been using, so I went to the store to buy more.  And when I was at the store, I remembered that last time I didn't get a BFP on the FRER until after my pregnancy had already been confirmed at the doctor's office.  So instead I bought EPT and Clear Blue Digital tests. Both of which I had success with in the past.

Of course I couldn't wait to test until I got home from work. Instead, I tested at the end of my lunch break.  The EPT looked positive, but then it sort of didn't.  I just couldn't be sure.  I took a picture at the 2 minute mark and it looked sort of positive (faintly) but the second picture I took a few seconds later looked less positive.  10 minutes later, the positive was gone.

I posted the pics to one of my online forums and most of the girls said it looked like a positive to them.  So I decided it was time to pull out the digital test. And guess what ....

At 8 days post 3 day transfer it appears that I might be pregnant again!! Now I just have to wait for my beta in 2 days to confirm and then hopefully a repeat 2 days after that to make sure my numbers are doubling.  I am really nervous and hoping that this is the real thing for us this time. Please say a few prayers that we have a sticky bean (or two).

Frozen Embryos

As of Sunday when we did our 3 day transfer, we still had two additional embryos hanging out in the lab.  We were praying and hoping that they would make it to day 6 and be able to freeze.  Our clinic is very strict about the embryos that they will freeze and they will not freeze anything that isn't really good quality.

I have been worrying about them for a few days now, but I figured that if they weren't doing well the clinic would have called and let me know that they hadn't made it.  Then I decided that at least 1 of them must be doing well for the same reason, they would have called if not.  I was following the old "no news is good news" adage, or at least trying to anyways.

Well, I just got the call about them.  Both of the embryos made it to freezing!! I am so excited.  Especially because these two embryos were not as good quality as the two that we transferred on day 3.  I am hoping that means great things for the embryos we transferred.  I can't wait to find out if we are pregnant!!

IVF 2.9 - Scared

I knew this post was eventually coming, I just didn't think I would be writing it so soon.  I am scared to death right now about this IVF.  As an act of self preservation I have tried really hard not be super emotional about this cycle.  But now that it is essentially over and things are in God's hands now, I am truly afraid.  So let me share my two biggest fears:

• I am afraid that this will not work, that I will test next week and it will be negative.  I want this pregnancy so badly. I am not sure if we can go through all of this again.
• I am afraid this is going to work.  Which then creates for me 2 additional fears:
• If this works, will we miscarry again like last time? when will I feel comfortable that this pregnancy is actually going to happen?
• If this works - OMG .. what the heck am I going to do with a baby? or two if both of our embryos stick? what have I gotten myself into?

All in all, I have realized that fear is normal and that no matter what I will make it through this. More than anything I want to be a mom. I keep that in my head everytime I start to get worked up. I feel like I've been through the war, but it's not quite over yet.  Just a few more weeks (months, years - maybe) and things will be ok.

IVF 2.8 - Embryo Transfer

This morning we did a 3 day transfer of two 8 cell embryos.  We still had all four embryos going strong this morning.  They were as follows: 8 cell graded at A-, 6 cell graded at B+, 8 cell graded at B, and 8 cell graded at B.  The last 8B embryo was only a 2 cell yesterday, so it's development caught up to the rest of the embryos.  We transferred the A- and one of the B's back today.

And the doctor was very hopeful. She seemed to think things look great and that we have a really good chance of this working for us.  She is also hopeful that the other two embryos will make it to freezing, but time will tell with them.  Hopefully things work out and she said that she feels better having the embryos back inside me now than waiting and letting them be in the lab any longer than necessary. 

We are hopeful, but even if it works and we get pregnant, I don't think I will be comfortable until we get to the first ultrasound.  Then I might actually believe it might work out. For now I am just trying to stay positive and have belief that this will work.

IVF 2.7 - Fertilization Report

Today I was on pins and needles all morning.  I was anxious to hear the results on how our eggs fertilized.  Finally a little after noon the nurse called.  Of the 10 eggs that were retrieved they were able to do the ICSI on 9 of them.  Of those 9 ICSI'd eggs, 4 of them fertilized.  So currently we have four embryos chillin in the lab.

I am a little disappointed about this number.  Last time we had seven embryos starting out and by the time we got to day 5 we only had 1 really great embryo and 2 lesser quality that never made it to freezing on day 6.  I am worried that these 4 embryos are not going to make it. And I don't know what we will do if that happens.  I am also starting to realize that the problem must be me and my body.  I am starting to fear I just don't make very good eggs.

Tomorrow we should hear from the nurse again to find out when our embryo transfer will be.  The nurse said today that it will either be Sunday (a 3 day transfer) or Tuesday (a 5 day transfer). At this point I am thinking that we might be doing a 3 day transfer because it might be better for the embryos to be inside me than taking the risk of going to a 5 day transfer. Guess time will tell.

Right now I am just trying to stay positive.  I realize that 4 embryos are better than none and I keep telling myself that the goal this time is quality, not quantity and with any luck these four embryos are going to be the best quality possible.  I just hope it's true.

