The infertility clinic that I used has started an infertility support group. When I first saw the posting for it, I was a little jealous that this hadn't been available when we were first doing our treatments. Then I saw that it was open to everyone, not just people currently undergoing fertility treatments, but "survivors" as well. And then it hit me ... I'm a survivor! ... Sort of.
After many long years of trying to have a baby, I have finally achieved that dream. I suppose that my story could be seen as a something hopeful and a success story for other parents to learn from. But I am not sure that anyone currently experiencing infertility will be interested in hearing it. When I was going through treatments I can remember being equal parts happy and jealous of other infertility gals who were pregnant. I was happy for them, but I didn't want to hear all about it or use them as an example of success and that "it could happen for me". I just don't work that way. It's not that I wasn't hopeful or anything like that, I just couldn't let myself truly believe that it would happen to me. I had built up my defenses and other people's success stories just didn't work that way for me.
And now, here I am. The one with the success story. And I would love to shout it from the mountain tops and share my journey with anyone who wants to listen. But I remember what it was like to be in the trenches of infertility, to be afraid to hope, but terrified not to try. So instead I will keep posting my story here and hope that it helps someone who is looking for hope and gets skipped over by the woman who isn't ready to hear the details of someone else's success story yet.
Plus, my journey isn't over yet. I know that I want another baby, someday. My husband and I have two frozen embryos that we have all of our hopes pinned on at this point. Our current plan is to try naturally, on our own for 6 months to a year and if we don't succeed, then we will pursue a frozen embryo transfer. I know that we are lucky to have these embryos and a "back up" plan if trying on our own doesn't work, but I'm still scared about starting down that road again. I don't look for to the emotional and hormonal pitfalls that await us. Maybe the second time around won't be so bad, especially because we know pretty much what to expect. But I still worry what we will do if we are not successful on our own and our frozen embryo transfer doesn't work either. Then we will be back at square one, a place I hope we never see again.
So yes, I had a baby, and I guess that makes me a survivor. But I know my journey is far from over. However, if this is the only baby we have, I will forever be grateful for an amazing pregnancy and an amazing daughter. She is perfect and the answer to so many of our prayers. I might be sad that we never have another baby, but I can be happy and grateful for the child we do have.
July 19, 2013
June 29, 2013
Marriage stumbling blocks
I always knew that having a baby would change my relationship with my husband. Unfortunately, I only ever looked at the positive changes and really didn't think about any of the negative changes that we would experience. I love my husband, with all of my heart and soul. But I love my baby more. I know that probably sounds horrible, but it's true. Ok, maybe I don't love her more, because the love I feel for her is completely different than the love I feel for him. The love I have for my daughter will never go away, even on days when I don't like her very much, I will always love her. There is nothing she can do to stop me from loving her. It's impossible for that to happen once you have carried another human being inside your body, she's a part of me and I have loved her from the moment they took my egg and his sperm and gave her back to me a few days later.
I love my husband too. But it's not the same as the love for a child. The love of a husband is something that can be lost or broken. It's something that suffers from sleepless nights and long absences and hurt feelings. It is something that has to be constantly fed and taken care of or it gets lost. While I don't doubt that my husband loves me or that I love him, I feel like we are starting on the road that might eventually lead us to not love one another anymore. And I know you are probably thinking, "then get off your butt and do something about it", and I want to, but I am just so tired! Tiredness is the constant name of the game these days. I would love to make an effort, get dressed up, get out and do something with my man, but I'm too tired. And so is he. He spends two weeks on the road and when he's home for the week, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to be home with our daughter and spend as much quality time as he can with her.
And maybe that's part of the problem too. I love his relationship with her. I think our daughter is the luckiest person in the world because she has his love and attention and I know how wonderful that is from him. But that's just the problem, I'm a little jealous (and seriously, just a little jealous). I always thought he would have the problem with us having a baby and be jealous of the time I would have to spend with her that would take away from all of the time and attention I focused on him, but apparently it has worked the other way around. I just wish he would spend a little bit of love and attention on me too instead of making me feel like an after thought. Here's what I mean: He will walk in the door from work and he immediately looks at her, kisses her, talks to her and loves on her. Once he's done, he will come over and kiss me and say hi, then back to her. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with him which is the one thing I am craving after being with our baby constantly for 2 weeks. And that wouldn't bother me at all, if he would spend a little attention on me once she is in bed or down for a nap. But that doesn't happen.
