tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49125935035734142932024-02-19T11:13:26.176-05:00Two Hearts, One LoveMandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-69803296309418463852015-01-14T14:53:00.003-05:002015-01-14T14:53:33.414-05:00Here We Go Again ... Part 2We were overjoyed to share our news with our families at Christmas. Hubby and I both knew that this baby would complete our family and we were so excited to finally be done with trying to have babies and would get to relax and really just enjoy our little family. I went to bed on Christmas night feeling full of hope and joy.<br />
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Some time in the middle of the night I got up to pee and immediately noticed red blood. I tried not to freak out too much, as I had had bleeding with G at almost the exact same time in my pregnancy. With her it had just been a sub chorionic hemorrhage and I prayed that this time it was the same. The bleeding wasn't heavy and there were some small blood clots. Of course I couldn't go back to sleep right away, but after a few hours I convinced myself to sleep and deal with it all in the morning. I knew that there was nothing I could do, that the life of this baby and my pregnancy rested in God's hands. <br />
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The next morning I called the clinic and was basically told what I knew they would say - it could be from anything, most likely a SCH, could be from having the ultrasound earlier in the week because of the meds that I was on, etc, etc. I was told to call if it got worse, I had painful cramping, etc. Finally by the next morning it appeared that the bleeding was stopping and I was just getting a little bit of brown upon wiping. During all of this, we were in the middle of a funeral viewing on Friday evening and had a funeral on Saturday morning because hubby's grandmother had passed away the weekend before Christmas. She was 97 and went peacefully in her sleep, but it was a sad time nonetheless and all the uncertainty with the pregnancy wasn't helping either of us. <br />
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I felt good most of the morning on Saturday but in the middle of the wake when I stood up to get in line for the food, I felt a gush, so off to the bathroom I rushed to find what appeared to be a large blood clot. But it was a dark dingy church basement bathroom, so I couldn't be sure. All I could think about was how during my first pregnancy I had such little amounts of bleeding yet lost a pregnancy. I then called the doctor on call because by that time the clinic was closed for the day. She again assured me that things were probably fine and it was really a wait and see game. She didn't want to schedule an ultrasound right away because she didn't want to make the bleeding any worse than it already was. She said to follow up with the clinic on Monday if nothing worse happened between now and then. I was reassured but not at the same time. Again, this pregnancy was still in God's hands and there was nothing I could do about it. <br />
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The bleeding began to taper off and by Monday morning and when I called the clinic to talk to my coordinator, she talked to the doctors and they decided to bring me in for an ultrasound on New Years Eve. I was super nervous, but had no more active bleeding between Monday and Wednesday so I was hopeful that things were just fine as they had been with G. At this point I was 6weeks6days pregnant. However, the ultrasound was not very encouraging. The tech doing the scan was very quiet and said she was going to scan and would then let me know what she found. She turned the screen and showed me the gestational sac and the yolk sac and said she was going to look in the sac. I figured she would show me right away that there was a baby and a heartbeat, that's how it had been with G and my ultrasound with her was at 6weeks1day and this time I was much further along and the baby should have been easily seen. But she didn't say anything and continued to scan. <br />
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Eventually she told me that she was looking at my ovaries and would go back to the gestational sac and look for a fetal pole. I can remember thinking to myself, ok, fetal pole, why isn't she looking for a heartbeat? but then I thought, who knows, I'm not an ultrasound tech, I don't know what they are supposed to be seeing. Finally she turned the screen towards me again and showed me the gestational sac and the yolk sac but said that there was nothing else there. Then she left to find us a room to meet with the doctor. I can remember telling hubby that this wasn't good. At this point in my pregnancy they should at least be able to see the baby and it sounded like there was no baby at all.<br />
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The tech came back and took us to a conference room to wait for the doctor. I was trying hard not to lose it while also trying to accept that this pregnancy was over, that there was no baby, that we were back at square one. Finally the doctor came to see us, it was my favorite doctor in the practice, the one who did my previous two transfers and who I had seen after the bleeding with my pregnancy with G. She explained that the gestational sac was only measuring at 5weeks5days and that the tech couldn't verify cardiac activity. The tech said she would catch a flicker, but couldn't find it again or long enough to stay on it and measure. What?? This was completely different than what the tech had said to me or at least led me to believe. The doctor was hopeful, saying that we were so close to being within a normal range for the pregnancy but once again we were in a wait and see situation.<br />
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We had already been scheduled for an ultrasound the following week. The ultrasound was originally supposed to be our second ultrasound that verify a viable pregnancy with a heartbeat and would then release us from the RE's care to the OB. Now it was an ultrasound that would tell us the fate of our pregnancy. The doctor also suggested that we could wait another 2 weeks instead if we wanted, because time would give us more definite information, but if we continued with the already scheduled ultrasound and the pregnancy hadn't progressed, then we would know for sure it was nonviable. She told us the choice was ours. Oh .. and on top of the baby measuring small, there was a very large sub chorionic hemorrhage around the baby, so that would account for the bleeding and could possibly lead to further bleeding. <br />
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We decided to keep the appointment for the following week and asked the doctor what to watch for as far as bleeding goes. How would we know if it was the SCH or an impending miscarriage? She explained what to look for in a miscarriage - dark brown blood, flesh like tissue versus red blood clots. She said that if I had extreme bleeding or pain, to call her immediately. So home we went to struggle through the next 6 days of waiting. <br />
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During all of this hubby was trying to get his work schedule situated so that he could be with me for the ultrasound and possibly home for the rest of the week after if necessary - meaning if we lost the baby or whatever he could be home for any type of procedures. <br />
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Finally, Tuesday morning was here and we were headed to the clinic for our ultrasound. I had no further bleeding, just some light spotting and mostly brown discharge when I wiped. I was thankful but nervous too. Most of my nausea had gone away, but it was hard to tell whether that was the normal course of things or if it was because I was losing the pregnancy. My nausea throughout the pregnancy so far hadn't been anything like it was with G. I would have one really bad day where I was sick to my stomach off and on all day followed by 1 or 2 days where I felt great and only had minimal nausea. I tried not to read too much into anything and continued to try to keep positive about the fate of the pregnancy. I kept telling the baby that I wasn't giving up, so he needed to not give up either. <br />