IVF 2.6 - Egg Retrieval

Egg retrieval was this morning at 8 am.  I wasn't nearly as nervous this time as I had been the last time.  I think it's because I was able to anticipate what was going to happen.  I was still nervous, but mostly just because I am a worrier by nature and I can't help but worry about all of the "what ifs".  Plus I worry about silly things like, will I talk when under anesthesia and what will I say, will I snore, or will my body do something embarrassing? And as many times as I try to tell myself that they have probably seen it all, I still can't help but worry.

Steve and I were up early to shower and get ready and drove the hour to the clinic. Once there Steve went to the lab to produce his specimen and I went to the waiting room.  Eventually the nurse came to get me and took me back to the procedure area. She hooked me up to an IV, took my blood pressure and started getting me ready to go.  The doctor came to see me and said she anticipated at least 10 eggs and possibly a few more if they had grown since Tuesday morning. The procedure went really well.  The doctor was able to retrieve 10 eggs and she said everything looks great.

I am feeling pretty good after everything. I came straight home and went to sleep for about 3 hours. I have just a little bit of cramping but nothing overwhelming. I am anxious to hear the fertilization report tomorrow.  Then I will find out on Saturday if we are doing a 3 day or 5 day transfer. We are also hoping to transfer 2 embryos back.

IVF 2.5 - Follie Check 4 & 5

Monday was our fourth follie check.  Everything looked good and in the words of the nurse we were "so close".  So they scheduled another follow up for this morning and had me double my repronex last night and keep my normal dose of bravelle this morning. 

Follie check number 5 today went pretty well. According to the nurse my estrogen level is at 2559 and my lining is 11. On the right ovary I have 2 measuring at 21, 2 measuring at 18, 1 at 17, 1 at 16, and a bunch of 14 and 13's.  On the left ovary I have 1 measuring at 16, 3 measuring at 15, and 1 at 13.  She said it looks like I will have 7 eggs at retrieval, maybe 10 if a few of the smaller ones grow over the next few days, but they don't want to keep me going for another day or two because they don't want to lose the larger follicles. The nurse told me that anything 16 and over is considered mature. She said we could end up with less eggs if any of my follicles don't have an egg, but at my age she said it isn't very likely to have happen. Basically - I am a late bloomer and we are in great shape.  I feel so much better than I did this weekend and now I'm really excited.

This also means that Egg Retrieval is scheduled for Thursday morning at 8 am! Transfer will be either Sunday (3 day transfer) or Tuesday (5 day transfer). For trying so hard not to get too attached or too involved in this cycle, I am really excited to be doing the retrieval. I hope that this works for us, that we are able to transfer back two really great quality embryos, and possibly have a few embryos left over to freeze. 

Wish us luck!!!

IVF 2.4 - Follie Check #2 and 3

It is very late and I cannot sleep because of a late nap I took on the living room couch this evening. I figured that this is the perfect time to update on the progress of IVF #2. 

Last Thursday, the 19th, I had my second bloodwork and ultrasound check.  The nurse called that afternoon and left a message letting me know that things looked "good", but didn't give specifics about the number of follicles. She did say that the doctor wanted me to take a second shot of Bravelle for that day along with my normal lupron and repronex doses in the evening.  She also wanted me to increase my Bravelle in the morning from 150 units to 225 and come back on Saturday for repeat bloodwork and ultrasound.

This morning (Saturday the 21st) I had my third bloodwork and ultrasound appointment.  This time the nurse, who is not my normal nurse, gave me all kinds of information when she called.  She let me know that again things looked "good".  My estrogen was 937 and my lining was 10.  Follies are as follows, on the right: 2 at 15, 1 at 13, 1 at 12, and 3 at 11, on the left: 1 at 12. She said to continue my current doses of medication and to return on Monday morning for another bloodwork and ultrasound check.

Needless to say, I am a little disappointed.  With the follistim last cycle I was doing the egg retrieval on Tuesday.  At this point the earliest the retrieval will be is Wednesday.  And I am concerned about the sizes of the follicles.  None of them are particularly big and only 2 are at 15.  I can't remember what they want them to be, but I don't think any of them are anywhere near where they should be.  I know that the reason we are doing different meds this time is to try to get better quality eggs, but it seems I am not responding as well to these new meds.  And maybe that's the point.  More quality and less quantity.

I also didn't realize how emotionally invested in this cycle I am.  I have been trying to keep my distance from it all so that I don't stress myself out or become super attached to anything.  I have to do this for my own sanity. Otherwise I would be so scared and a total basket case.  But somehow, without realizing it, I have become invested.  And who was I kidding? How could I be anything but invested in this? It's my body and you can't inject yourself full of hormones and go through all of this without being invested.  I think it's one of the biggest investments you can make.

So .. for now it's a wait and see.  In general I am not feeling super optimistic, but I also know that it's not over till it's over.  All we need is one or two really great embryos ...

IVF 2.3 - Follie Check

Today was my first follicle check since I started the stim meds last Friday.  Currently I am taking 150 units of Bravelle in the morning, 5 units of lupron in the evening, and 75 units of Repronex in the evening.  Three shots a day are starting to take a toll on my poor belly.  I feel like I am starting to resemble a well used pin cushion.  I think I am having a reaction to the Repronex because the area around the injection site is red and hurts to touch, but goes away after a few days. 