I guess the problem is not so much that I feel jealous of the time he spends with our daughter, but I feel lost and unimportant in the eyes of my husband. As my best friend so aptly said, "when my husband walks in the door and the baby wants his attention, I become the woman who is the nanny, cook, maid and mistress, not the mama, not the wife, and more importantly - not me". And as many men do, I don't think my husband even realizes that he is making me feel this way. There seems to be confusion between what I need/want from him versus stuff that just needs to be done. So if he completes something off "the list of things that need done" otherwise known as the "honey do list" (which my husband absolutely hates calling it), he feels like I should be happy and that he has completed this amazing feat. Meanwhile, all I want from him is a foot rub and a little adult conversation at the end of the day.
But it's not all his fault either. I know that I have to do some stuff too. I feel like all I have to talk about these days is our daughter. I mean how many times does he want to hear about her poop schedule or how she slept, or didn't sleep in our case? I get that I have suddenly become this boring, child brained person who is constantly tired and withholds sex because I am just too tired to try. I need to make an effort. I need to get out of my nursing tank and yoga pants and pretty myself up for my man. I need to talk to him about this and make sure that we are making a date night at least once every 6 weeks. I need to get myself in a better frame of mind and put some effort back into this relationship too.
Marriage is hard work yo! But in the end, I know that my husband loves me and would do anything to make me happy (within reason anyways). I think it's time for a major heart to heart with him. Good thing we are planning to go out this afternoon for some shopping and lunch while my mom watches the baby. Hopefully we can help each other figure out exactly what it is we need and can get our marriage back on track again. Like I said before, I always knew our marriage would be different after having a baby and in so many ways it's better, but there is always a down side that requires work to get through it.
I love my husband too. But it's not the same as the love for a child. The love of a husband is something that can be lost or broken. It's something that suffers from sleepless nights and long absences and hurt feelings. It is something that has to be constantly fed and taken care of or it gets lost. While I don't doubt that my husband loves me or that I love him, I feel like we are starting on the road that might eventually lead us to not love one another anymore. And I know you are probably thinking, "then get off your butt and do something about it", and I want to, but I am just so tired! Tiredness is the constant name of the game these days. I would love to make an effort, get dressed up, get out and do something with my man, but I'm too tired. And so is he. He spends two weeks on the road and when he's home for the week, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to be home with our daughter and spend as much quality time as he can with her.
And maybe that's part of the problem too. I love his relationship with her. I think our daughter is the luckiest person in the world because she has his love and attention and I know how wonderful that is from him. But that's just the problem, I'm a little jealous (and seriously, just a little jealous). I always thought he would have the problem with us having a baby and be jealous of the time I would have to spend with her that would take away from all of the time and attention I focused on him, but apparently it has worked the other way around. I just wish he would spend a little bit of love and attention on me too instead of making me feel like an after thought. Here's what I mean: He will walk in the door from work and he immediately looks at her, kisses her, talks to her and loves on her. Once he's done, he will come over and kiss me and say hi, then back to her. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with him which is the one thing I am craving after being with our baby constantly for 2 weeks. And that wouldn't bother me at all, if he would spend a little attention on me once she is in bed or down for a nap. But that doesn't happen.
I guess the problem is not so much that I feel jealous of the time he spends with our daughter, but I feel lost and unimportant in the eyes of my husband. As my best friend so aptly said, "when my husband walks in the door and the baby wants his attention, I become the woman who is the nanny, cook, maid and mistress, not the mama, not the wife, and more importantly - not me". And as many men do, I don't think my husband even realizes that he is making me feel this way. There seems to be confusion between what I need/want from him versus stuff that just needs to be done. So if he completes something off "the list of things that need done" otherwise known as the "honey do list" (which my husband absolutely hates calling it), he feels like I should be happy and that he has completed this amazing feat. Meanwhile, all I want from him is a foot rub and a little adult conversation at the end of the day.