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We had a different ultrasound tech this time so I had to go through all that had been happening and what we were told with her before she began the scan. She explained she was going to scan and measure and then would show me what she was seeing. At least this time I wasn't freaking out because of her lack of feedback to me. After about 10 minutes or so she finally turned the screen towards me and showed that the gestational sac looked pretty much the same as it had the week before and that she couldn't see a fetal pole or a heartbeat. I should have been 7weeks5days, but the gestational sac was measuring at 5weeks3days and there was no yolk sac this time. In addition the SCH had grown larger. <br />
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Our pregnancy was officially over and the doctor was surprised that I hadn't been having more bleeding than I was. She told us we had two options. We could wait it out and give my body time to miscarry naturally. The pregnancy was small enough that there wouldn't be any problems passing it, but that it could takes days before I even started the miscarriage. My body seemed to be clinging to the pregnancy but I was also going to stop all of my meds, so that might help the process along as well. The other option was to have a d&c done, but the clinic would not be able to do it for another 10 days. Because they were not actively doing egg retrievals yet for the year, they did not have regular personnel for the anesthesia. Our third option was to contact my regular gynecologist to see if they could perform the D&C. <br />
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Luckily, the gyno was able to get me in for a consultation appointment the next day. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-54022299386183158952015-01-14T14:18:00.000-05:002015-01-14T14:18:01.055-05:00Here we go again ....I know it's been a long time since I've blogged, but it's been a busy hectic kind of life chasing a 2 year old around and just enjoying all of the blessings I have. G is doing great, she's growing and thriving and while she still remains on the smaller side of the weight and height scale, she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally. She really is our miracle baby and I'm about to tell you why.<br />
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Amongst all of the craziness that has been life with G, hubby and I began discussing having another baby this past fall. We want our kids to be close in age, but not too close. We had thought at one point maybe a year ago about having another baby, but decided to wait until G was closer to 2 before making any firm decisions. <br />
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So in September we went back to our RE for a consultation and tentatively scheduled a frozen embryo transfer for January of 2015. We had two frozen embryos left from our IVF cycle with G. But first we thought that maybe we would try a few months of Clomid again while we waited for the new year. But after just one month on the meds, we decided that Clomid was no longer the right option for us. I felt like a totally crazy person. I had no patience with G, I had a very short temper and honestly was worried that I might hurt her accidentally during a hormone induced rage. Needless to say, I went back to the RE the next month and told them I was no longer interested in waiting on the FET, that we wanted to schedule it ASAP. What was a few months earlier anyways? What were we waiting for? <br />
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We picked a date and set a schedule for testing and medications. On December 2, against the advice of our doctor, we transferred our two remaining embryos. The doctors had cautioned us that we would have a much greater chance of having twins because these two remaining embryos came from a batch that resulted in a successful pregnancy. On December 9th I got a positive home pregnancy test. It was the last test I had and I had just about given up hope that I was going to see a positive. But it was there, so hubby and I took G on vacation to Virginia Beach to see the Christmas lights on the beach. While there I had my first beta done and it was 126. I was thrilled, this was the highest beta I'd ever had. But I was a little nervous that it might be twins. <br />
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Because G got sick while we were on vacation, we ended up coming home early so I had my repeat beta done at the clinic 2 days after the first one. My number was only 198.8 which the clinic wasn't super concerned because they felt that the difference could be because it was from two different labs. So they scheduled me for one more beta on Monday the 15. This beta came back at 338. So again, not a perfect double, but enough of an increase that the doctor scheduled our ultrasound for the following Monday. We were scared and a nervous, but excited that we could possibly be announcing our pregnancy to close friends and family on Christmas.<br />
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Monday December 22 the ultrasound showed that there was one baby, although it was too small to be seen. But the gestational sac was measuring right on target at 5weeks3days (I was 5weeks5days pregnant) and there was a yolk sac that could be seen. We made our plans for telling our families and friends on Christmas. I had ordered a Christmas themed Big Sister to Be shirt for G hoping that I wasn't going to regret it and it looked like things were great so we moved forward with our announcement and had a great Christmas celebrating with our families. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-27203841531001449542014-02-07T23:16:00.001-05:002015-01-14T14:57:50.096-05:00Keeping us on our toesAs the title of this post mentions, G has really been keeping us on our toes lately. She is a child with a lot of energy, no fear, and avid curiosity of the world around her. She loves to climb and explore and to give her mother gray hairs. <br />
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A few weeks ago G woke up with a fever of 101 and it just kept climbing. I gave her Tylenol a few times and her temp never came down below 103. Finally around 3 pm I called the doctor to see what they thought we should do. When I told the nurse that she had been fairly lethargic, she told me to bring G in to be seen. When we showed up for our appointment G had a temperature of 103.5. After checking her for the flu and an ear infection and both being negative, the doctor wanted to cath her for a urine sample to rule out a UTI. That test came back negative which lead the doctor to determine that it was most likely something viral. She sent us home with instructions to give Tylenol ever 4 hours, push fluids and rest. She said to watch out for seizures if her temp climbed really high and to take her to the ER if it reached 105. <br />
That night and the next day we battled her fever which reached 104.2 Monday night and then 104.5 late Tuesday afternoon. I called the doctor and they suggested giving her Tylenol and checking her in 40 minutes, if the temp didn't come down to at least 101 she suggested we take her to the ER to have bloodwork done in case she was having some type of infection after all. We arrived at the ER and were quickly seen. An IV was started to give G some fluids and take blood for the blood work. The blood work came back clean and didn't show signs of dehydration which were all good things, but my baby was still running a high fever. They gave her ibuprofen and finally she cooled down to 101. It was so scary worrying whether or not she was going to have a seizure and ultimately not knowing exactly what was causing her fever. <br />
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Tuesday night her fever stayed low and she finally slept through the night for the first time in days. We followed up with the doctor on Wednesday and by then her temp was staying at 101 or below, so we knew the worst of it was over. By Thursday morning G was finally feeling more like her normal self and was mostly fever free. By Friday morning she was nearly 100%. So after being cooped up in the house with a sick baby for 4 days, we needed to do some errands and get some groceries.<br />