So, back to the follie check.  Things are looking good so far.  The ultrasound tech told me that I have 2 on my right ovary measuring about an 11 and several on my left ovary that are just under 11.  The IVF nurse told me that my estrogen level is good, the lining looks great, and follicles are growing.  I am to continue my same dosage of meds and go back in on Thursday morning for repeat bloodwork and ultrasound.

I am a little excited now that things are started and coming along.  However, I think I am also trying not to get too emotionally involved in all of this because I know what can happen when things go wrong.  A part of me wants this so bad, but another part is afraid that it will work. I suppose that's how everyone feels. I just keep praying that things work out for us this time around.

IVF 2.2 - I hate insurance companies!!!

Like the title says .. I Hate Insurance Companies!!! Why you might ask? Well let me tell you. Steve and I payed full out of pocket costs for our IVF cycle in July.  We didn't have insurance coverage so that was that.  If we had done the IVF in November as planned we would also have payed cash for that cycle too.

Then in November we had open enrollment for our insurance and in the "changes for 2012" page of the booklet I noticed that it said the more expensive PPO would now be covering infertility treatments at 50% and included GIFT/ZIFT/IVF.  So I elected the more expensive plan and figured we were good. 

That was until I got a call from the IVF clinic the week between Christmas and New Years and was told that it doesn't appear I had coverage for IVF in 2012.  Although the information about the deductible and copays was also incorrect.  The billing lady figured that the insurance company hadn't updated its information yet because it was not the beginning of the year.  So she told me she would call again after the first and verify the benefits.  But it really made me nervous!

So being the obsessive compulsive and gotta have everything together person that I am, I of course called the insurance company first thing January 3rd (because of course they were closed on the 2nd in observance of the holiday). And lo and behold, I do not actually have coverage for IVF. What??!! So I fire off an email to the Admin person on campus and asked them why I was being told I had no coverage when I had 2 documents showing I did.  I of course scanned those documents in the email and hoped for the best.

The next day I get an email back from our corporate office telling me that the insurance company would call me directly to discuss the coverage.  I check my voicemail and there is a voicemail from someone at the insurance company, her name was Jacinda.  I call them first thing and Jacinda was not available so the lady on the line said she could help me.  Long story short, we spent about 2 hours on the phone over multiple phone calls trying to figure out what IVR was because this was covered while IVF was excluded. This went on until about noon when the lady, Donna, told me she would have to talk to her supervisor and call me back once she got everything straightened out.

At 12:51 pm I got a call from the insurance company.  It was the girl I talked to the day before, the first time I called the insurance company. She told me that she had made a mistake the day before and that the IVF was in fact covered.  Apparently there was a second page to the benefits and she hadn't realized it. WTH?? I walk away from my cubicle to talk to a coworker for a moment, walk back and see that I have a voicemail. It's the IVF clinic, they wanted to let me know they had also called the insurance company and was told that there was no coverage.

I call the IVF clinic back and tell her everything that has transpired over the past few days and she tells me that unfortunately she needs to hear from the insurance company that we have coverage and not from me.  So back on the phone I go with the insurance company to find out what the heck is going on.  This time I ask for Jacinda and luckily she was available.  She verified the benefits again explaining that the system needed an update that would show the coverage. I asked her to call the clinic and let them know, so she put me on hold, called the clinic.  Then while I am still on hold I get a call from the clinic letting me know everything is fine. So yay!! Hang up with the clinic and wait for the insurance company to come back on the line.  She comes back and then gives me all the information I need so that if anything gets denied I can get it taken care of.  Huge sigh of relief, everything is going to be OK!!

Or so I thought ... because an hour later I get a phone call from the clinic again.  Apparently she called the insurance company again to find out if the embryo cryopreservation would be covered and talked to Donna.  Apparently Donna was still attempted to find out what IVR meant and what was covered under that. So the clinic didn't want to accept the 50% coverage quote they received until they heard it from another person at the insurance company.  Once again I called the insurance company to find out what the heck was going on.  I talked to Jacinda again and she was really upset that Donna had talked to the clinic again. She tells me that she will have her supervisor call the clinic the next day (because they were already gone for the day by this time) and let them know that everything is fine.  I voiced my concern that if we were having such a difficult time obtaining verbal confirmation of benefits, what was going to happen when the clinic began submitting bills for the cycle.  Jacinda told me she had the same concern so her boss was going to put a flag on the account letting the billing people know they needed to read the notes and would see that the services would be covered.  But of course things could slip through the cracks and if there were any problems I should call them immediately and they would get it taken care of.

So It's official, we have 50% coverage for our IVF cycle.  YAY!!!

On a side note - have been on the lupron for 5 days now and things are going well.  Stopped my birth control pills last night so I am expecting my period in the next few days. Thursday is my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork and Friday I start the stim medications.  It's hard to believe that in 3 weeks we will hopefully be transfering our babies back into my uterus!!  It's so exciting!!!!