But it's not all his fault either. I know that I have to do some stuff too. I feel like all I have to talk about these days is our daughter. I mean how many times does he want to hear about her poop schedule or how she slept, or didn't sleep in our case? I get that I have suddenly become this boring, child brained person who is constantly tired and withholds sex because I am just too tired to try. I need to make an effort. I need to get out of my nursing tank and yoga pants and pretty myself up for my man. I need to talk to him about this and make sure that we are making a date night at least once every 6 weeks. I need to get myself in a better frame of mind and put some effort back into this relationship too.
Marriage is hard work yo! But in the end, I know that my husband loves me and would do anything to make me happy (within reason anyways). I think it's time for a major heart to heart with him. Good thing we are planning to go out this afternoon for some shopping and lunch while my mom watches the baby. Hopefully we can help each other figure out exactly what it is we need and can get our marriage back on track again. Like I said before, I always knew our marriage would be different after having a baby and in so many ways it's better, but there is always a down side that requires work to get through it.
June 16, 2013
Frustration
Let me preface this blog post by saying that I love my daughter. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do not, will not, and could not wish her away. Having said that ... let me say .. mommy needs a vacation!!!
I write this post after a horrible horrible night. Grace went to bed last night at 9 pm, I nursed her, she was happy and went to sleep in her crib. She then proceeded to wake up at 10 pm, 11:20 pm (I nursed her here) and again at 12 pm. During this time I was able to put her back to sleep in her crib. After the midnight wake up, she would not sleep in her crib. So I brought her into our bedroom and put her in the rock n play (which we keep set up for emergency nights like this when I can't get her to sleep in the crib and Steve is home and in bed for the night). So .. she's in the rock n play and wakes up at 1 am, 2 am and 2:50 am. At this point I am ready to cry because every time she wakes up it takes 15-20 minutes to get her back to sleep, put her down, and then try to get myself back to sleep. At 3 am she was done. She wouldn't go down in the crib, she wouldn't go down in the rock n play, she only wanted to sleep in mommy's arms. Which I don't totally mind, but I am exhausted from all of our up and down and I really don't want to put her in bed with us because Steve is there and he's being a bed hog. I try to nurse her, which works until it doesn't and she's awake again. Finally at 4:15 am I gave her gas drops and Tylenol (she was definitely feeling a little warm) and nursed her again. and amazingly - she went to sleep!! in her crib!! and slept until 7:20 am. I have no clue how much sleep I really got, but I know it wasn't enough.
I hate nights like this! And they seem to happen a little more often lately. It's super frustrating and overwhelming for me. Especially because I just don't know what to do for her. She gets upset and cries and when I try to hold her she keeps trying to throw herself backwards. How do other mom's cope with this? or do I have the only child in the world who is like this? I want the baby back that used to sleep 8-10 hours a night! I'm not sure why that changed, but I can tell you when it changed. It started at 4 months when she started to teeth. She hasn't slept a full nigh since then.
I love being a mom and I love my peanut, but there are days (and nights) when I wish I could take a break. I know this is pretty normal, but I never thought I would be saying it out loud. I guess I was naïve enough to think that I would be different from my other mom friends who complained about their kids and wishing they could take a vacation. I thought since I wanted a baby so badly and my perspective on motherhood and appreciation for how difficult it was to get pregnant would make me different. HAHAHAH ... guess the joke is on me!! When I was pregnant I refused to complain, out loud to anyone other than my husband. I just felt like I had wanted to get pregnant so badly and when I finally was pregnant I didn't have to right to complain about this thing that I had wanted so badly. Don't get me wrong, I had a really great pregnancy and generally felt really good, but my feet hurt, and my back hurt and have gestational diabetes and taking insulin kinda sucked, but I sucked it up and tried my hardest not to complain.
well ... I am not going to keep this frustration to myself. I know that I have to let it out and I need to find support from other moms. Because if I don't, I'll have a major meltdown and cry at 4 o'clock in the morning like I did last night. But it was either cry or vent my frustration at her, and I could never do that, so I picked crying. It made me feel better and definitely helped release some of the stress I was feeling. But I feel like that's a short term solution, not something I can do all the time when I am frustrated. I think I need to do something for myself, like get out and exercise or something like that. Something that is a stress reliever and a break from baby type of thing.