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I left Steve at home to work on our upstairs bathroom and took G with me to get our errands done. Things were going great until we got to Walmart. As usual G didn't want to sit in the cart and I kept fighting with her to sit down and stay strapped in. But the strap really doesn't do much for us because G can wiggle her little butt out of it and stand up in a matter of seconds. So through the store we struggled with on another to stay in the cart and made it to checkout. We get to the checkout, I unload our groceries while attempting to keep G sitting and then pay the cashier. I reached for the last bag and as I turned and put the bag in the back of the cart, G decided to take a header out of the cart.<br />
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I think my heart stopped for a few seconds. Then I quickly picked her up, she was bawling of course, and checked her out for any obvious injuries but couldn't see any. She was acting normal, but I was concerned that she might have injured her head in some way, so off to the ER we went. I called Steve on the way to let him know I was taking G to the ER and why, I think at first he thought I was joking. What great fun it was to make an ER visit for the second time in one week! Luckily G was fine and didn't even need an xray or CT scan so we were in and out in less than an hour. <br />
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Needless to say it was an eventful week. One I hope not to repeat for a long time. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-72732890344522465232014-02-07T22:55:00.003-05:002014-02-07T22:55:58.770-05:00Big plansI can't believe how quickly time seems to be flying by. My baby girl is already over 15 months old and my husband and I are talking about having baby #2. All of that seems so crazy to me! The past few months have been busy and we seem to have lots going on right now. <br />
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Steve and I have been discussing the timing of having baby #2. Ultimately we would love to get pregnant on our own without the help of a fertility doctor, but we are also pretty realistic in the fact that this will probably not happen. So baby #2 is going to cost us some money, money that we have a limited supply of since I am not working. But before we have another baby, I want a bigger house. I love our little house, but that's the problem, it's little. We have three bedrooms, so that would be fine for a second baby, but currently this bedroom is full of stuff: my scrapbooking and craft stuff, extra toys we have for our older nieces and nephews, and just stuff. In order to use this room for a baby, I need to find a place for all of this stuff to go. It can go in the attic, but then it basically become unusable. I can put it downstairs, but we already have so much stuff in our living room and the tip out that it really won't fit there. Plus, this is stuff that I don't want to leave out where little fingers can touch and play with it. <br />
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Another problem we have is that our living room is too small for all of Grace's toys. Some of them have spilled out into the dining room now. And we can't take down the dining room table and stuff to make that room a play room because then we would have no real place to eat. Our kitchen isn't an eat in kitchen and sitting on bar stools at the counter doesn't really work as a viable option. Basically - we need more space!! and storage. <br />
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We have decided that it makes the most sense to put our current house on the market and purchase a new house that is bigger and allows our family to grow. Once we have the new house, then we can make decisions about when to see our RE to use our frozen embryos. That is of course, if we don't somehow manage to miraculously get pregnant all on our own. Which is certainly something we are going to try to do. It might happen, for the first time in my life I have been having regular periods. That's something I never thought would happen, so that's one positive. <br />
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Our life the past few weeks has been consumed with packing up all of our clutter and organizing our rooms to maximize their size and appeal to buyers. We've also been working on some projects in the house like replacing our broken mirror in the upstairs bathroom and painting scuffed places on our walls. I still need to work on painting all of our trim and the upstairs bedroom doors. When Steve comes home on his next set of days off we are going to work on our basement and he will hopefully get a few outdoor projects completed (as long as the snow and cold weather don't get in the way). Our goal is to be on the market for March 1. <br />
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Until then I have been browsing homes online and looking forward to finally house hunting. We are also planning to meet with a builder next week to see what our options are for possibly building a house. I don't think building is the way we will go, but Steve wants to check it out and I figure it can't hurt to look at all of our options. I'm sure the next few months are going to be eventful as we try to sell our house and buy a new one with a toddler. But I'm excited about the possibilities and finding our forever home, especially because once we have a home, we can work on the plan for having another baby and that is even more exciting to me. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-37259067796064839452014-01-07T21:49:00.002-05:002014-01-07T22:54:28.882-05:0020 things about 2013<br />
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I saw this neat questionnaire on another blog last year and thought this would be really fun to do for 2012. Check out my post <a href="http://journeyoftwoheartsonelove.blogspot.com/2013/01/20-things-about-2012.html">here</a>. Then I thought, why not do try to do this questionnaire every year, so here it is. 20 things about 2013 and I know it's a few days into the New Year, but I am just starting to get back into this blogging thing. </div>
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<strong>1. What did you do in 2013 that you have never done before? </strong>I joined a playgroup for my daughter. I was tired of sitting around the house and tired of waiting for other friends to have the time to hang out or the desire to hang out, so I decided to go out and look for people who had kids the same age as G and the play group looked like the most fun. </div>
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<b>2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year? </b>I didn't make any resolutions this year and normally I do not make resolutions because I think they are silly and most people don't keep them. However, I am resolving to try to blog more this year and also to get healthy (but I sort of decide to try to do that all year long when the fancy hits me). </div>
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<b>3. Did anyone close to you give birth? </b>My sister in law had a baby girl on October 10. Her due date was the exact same day as mine was with G. G finally has a girl cousin and they are almost exactly 1 year apart. </div>
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<b>4. Did anyone close to you die? </b>We have been very lucky this year and have not lost anyone close to us. I am very thankful for years like this when we have not suffered any losses. </div>
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<b>5. What places have you visited? </b>This year has been pretty boring for us. With a small baby there hasn't been much time or money for a vacation. The most interesting place G and I visited was Steve when he was working in West Virginia. We did find some fun places to hang out when he was sleeping during the day. <br />
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<b>6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? </b>More space. I love our house, but I find that we are quickly outgrowing the space and eventually are going to need more room. </div>
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<b>7. What date from 2013 will remain etched in your memory and why? </b>I cannot think of a date that jumps out at me. Honestly, a lot of 2013 was a blur from sleepless nights and crazy baby schedule. It's been a hectic year, but a good one. </div>
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<strong>8. What was your biggest achievement this year? </strong>Nursing my daughter for one full year, then finally getting her weaned. </div>
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<b>9. Did you suffer illness or injury? </b>No illness or injury for me this year - ha ha ha .. this tells you how bad my mom brain is. I totally had surgery in 2013, had my gallbladder removed in May. you know, nothing big, just a major surgery and a miserable baby who couldn't nurse for over 24 hours. Luckily the surgery was fairly easy and recovery occurred pretty quickly. </div>
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<b>10. What was the best thing you bought? </b>The best thing I bought this year was a gun safe for my husband. I feel so much safer knowing that G and future children cannot get to them and hurt themselves or anyone else. </div>
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<b>11. Where did most of your money go? </b>Most of our money went towards our baby and baby stuff - diapers, wipes, food. </div>
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<b>12. What song will always remind you of 2013? </b>I'm really not sure. I don't often associate songs to certain years. Usually songs remind me of people, places and events. Next year I may change this question to read "what songs will you remember most from this year, or what songs did you like the most this year". </div>
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<b>13. What do you wish you would have done more of?</b> I wish I could have blogged more. I guess the lack of blogging is a testament to how good the year was because I generally do not feel the need to write unless I am sad or things aren't going well. But I need to work on writing even when times are good. </div>
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<b>14. What do you wish you would have done less of? </b>I wish I would have spent less time on my phone and more time with my daughter. I find myself getting absorbed in my phone sometimes and it makes me feel like I am not giving my daughter enough attention. </div>
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<b>15. What was your favorite TV program? </b> It's a toss up between Scandal and the Blacklist. I love both of these shows, among others, but these two have been the best so far because they are unlike anything else on tv right now. </div>
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<b>16. What was the best book you read this year? </b>The best book series I read was the Divergent series by Veronica Roth. </div>
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<b>17. What was your favorite film of the year? </b>I haven't had a lot of time to watch movies because of G, but I did make time to go to the movies to see the second Hunger Games movie, Catching Fire. I have loved the book series and the movies are proving to be excellent as well. </div>
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<b>18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? </b>This year I turned 31 and it was a pretty low key affair. I honestly do not remember what we did for my birthday. Let me think ... hmmm ... oh yeah. Steve and my mom and my nephew took me out for dinner at Texas Roadhouse. G came with us too of course. I had a drink, my first since way before I got pregnant with G. and I got a little buzz - such a light weight. </div>
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<strong>19. What national/world event stirred you the most? </strong>Hmmm ... national/world event? yikes, let's try to think of something that I can even remember. I know that sounds horrible, but when you have a new baby and are totally and completely wrapped up in that life, it's hard to pay attention to what's going on in the outside world. And yeah, still coming up totally and completely blank. Sorry. </div>
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<strong>20. Who was the best new person you met? </strong>The best new person I met was actually a group of people, the moms in G's play group. We are all different and have such different backgrounds, but they are some pretty cool women and I am enjoying getting to know them and their kids. </div>
Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-91987365875649257972013-07-19T22:32:00.002-04:002013-07-19T22:32:47.314-04:00Infertility ... from the other sideThe infertility clinic that I used has started an infertility support group. When I first saw the posting for it, I was a little jealous that this hadn't been available when we were first doing our treatments. Then I saw that it was open to everyone, not just people currently undergoing fertility treatments, but "survivors" as well. And then it hit me ... I'm a survivor! ... Sort of. <br />
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After many long years of trying to have a baby, I have finally achieved that dream. I suppose that my story could be seen as a something hopeful and a success story for other parents to learn from. But I am not sure that anyone currently experiencing infertility will be interested in hearing it. When I was going through treatments I can remember being equal parts happy and jealous of other infertility gals who were pregnant. I was happy for them, but I didn't want to hear all about it or use them as an example of success and that "it could happen for me". I just don't work that way. It's not that I wasn't hopeful or anything like that, I just couldn't let myself truly believe that it would happen to me. I had built up my defenses and other people's success stories just didn't work that way for me.<br />
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And now, here I am. The one with the success story. And I would love to shout it from the mountain tops and share my journey with anyone who wants to listen. But I remember what it was like to be in the trenches of infertility, to be afraid to hope, but terrified not to try. So instead I will keep posting my story here and hope that it helps someone who is looking for hope and gets skipped over by the woman who isn't ready to hear the details of someone else's success story yet. <br />
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Plus, my journey isn't over yet. I know that I want another baby, someday. My husband and I have two frozen embryos that we have all of our hopes pinned on at this point. Our current plan is to try naturally, on our own for 6 months to a year and if we don't succeed, then we will pursue a frozen embryo transfer. I know that we are lucky to have these embryos and a "back up" plan if trying on our own doesn't work, but I'm still scared about starting down that road again. I don't look for to the emotional and hormonal pitfalls that await us. Maybe the second time around won't be so bad, especially because we know pretty much what to expect. But I still worry what we will do if we are not successful on our own and our frozen embryo transfer doesn't work either. Then we will be back at square one, a place I hope we never see again. <br />
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So yes, I had a baby, and I guess that makes me a survivor. But I know my journey is far from over. However, if this is the only baby we have, I will forever be grateful for an amazing pregnancy and an amazing daughter. She is perfect and the answer to so many of our prayers. I might be sad that we never have another baby, but I can be happy and grateful for the child we do have. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-43059168298704132542013-06-29T09:29:00.002-04:002013-06-29T09:29:57.733-04:00Marriage stumbling blocksI always knew that having a baby would change my relationship with my husband. Unfortunately, I only ever looked at the positive changes and really didn't think about any of the negative changes that we would experience. I love my husband, with all of my heart and soul. But I love my baby more. I know that probably sounds horrible, but it's true. Ok, maybe I don't love her more, because the love I feel for her is completely different than the love I feel for him. The love I have for my daughter will never go away, even on days when I don't like her very much, I will always love her. There is nothing she can do to stop me from loving her. It's impossible for that to happen once you have carried another human being inside your body, she's a part of me and I have loved her from the moment they took my egg and his sperm and gave her back to me a few days later. <br />