Anyone have any suggestions? How did you cope with being a new mom and the frustration that sometimes comes with it?
Being a mom has been the biggest challenge I have ever faced. And I am ready for that challenge, but sometimes we all need a little help and encouragement when we hit a bump in the road.
I write this post after a horrible horrible night. Grace went to bed last night at 9 pm, I nursed her, she was happy and went to sleep in her crib. She then proceeded to wake up at 10 pm, 11:20 pm (I nursed her here) and again at 12 pm. During this time I was able to put her back to sleep in her crib. After the midnight wake up, she would not sleep in her crib. So I brought her into our bedroom and put her in the rock n play (which we keep set up for emergency nights like this when I can't get her to sleep in the crib and Steve is home and in bed for the night). So .. she's in the rock n play and wakes up at 1 am, 2 am and 2:50 am. At this point I am ready to cry because every time she wakes up it takes 15-20 minutes to get her back to sleep, put her down, and then try to get myself back to sleep. At 3 am she was done. She wouldn't go down in the crib, she wouldn't go down in the rock n play, she only wanted to sleep in mommy's arms. Which I don't totally mind, but I am exhausted from all of our up and down and I really don't want to put her in bed with us because Steve is there and he's being a bed hog. I try to nurse her, which works until it doesn't and she's awake again. Finally at 4:15 am I gave her gas drops and Tylenol (she was definitely feeling a little warm) and nursed her again. and amazingly - she went to sleep!! in her crib!! and slept until 7:20 am. I have no clue how much sleep I really got, but I know it wasn't enough.
I hate nights like this! And they seem to happen a little more often lately. It's super frustrating and overwhelming for me. Especially because I just don't know what to do for her. She gets upset and cries and when I try to hold her she keeps trying to throw herself backwards. How do other mom's cope with this? or do I have the only child in the world who is like this? I want the baby back that used to sleep 8-10 hours a night! I'm not sure why that changed, but I can tell you when it changed. It started at 4 months when she started to teeth. She hasn't slept a full nigh since then.
I love being a mom and I love my peanut, but there are days (and nights) when I wish I could take a break. I know this is pretty normal, but I never thought I would be saying it out loud. I guess I was naïve enough to think that I would be different from my other mom friends who complained about their kids and wishing they could take a vacation. I thought since I wanted a baby so badly and my perspective on motherhood and appreciation for how difficult it was to get pregnant would make me different. HAHAHAH ... guess the joke is on me!! When I was pregnant I refused to complain, out loud to anyone other than my husband. I just felt like I had wanted to get pregnant so badly and when I finally was pregnant I didn't have to right to complain about this thing that I had wanted so badly. Don't get me wrong, I had a really great pregnancy and generally felt really good, but my feet hurt, and my back hurt and have gestational diabetes and taking insulin kinda sucked, but I sucked it up and tried my hardest not to complain.
well ... I am not going to keep this frustration to myself. I know that I have to let it out and I need to find support from other moms. Because if I don't, I'll have a major meltdown and cry at 4 o'clock in the morning like I did last night. But it was either cry or vent my frustration at her, and I could never do that, so I picked crying. It made me feel better and definitely helped release some of the stress I was feeling. But I feel like that's a short term solution, not something I can do all the time when I am frustrated. I think I need to do something for myself, like get out and exercise or something like that. Something that is a stress reliever and a break from baby type of thing.
Anyone have any suggestions? How did you cope with being a new mom and the frustration that sometimes comes with it?
Being a mom has been the biggest challenge I have ever faced. And I am ready for that challenge, but sometimes we all need a little help and encouragement when we hit a bump in the road.
8 months old
It is so hard to believe that Grace is 8 months old already. In just a few short months she will be 1!! I can't believe how quickly my baby is growing up! and she isn't my little baby anymore either. She has become so active and mobile and is growing so fast. I love all of the things she is doing and learning, but I already miss my little baby (although I don't miss the rough, sleepless first couple of months).
Grace is doing so many fun things now. She's starting to get such a little personality and she's beginning to become aware of and interact with the world around her. She has been crawling (or at least her version of crawling) since about 7 months and has been pulling herself up and standing for a few weeks now. I swear she is ready to start walking any day now. Although she is still pretty unsteady on her feet and hasn't started creeping along the furniture yet. I suspect that she will probably be an early walker though. (this was written a few days before she turned 8 months, and the night before she turned 8 months she walked along the furniture for the first time).