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I love my husband too. But it's not the same as the love for a child. The love of a husband is something that can be lost or broken. It's something that suffers from sleepless nights and long absences and hurt feelings. It is something that has to be constantly fed and taken care of or it gets lost. While I don't doubt that my husband loves me or that I love him, I feel like we are starting on the road that might eventually lead us to not love one another anymore. And I know you are probably thinking, "then get off your butt and do something about it", and I want to, but I am just so tired! Tiredness is the constant name of the game these days. I would love to make an effort, get dressed up, get out and do something with my man, but I'm too tired. And so is he. He spends two weeks on the road and when he's home for the week, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to be home with our daughter and spend as much quality time as he can with her.<br />
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And maybe that's part of the problem too. I love his relationship with her. I think our daughter is the luckiest person in the world because she has his love and attention and I know how wonderful that is from him. But that's just the problem, I'm a little jealous (and seriously, just a little jealous). I always thought he would have the problem with us having a baby and be jealous of the time I would have to spend with her that would take away from all of the time and attention I focused on him, but apparently it has worked the other way around. I just wish he would spend a little bit of love and attention on me too instead of making me feel like an after thought. Here's what I mean: He will walk in the door from work and he immediately looks at her, kisses her, talks to her and loves on her. Once he's done, he will come over and kiss me and say hi, then back to her. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with him which is the one thing I am craving after being with our baby constantly for 2 weeks. And that wouldn't bother me at all, if he would spend a little attention on me once she is in bed or down for a nap. But that doesn't happen. <br />
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I guess the problem is not so much that I feel jealous of the time he spends with our daughter, but I feel lost and unimportant in the eyes of my husband. As my best friend so aptly said, "when my husband walks in the door and the baby wants his attention, I become the woman who is the nanny, cook, maid and mistress, not the mama, not the wife, and more importantly - not me". And as many men do, I don't think my husband even realizes that he is making me feel this way. There seems to be confusion between what I need/want from him versus stuff that just needs to be done. So if he completes something off "the list of things that need done" otherwise known as the "honey do list" (which my husband absolutely hates calling it), he feels like I should be happy and that he has completed this amazing feat. Meanwhile, all I want from him is a foot rub and a little adult conversation at the end of the day. <br />
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But it's not all his fault either. I know that I have to do some stuff too. I feel like all I have to talk about these days is our daughter. I mean how many times does he want to hear about her poop schedule or how she slept, or didn't sleep in our case? I get that I have suddenly become this boring, child brained person who is constantly tired and withholds sex because I am just too tired to try. I need to make an effort. I need to get out of my nursing tank and yoga pants and pretty myself up for my man. I need to talk to him about this and make sure that we are making a date night at least once every 6 weeks. I need to get myself in a better frame of mind and put some effort back into this relationship too. <br />
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Marriage is hard work yo! But in the end, I know that my husband loves me and would do anything to make me happy (within reason anyways). I think it's time for a major heart to heart with him. Good thing we are planning to go out this afternoon for some shopping and lunch while my mom watches the baby. Hopefully we can help each other figure out exactly what it is we need and can get our marriage back on track again. Like I said before, I always knew our marriage would be different after having a baby and in so many ways it's better, but there is always a down side that requires work to get through it. <br />
Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-9834313653708140882013-06-16T22:26:00.001-04:002013-06-16T22:26:53.963-04:00<a blog="" claim="xcc8tc4bspq"" href="http://www.blogger.com/%3Ca%20href=" http:="" www.bloglovin.com="">Follow">http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/8333797/?claim=xcc8tc4bspq">Follow</a> my blog with BloglovinMandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-50185552577473424862013-06-16T13:13:00.001-04:002013-06-16T13:13:16.801-04:00FrustrationLet me preface this blog post by saying that I love my daughter. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do not, will not, and could not wish her away. Having said that ... let me say .. mommy needs a vacation!!! <br />
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I write this post after a horrible horrible night. Grace went to bed last night at 9 pm, I nursed her, she was happy and went to sleep in her crib. She then proceeded to wake up at 10 pm, 11:20 pm (I nursed her here) and again at 12 pm. During this time I was able to put her back to sleep in her crib. After the midnight wake up, she would not sleep in her crib. So I brought her into our bedroom and put her in the rock n play (which we keep set up for emergency nights like this when I can't get her to sleep in the crib and Steve is home and in bed for the night). So .. she's in the rock n play and wakes up at 1 am, 2 am and 2:50 am. At this point I am ready to cry because every time she wakes up it takes 15-20 minutes to get her back to sleep, put her down, and then try to get myself back to sleep. At 3 am she was done. She wouldn't go down in the crib, she wouldn't go down in the rock n play, she only wanted to sleep in mommy's arms. Which I don't totally mind, but I am exhausted from all of our up and down and I really don't want to put her in bed with us because Steve is there and he's being a bed hog. I try to nurse her, which works until it doesn't and she's awake again. Finally at 4:15 am I gave her gas drops and Tylenol (she was definitely feeling a little warm) and nursed her again. and amazingly - she went to sleep!! in her crib!! and slept until 7:20 am. I have no clue how much sleep I really got, but I know it wasn't enough. <br />
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I hate nights like this! And they seem to happen a little more often lately. It's super frustrating and overwhelming for me. Especially because I just don't know what to do for her. She gets upset and cries and when I try to hold her she keeps trying to throw herself backwards. How do other mom's cope with this? or do I have the only child in the world who is like this? I want the baby back that used to sleep 8-10 hours a night! I'm not sure why that changed, but I can tell you when it changed. It started at 4 months when she started to teeth. She hasn't slept a full nigh since then. <br />
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I love being a mom and I love my peanut, but there are days (and nights) when I wish I could take a break. I know this is pretty normal, but I never thought I would be saying it out loud. I guess I was naïve enough to think that I would be different from my other mom friends who complained about their kids and wishing they could take a vacation. I thought since I wanted a baby so badly and my perspective on motherhood and appreciation for how difficult it was to get pregnant would make me different. HAHAHAH ... guess the joke is on me!! When I was pregnant I refused to complain, out loud to anyone other than my husband. I just felt like I had wanted to get pregnant so badly and when I finally was pregnant I didn't have to right to complain about this thing that I had wanted so badly. Don't get me wrong, I had a really great pregnancy and generally felt really good, but my feet hurt, and my back hurt and have gestational diabetes and taking insulin kinda sucked, but I sucked it up and tried my hardest not to complain. <br />
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well ... I am not going to keep this frustration to myself. I know that I have to let it out and I need to find support from other moms. Because if I don't, I'll have a major meltdown and cry at 4 o'clock in the morning like I did last night. But it was either cry or vent my frustration at her, and I could never do that, so I picked crying. It made me feel better and definitely helped release some of the stress I was feeling. But I feel like that's a short term solution, not something I can do all the time when I am frustrated. I think I need to do something for myself, like get out and exercise or something like that. Something that is a stress reliever and a break from baby type of thing. <br />
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Anyone have any suggestions? How did you cope with being a new mom and the frustration that sometimes comes with it? <br />
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Being a mom has been the biggest challenge I have ever faced. And I am ready for that challenge, but sometimes we all need a little help and encouragement when we hit a bump in the road. <br />
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Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-65741035237710716002013-06-16T12:45:00.001-04:002013-06-16T12:45:13.224-04:008 months oldIt is so hard to believe that Grace is 8 months old already. In just a few short months she will be 1!! I can't believe how quickly my baby is growing up! and she isn't my little baby anymore either. She has become so active and mobile and is growing so fast. I love all of the things she is doing and learning, but I already miss my little baby (although I don't miss the rough, sleepless first couple of months). <br />
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Grace is doing so many fun things now. She's starting to get such a little personality and she's beginning to become aware of and interact with the world around her. She has been crawling (or at least her version of crawling) since about 7 months and has been pulling herself up and standing for a few weeks now. I swear she is ready to start walking any day now. Although she is still pretty unsteady on her feet and hasn't started creeping along the furniture yet. I suspect that she will probably be an early walker though. (this was written a few days before she turned 8 months, and the night before she turned 8 months she walked along the furniture for the first time). <br />
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One of the funny things she does is make this really cute snooty face. She wrinkles up her nose, squinches her eyes closed, and puckers her lips up and then does this really quick fast breathing in and out through her nose. Its the cutest thing ever, but the hardest thing to catch on camera. I did however get it on our video camera which makes me very excited (along with her funny crawl). I try really hard to catch a lot of the things she is doing before she moves onto the next thing, which happens so quickly sometimes. <br />
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Another favorite thing Grace likes to do is shake her head back and forth. This originally started a few months ago when she was teething. She would hold the teething ring in her hands and rub her mouth back and forth across it. Once she realized she didn't need to use the teething ring to do this, she started shaking her head all the time. It was super sweet and every time she did it we would say "no, no, no". Then all of a sudden she stopped doing it - right about the time she started making her snooty face. Well .. the "no no no headshake" is back again. I love watching her learn new skills and seeing them come back after being away for a little bit. <br />
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Grace is starting to eat some finger foods. Mostly we've started her on puffs to start practicing picking things up and getting used to having something more solid in her mouth. I think this month in addition to adding meat based baby food into her diet, we will start adding some other finger foods as well. I am thinking maybe really cooked carrots that she can mash in her mouth and stuff like that. Honestly I have no clue what I am doing with this feeding stuff, but I know she can't be on baby food forever and she wants so badly to feed herself. Mealtime has become quite an adventure for us because she likes to grab the spoon I am feeding her with or tries to knock the food off the spoon and play with it on the tray of the highchair. I've sometimes resorted to giving her her own spoon to play with while she eats. So the more stuff she can start eating on her own I think the better. <br />
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Grace is very affectionate with us. She lucks to hug and snuggle and give us kisses. Usually her kisses are more like licks on the face, but I will take it. I love this little girl so much and she is so sweet and loving. She's also very bullheaded and determined already. We definitely have to do things on "Grace's schedule" and not the schedule I want her to do. I can fight with her for 20 minutes to nurse and finally give up, put her down to play and 5 minutes later she's crawling into my lap looking to nurse. It can be super frustrating at times, but I am trying to just go with the flow and let her lead me a little. <br />
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And finally I will wrap up this super long post with the last fun thing Grace has started to do which is dance. She loves music, especially the music on commercials and at the beginning of tv shows. When a few certain commercials come on (the ones on Sprout and the HUB for seat pets, flashlight friends, and stuffy animals) she will stop what she's doing and swivel around towards the tv and stare! She becomes glued to the TV until the commercial is over, it's super cute to see. And when the music comes on she will stand where she is and bounce her body up and down and if she's sitting she will bounce her head and upper body. I really need to catch it on video asap. <br />
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So .. here's a picture of our big girl ... can't believe she's going to be 1 in just a few months!!!<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-7419317266457291672013-05-28T22:18:00.000-04:002013-05-28T22:20:55.924-04:00It's Been Way Too LongWow.. I can't believe it's been 5 months since I last added any posts. I spend a lot of time writing blog posts in my head, but not actually typing anything on here. Grace keeps me super busy and with her current schedule, I am too busy during nap times and too tired at bedtime to spend time on the computer. <br />
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Speaking of Grace .. let's get up to speed. She is 7 1/2 months old and driving me crazy (not really), ok sometimes she drives me crazy. After starting to teeth at 4 months and getting her first tooth at 5 months, she is sporting 7 teeth in her little mouth. Seven teeth that came in one right after another in miserable, non sleeping, low grade fever inducing succession. In other news, she has started to crawl, or at least her equivalent of crawling. She does this half scoot, half crawl thing that is so funny to see. At first I thought I should be worried about it, but I think she's going to start walking sooner than later, so this is just her temporary means of transportation. The reason we think she is going to walk sooner than later is because she has become very good at pulling herself up with everything she possibly can, my arm, the couch, the baby gate, her dad's leg, the toy bin, etc..<br />