One of the funny things she does is make this really cute snooty face. She wrinkles up her nose, squinches her eyes closed, and puckers her lips up and then does this really quick fast breathing in and out through her nose. Its the cutest thing ever, but the hardest thing to catch on camera. I did however get it on our video camera which makes me very excited (along with her funny crawl). I try really hard to catch a lot of the things she is doing before she moves onto the next thing, which happens so quickly sometimes.
Another favorite thing Grace likes to do is shake her head back and forth. This originally started a few months ago when she was teething. She would hold the teething ring in her hands and rub her mouth back and forth across it. Once she realized she didn't need to use the teething ring to do this, she started shaking her head all the time. It was super sweet and every time she did it we would say "no, no, no". Then all of a sudden she stopped doing it - right about the time she started making her snooty face. Well .. the "no no no headshake" is back again. I love watching her learn new skills and seeing them come back after being away for a little bit.
Grace is starting to eat some finger foods. Mostly we've started her on puffs to start practicing picking things up and getting used to having something more solid in her mouth. I think this month in addition to adding meat based baby food into her diet, we will start adding some other finger foods as well. I am thinking maybe really cooked carrots that she can mash in her mouth and stuff like that. Honestly I have no clue what I am doing with this feeding stuff, but I know she can't be on baby food forever and she wants so badly to feed herself. Mealtime has become quite an adventure for us because she likes to grab the spoon I am feeding her with or tries to knock the food off the spoon and play with it on the tray of the highchair. I've sometimes resorted to giving her her own spoon to play with while she eats. So the more stuff she can start eating on her own I think the better.
Grace is very affectionate with us. She lucks to hug and snuggle and give us kisses. Usually her kisses are more like licks on the face, but I will take it. I love this little girl so much and she is so sweet and loving. She's also very bullheaded and determined already. We definitely have to do things on "Grace's schedule" and not the schedule I want her to do. I can fight with her for 20 minutes to nurse and finally give up, put her down to play and 5 minutes later she's crawling into my lap looking to nurse. It can be super frustrating at times, but I am trying to just go with the flow and let her lead me a little.
And finally I will wrap up this super long post with the last fun thing Grace has started to do which is dance. She loves music, especially the music on commercials and at the beginning of tv shows. When a few certain commercials come on (the ones on Sprout and the HUB for seat pets, flashlight friends, and stuffy animals) she will stop what she's doing and swivel around towards the tv and stare! She becomes glued to the TV until the commercial is over, it's super cute to see. And when the music comes on she will stand where she is and bounce her body up and down and if she's sitting she will bounce her head and upper body. I really need to catch it on video asap.
So .. here's a picture of our big girl ... can't believe she's going to be 1 in just a few months!!!
Grace is doing so many fun things now. She's starting to get such a little personality and she's beginning to become aware of and interact with the world around her. She has been crawling (or at least her version of crawling) since about 7 months and has been pulling herself up and standing for a few weeks now. I swear she is ready to start walking any day now. Although she is still pretty unsteady on her feet and hasn't started creeping along the furniture yet. I suspect that she will probably be an early walker though. (this was written a few days before she turned 8 months, and the night before she turned 8 months she walked along the furniture for the first time).
One of the funny things she does is make this really cute snooty face. She wrinkles up her nose, squinches her eyes closed, and puckers her lips up and then does this really quick fast breathing in and out through her nose. Its the cutest thing ever, but the hardest thing to catch on camera. I did however get it on our video camera which makes me very excited (along with her funny crawl). I try really hard to catch a lot of the things she is doing before she moves onto the next thing, which happens so quickly sometimes.
Another favorite thing Grace likes to do is shake her head back and forth. This originally started a few months ago when she was teething. She would hold the teething ring in her hands and rub her mouth back and forth across it. Once she realized she didn't need to use the teething ring to do this, she started shaking her head all the time. It was super sweet and every time she did it we would say "no, no, no". Then all of a sudden she stopped doing it - right about the time she started making her snooty face. Well .. the "no no no headshake" is back again. I love watching her learn new skills and seeing them come back after being away for a little bit.