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She is such a determined little thing. She gets that from me and she's stubborn which she gets from her dad. We definitely have our hands full with this girl. In good things we finally got her to sleep in her crib instead of the rock n play She started trying to roll over in the rock n play and she started sitting up in it So, the rock n play had to go, but I was dreading putting her in the crib because I figured she would be super resistant to the idea. We had started getting her to sleep in a pack n play in our bedroom at around 4 months, but once she started teething that went out the window and back into the rock n play she went. Well ... the crib worked out much better. Initially she started out in the crib and then half way through the night she ended up in the rock n play, but now she is pretty solidly sleeping in the crib.<br />
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Or at least she was until a few nights ago. I don't know if she is teething again or if we are starting to experience separation anxiety or what the heck is going on, but it's crazy and this momma is tired!! Last night Grace was up 3 times and cried every time I put her down. Finally at 3 am I let her sleep in bed with me. I figured that was better than listening to her scream and cry every time I tried to put her down and walk away. This parenting this is hard!!<br />
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What else? She is becoming such a character and is starting to really develop a personality. She giggles and laughs a little bit, but not a ton. She's such a serious little thing and I suspect we will be spending a lot of time trying to get her to loosen up and have fun. She's currently wearing 3-6 month clothes, but is slowly getting into 6-9 month outfits. She's still a little on the petite side, but that's ok. Schedule wise she is not very steady. She's usually up between 7 and 8 am, and down for a nap within 2 hours, and after that it's hit or miss. She usually takes 3 naps a day that vary in length from 30 minutes to 90 minutes. She eats or nurses about every 2-3 hours.<br />
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So life is busy, but it's great! I am loving every minute of being home with my sweetheart and wouldn't trade this time with her for anything. I am also going to make an effort to try to post a little more, but honestly I can't make any promises. <br />
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Here's a recent picture of my princess ...<br />
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Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-39646718419788018332013-01-29T21:24:00.000-05:002013-01-29T21:24:14.293-05:00One YearToday is my 31st birthday. Yay me! But what's extra special about today is what happened a year ago. One year ago today Steve and I did our embryo transfer that gave us Grace. It's hard to believe how quickly a year can fly by! and what an amazing year it has been. <br />
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I look back at everything we have been through, all of the fertility drugs, the IUI's, the first IVF, the miscarriage, the second IVF and successful pregnancy and can't believe that we have finally made it to this place. It truly has been worth everything that we have gone through and every cent we have paid for these treatments. <br />
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On my 30th birthday I received the best gift I could ever have asked for. I will forever remember that birthday and in an era where aging is often a bad thing and birthdays become more of a burden than something to celebrate, I will always have this anniversary.. So instead of lamenting my 40th birthday some day, I will instead be celebrating the 10th anniversary of the day that gave us Grace. <br />
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Here is a recent pic of our beautiful Grace enjoying some tummy time on mommy and daddy's bed:<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-60381427421378183612013-01-02T10:33:00.001-05:002013-01-02T10:40:38.398-05:0020 Things About 2012 <br />
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I saw this neat questionnaire on another blog and thought this would be really fun to do. I know it's a few days into the New Year, but I didn't want to post this till 2012 was really over (just in case my answers would change) and with a baby and a house full of family yesterday, I didn't get a chance to do it until now. </div>
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<b>1. What did you do in 2012 that you have never done before? </b>I had a baby! </div>
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<b>2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year? </b>I didn't make any resolutions this year and I probably won't make any for next year. </div>
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<b>3. Did anyone close to you give birth? </b>Do I count? Both my sister and a sister in law had a baby this year - both of them were boys. </div>
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<b>4. Did anyone close to you die? </b>We lost my Pap this year. He was a great man and well loved. </div>
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<b>5. What places have you visited? </b>We took a vacation to Disney World this year with my mom and my nephew. </div>
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<b>6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? </b>Possibly a job. I had one for about 3 months in 2012 and quit early in my pregnancy. So a job would be nice, but one that I can do from home. </div>
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<b>7. What date from 2012 will remain etched in your memory and why? </b>October 13 will forever be on my mind - the day my daughter was born. It was the most magical day of my entire life. </div>
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<b>8. What was your biggest achievement this year? </b>Having a baby - we've tried for our entire marriage to have a baby and after 9 1/2 years we finally had our daughter. </div>
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<b>9. Did you suffer illness or injury? </b>No illness or injury for me this year ... just pregnancy. </div>
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<b>10. What was the best thing you bought? </b>I know this sounds bad, but our daughter. IVF is very expensive but she is worth every penny we paid for the procedure and the medications. Plus the cost of delivery was expensive too, but again - worth every penny. </div>
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<b>11. Where did most of your money go? </b>Most of our money went towards our baby and baby stuff - crib, dressers, swing, bassinet, pack n play, etc. </div>
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<b>12. What song will always remind you of 2012? </b>I'm really not sure. I don't often associate songs to certain years. Usually songs remind me of people, places and events. </div>
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<b>13. What do you wish you would have done more of?</b> I wish Steve and I would have done a little bit more couple stuff together. Having a baby means very little alone time with one another. A nice trip away for just the two of us would have been nice.</div>
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<b>14. What do you wish you would have done less of? </b>I wish I would have worried a little less. I loved being pregnant but so much of my joy was tempered by my worry that something would go wrong. </div>
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<b>15. What was your favorite TV program? </b> Well .. where to start? Grey's Anatomy, Criminal Minds, Vampire Diaries, The Voice, Scandal, Private Practice, How I Met Your Mother and the Big Bang Theory</div>
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<b>16. What was the best book you read this year? </b>The best book series I read was the Ally Conde Matched, Crossed, and Reached. </div>