Grace is starting to eat some finger foods. Mostly we've started her on puffs to start practicing picking things up and getting used to having something more solid in her mouth. I think this month in addition to adding meat based baby food into her diet, we will start adding some other finger foods as well. I am thinking maybe really cooked carrots that she can mash in her mouth and stuff like that. Honestly I have no clue what I am doing with this feeding stuff, but I know she can't be on baby food forever and she wants so badly to feed herself. Mealtime has become quite an adventure for us because she likes to grab the spoon I am feeding her with or tries to knock the food off the spoon and play with it on the tray of the highchair. I've sometimes resorted to giving her her own spoon to play with while she eats. So the more stuff she can start eating on her own I think the better.
Grace is very affectionate with us. She lucks to hug and snuggle and give us kisses. Usually her kisses are more like licks on the face, but I will take it. I love this little girl so much and she is so sweet and loving. She's also very bullheaded and determined already. We definitely have to do things on "Grace's schedule" and not the schedule I want her to do. I can fight with her for 20 minutes to nurse and finally give up, put her down to play and 5 minutes later she's crawling into my lap looking to nurse. It can be super frustrating at times, but I am trying to just go with the flow and let her lead me a little.
And finally I will wrap up this super long post with the last fun thing Grace has started to do which is dance. She loves music, especially the music on commercials and at the beginning of tv shows. When a few certain commercials come on (the ones on Sprout and the HUB for seat pets, flashlight friends, and stuffy animals) she will stop what she's doing and swivel around towards the tv and stare! She becomes glued to the TV until the commercial is over, it's super cute to see. And when the music comes on she will stand where she is and bounce her body up and down and if she's sitting she will bounce her head and upper body. I really need to catch it on video asap.
So .. here's a picture of our big girl ... can't believe she's going to be 1 in just a few months!!!
May 28, 2013
It's Been Way Too Long
Wow.. I can't believe it's been 5 months since I last added any posts. I spend a lot of time writing blog posts in my head, but not actually typing anything on here. Grace keeps me super busy and with her current schedule, I am too busy during nap times and too tired at bedtime to spend time on the computer.
Speaking of Grace .. let's get up to speed. She is 7 1/2 months old and driving me crazy (not really), ok sometimes she drives me crazy. After starting to teeth at 4 months and getting her first tooth at 5 months, she is sporting 7 teeth in her little mouth. Seven teeth that came in one right after another in miserable, non sleeping, low grade fever inducing succession. In other news, she has started to crawl, or at least her equivalent of crawling. She does this half scoot, half crawl thing that is so funny to see. At first I thought I should be worried about it, but I think she's going to start walking sooner than later, so this is just her temporary means of transportation. The reason we think she is going to walk sooner than later is because she has become very good at pulling herself up with everything she possibly can, my arm, the couch, the baby gate, her dad's leg, the toy bin, etc..
She is such a determined little thing. She gets that from me and she's stubborn which she gets from her dad. We definitely have our hands full with this girl. In good things we finally got her to sleep in her crib instead of the rock n play She started trying to roll over in the rock n play and she started sitting up in it So, the rock n play had to go, but I was dreading putting her in the crib because I figured she would be super resistant to the idea. We had started getting her to sleep in a pack n play in our bedroom at around 4 months, but once she started teething that went out the window and back into the rock n play she went. Well ... the crib worked out much better. Initially she started out in the crib and then half way through the night she ended up in the rock n play, but now she is pretty solidly sleeping in the crib.
Or at least she was until a few nights ago. I don't know if she is teething again or if we are starting to experience separation anxiety or what the heck is going on, but it's crazy and this momma is tired!! Last night Grace was up 3 times and cried every time I put her down. Finally at 3 am I let her sleep in bed with me. I figured that was better than listening to her scream and cry every time I tried to put her down and walk away. This parenting this is hard!!
What else? She is becoming such a character and is starting to really develop a personality. She giggles and laughs a little bit, but not a ton. She's such a serious little thing and I suspect we will be spending a lot of time trying to get her to loosen up and have fun. She's currently wearing 3-6 month clothes, but is slowly getting into 6-9 month outfits. She's still a little on the petite side, but that's ok. Schedule wise she is not very steady. She's usually up between 7 and 8 am, and down for a nap within 2 hours, and after that it's hit or miss. She usually takes 3 naps a day that vary in length from 30 minutes to 90 minutes. She eats or nurses about every 2-3 hours.
So life is busy, but it's great! I am loving every minute of being home with my sweetheart and wouldn't trade this time with her for anything. I am also going to make an effort to try to post a little more, but honestly I can't make any promises.
Here's a recent picture of my princess ...
Speaking of Grace .. let's get up to speed. She is 7 1/2 months old and driving me crazy (not really), ok sometimes she drives me crazy. After starting to teeth at 4 months and getting her first tooth at 5 months, she is sporting 7 teeth in her little mouth. Seven teeth that came in one right after another in miserable, non sleeping, low grade fever inducing succession. In other news, she has started to crawl, or at least her equivalent of crawling. She does this half scoot, half crawl thing that is so funny to see. At first I thought I should be worried about it, but I think she's going to start walking sooner than later, so this is just her temporary means of transportation. The reason we think she is going to walk sooner than later is because she has become very good at pulling herself up with everything she possibly can, my arm, the couch, the baby gate, her dad's leg, the toy bin, etc..
She is such a determined little thing. She gets that from me and she's stubborn which she gets from her dad. We definitely have our hands full with this girl. In good things we finally got her to sleep in her crib instead of the rock n play She started trying to roll over in the rock n play and she started sitting up in it So, the rock n play had to go, but I was dreading putting her in the crib because I figured she would be super resistant to the idea. We had started getting her to sleep in a pack n play in our bedroom at around 4 months, but once she started teething that went out the window and back into the rock n play she went. Well ... the crib worked out much better. Initially she started out in the crib and then half way through the night she ended up in the rock n play, but now she is pretty solidly sleeping in the crib.
Or at least she was until a few nights ago. I don't know if she is teething again or if we are starting to experience separation anxiety or what the heck is going on, but it's crazy and this momma is tired!! Last night Grace was up 3 times and cried every time I put her down. Finally at 3 am I let her sleep in bed with me. I figured that was better than listening to her scream and cry every time I tried to put her down and walk away. This parenting this is hard!!
What else? She is becoming such a character and is starting to really develop a personality. She giggles and laughs a little bit, but not a ton. She's such a serious little thing and I suspect we will be spending a lot of time trying to get her to loosen up and have fun. She's currently wearing 3-6 month clothes, but is slowly getting into 6-9 month outfits. She's still a little on the petite side, but that's ok. Schedule wise she is not very steady. She's usually up between 7 and 8 am, and down for a nap within 2 hours, and after that it's hit or miss. She usually takes 3 naps a day that vary in length from 30 minutes to 90 minutes. She eats or nurses about every 2-3 hours.
So life is busy, but it's great! I am loving every minute of being home with my sweetheart and wouldn't trade this time with her for anything. I am also going to make an effort to try to post a little more, but honestly I can't make any promises.
Here's a recent picture of my princess ...
January 29, 2013
One Year
Today is my 31st birthday. Yay me! But what's extra special about today is what happened a year ago. One year ago today Steve and I did our embryo transfer that gave us Grace. It's hard to believe how quickly a year can fly by! and what an amazing year it has been.
I look back at everything we have been through, all of the fertility drugs, the IUI's, the first IVF, the miscarriage, the second IVF and successful pregnancy and can't believe that we have finally made it to this place. It truly has been worth everything that we have gone through and every cent we have paid for these treatments.
On my 30th birthday I received the best gift I could ever have asked for. I will forever remember that birthday and in an era where aging is often a bad thing and birthdays become more of a burden than something to celebrate, I will always have this anniversary.. So instead of lamenting my 40th birthday some day, I will instead be celebrating the 10th anniversary of the day that gave us Grace.
Here is a recent pic of our beautiful Grace enjoying some tummy time on mommy and daddy's bed:
I look back at everything we have been through, all of the fertility drugs, the IUI's, the first IVF, the miscarriage, the second IVF and successful pregnancy and can't believe that we have finally made it to this place. It truly has been worth everything that we have gone through and every cent we have paid for these treatments.
On my 30th birthday I received the best gift I could ever have asked for. I will forever remember that birthday and in an era where aging is often a bad thing and birthdays become more of a burden than something to celebrate, I will always have this anniversary.. So instead of lamenting my 40th birthday some day, I will instead be celebrating the 10th anniversary of the day that gave us Grace.
Here is a recent pic of our beautiful Grace enjoying some tummy time on mommy and daddy's bed:
January 2, 2013
20 Things About 2012
I saw this neat questionnaire on another blog and thought this would be really fun to do. I know it's a few days into the New Year, but I didn't want to post this till 2012 was really over (just in case my answers would change) and with a baby and a house full of family yesterday, I didn't get a chance to do it until now.
1. What did you do in 2012 that you have never done before? I had a baby!
2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't make any resolutions this year and I probably won't make any for next year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Do I count? Both my sister and a sister in law had a baby this year - both of them were boys.
4. Did anyone close to you die? We lost my Pap this year. He was a great man and well loved.
5. What places have you visited? We took a vacation to Disney World this year with my mom and my nephew.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? Possibly a job. I had one for about 3 months in 2012 and quit early in my pregnancy. So a job would be nice, but one that I can do from home.
7. What date from 2012 will remain etched in your memory and why? October 13 will forever be on my mind - the day my daughter was born. It was the most magical day of my entire life.
8. What was your biggest achievement this year? Having a baby - we've tried for our entire marriage to have a baby and after 9 1/2 years we finally had our daughter.
9. Did you suffer illness or injury? No illness or injury for me this year ... just pregnancy.
10. What was the best thing you bought? I know this sounds bad, but our daughter. IVF is very expensive but she is worth every penny we paid for the procedure and the medications. Plus the cost of delivery was expensive too, but again - worth every penny.
11. Where did most of your money go? Most of our money went towards our baby and baby stuff - crib, dressers, swing, bassinet, pack n play, etc.
12. What song will always remind you of 2012? I'm really not sure. I don't often associate songs to certain years. Usually songs remind me of people, places and events.
13. What do you wish you would have done more of? I wish Steve and I would have done a little bit more couple stuff together. Having a baby means very little alone time with one another. A nice trip away for just the two of us would have been nice.
14. What do you wish you would have done less of? I wish I would have worried a little less. I loved being pregnant but so much of my joy was tempered by my worry that something would go wrong.
15. What was your favorite TV program? Well .. where to start? Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Vampire Diaries, The Voice, Scandal, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother and the Big Bang Theory
16. What was the best book you read this year? The best book series I read was the Ally Conde Matched, Crossed, and Reached.
17. What was your favorite film of the year? Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 - I admit I am a huge Twilight Fan. I've read the books a ton of times and have seen every movie on opening day, except for this last one. Grace was less than a month old and I just couldn't leave her for that long. I did get to see it in the theaters, it just took me 2 weeks after it came out to get there. But I did get to see it and now I'm anxiously awaiting the DVD.
18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? This year I turned 30 and it is a birthday I will never forget. We did our IVF in January and had our egg retrieval on January 26th. Three days later, on my 30th birthday, we transferred 2 embryos which resulted in Grace - definitely the best birthday present ever!!!
19. What national/world event stirred you the most? The Olympics by far. I love watching the Olympics and always feel such a sense of patriotism as I root for the American athletes. I think it provides a great source of pride and community for our nation. This answer was typed earlier in the month of December while this post sat in draft and I didn't want to remove it because the Olympics really were great, but a horrible tragedy occurred in December 2012 that I have to write about because it was so sad and as a mother, struck very close to home. So the other event was the tragedy at the elementary school in Sandy Hook CT. It amazes me that anyone could take another's life, but to go into a school and shoot at young innocent children is just something beyond evil. I didn't watch much about this tragedy other than the initial news reports and such that occurred that day. I just couldn't stand to see continuous news coverage of something so sad and definitely had no desire to see tiny coffins and funeral services either. My heart goes out to those mothers who were not able to hold their baby's close this Christmas and into the new year.
20. Who was the best new person you met? My daughter Grace. She's amazing!! My life will forever be changed because of her.
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