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<b>17. What was your favorite film of the year? </b>Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 - I admit I am a huge Twilight Fan. I've read the books a ton of times and have seen every movie on opening day, except for this last one. Grace was less than a month old and I just couldn't leave her for that long. I did get to see it in the theaters, it just took me 2 weeks after it came out to get there. But I did get to see it and now I'm anxiously awaiting the DVD. </div>
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<b>18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? </b>This year I turned 30 and it is a birthday I will never forget. We did our IVF in January and had our egg retrieval on January 26th. Three days later, on my 30th birthday, we transferred 2 embryos which resulted in Grace - definitely the best birthday present ever!!!</div>
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<b>19. What national/world event stirred you the most? </b>The Olympics by far. I love watching the Olympics and always feel such a sense of patriotism as I root for the American athletes. I think it provides a great source of pride and community for our nation. This answer was typed earlier in the month of December while this post sat in draft and I didn't want to remove it because the Olympics really were great, but a horrible tragedy occurred in December 2012 that I have to write about because it was so sad and as a mother, struck very close to home. So the other event was the tragedy at the elementary school in Sandy Hook CT. It amazes me that anyone could take another's life, but to go into a school and shoot at young innocent children is just something beyond evil. I didn't watch much about this tragedy other than the initial news reports and such that occurred that day. I just couldn't stand to see continuous news coverage of something so sad and definitely had no desire to see tiny coffins and funeral services either. My heart goes out to those mothers who were not able to hold their baby's close this Christmas and into the new year. </div>
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<b>20. Who was the best new person you met? </b>My daughter Grace. She's amazing!! My life will forever be changed because of her. </div>
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Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-37120794443053280162012-12-18T13:37:00.000-05:002012-12-18T13:37:36.060-05:00Grace is 2 months old!I am so surprised at how fast time is flying by with a baby in the house. It seems like life revolves around sleeping, eating and pooping schedules .. lol,. but I would not have it any other way. I have such joy at finally being a mommy and I wouldn't trade any of it away. Even the sleep deprived horrible first few weeks we brought Grace home. She is our miracle baby and I try hard every day to appreciate and live in the moment. <br />
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Yesterday we had Grace's 2 month well check and she weighed in at 11 pounds and is 21.75 inches long. This is great news because until just about a week ago she was still wearing only Newborn sized clothing. To say she is petite is definitely an understatement. At this point I am not buying clothes for her until we need them. What I have in her drawers and closet will get us by until she's solidly in the next size of clothes. I have a feeling she some of the 3-6 month clothes will go out of season before she wears them, and the same for her 6-9 month clothes. But that's ok, luckily we didn't buy any clothes bigger than 9 months until we knew how much she would grow, which it appears isn't going to happen quickly. <br />
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Two weeks ago Grace started sleeping between 6 and 8 hours at night. The first night she did it I woke up at 4:30 am in a panic and immediately thought she was dead. But she was fine, just sleeping away in her Rock N Play. I kept putting my hand on her chest to make sure she was still breathing. After the third night I was hoping we had a pattern started and so far she's been sticking to it. Some nights it takes a bit to get her to go down for the night, but usually she's asleep before 11pm and has been waking up between 5 and 7 am to nurse, then back to sleep for a few hours. Usually we are up for the day no later than 9 am. And I admit that occasionally I still put my hand on her chest to make sure she's breathing in the middle of the night.<br />
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During the day she seems to be setting a schedule as well. After we are up in the morning, diaper changed and nursed, she's usually awake for an hour or so which allows me time to get a shower and blow dry my hair while she sits in her chair in the bathroom with me. After that she nurses again and usually sleeps for about an hour. Then she's up for a few hours, nurses a few times in there and then back out for usually a 2-4 hour nap. Evenings are a little more iffy. She tends to want to nurse every 1-2 hours and take cat naps in between. She's also a little bit more fussy in the evenings and mostly just wants to be held. <br />
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Grace is starting to smile all the time and likes to giggle. She also has started being very vocal and "talks" to mommy and daddy all the time. She's generally a very happy baby in the mornings. She also holds her head up really well and loves to look around. She gets upset if she wants to see stuff and you're not holding her in a way that allows that to happen. <br />
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I am adjusting well to being a stay at home mom. The staying at home part has been easy after being home since April. But the being a mom part is a little more challenging. I love it! But I always question myself about whether I am doing things the right way or not. I try not to worry about it too much and to acknowledge that I will make mistakes and that's ok. Like the other day, I felt so bad because I scratched her with one of my nails. She cried like I had tried to kill her and it made me want to cry and I felt so guilty. Then I reminded myself that accidents happen and she's bound to get hurt and a scratch isn't a big deal. Being a mom is hard enough work as it is without making myself feel guilty about every little thing. So I just keep doing what I'm doing, hoping I am doing right by her, and enjoying every second I have with this precious miracle. Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-77271835447398899772012-12-02T12:25:00.001-05:002012-12-02T13:03:55.420-05:00Crazy Life Wow .. I can't believe it's been so long since I updated on here. But it's true what they say about being a new mom and having zero time to spend on anything other than the baby. So let's catch up on what's been going on!<br />
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As maybe previously posted, my doctors wanted to induce at 39 weeks because of the gestational diabetes. That meant I would go to the hospital on October 11th for the induction. Well, that didn't happen. Instead I got a call on Wednesday saying that one of the doctors decided that they were going to wait until Monday the 15th to induce. No one said it, but I knew part of the reason is that the hospital had been super busy with baby's being born and they really weren't doing inductions on anyone if they could help it and mostly because there was no room. I was really upset when I got that call and basically spent all of Wednesday being an emotional and hormonal ball of tears. Oh did Steve love me!! We got into a big fight and everything. But I couldn't help it. I was so disappointed after having been told for weeks that I was being induced on that day and I was also worried about the baby. It's not like they were planning to induce me for the fun of it, there are obviously medical reasons to induce at that point.<br />
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Thursday morning the 11th I wake up and go to my regularly scheduled NST at the hospital at 11 am (good thing we had scheduled this the week before and not relied on that being induction day). I show up, they do the test and the nurse tells me that my blood pressure is elevated. This is the second time in the past few weeks, so she wants to talk to the doctor on call. And score for me because it's the doctor from the practice that was adamant I be induced at 39 weeks on the dot. I knew if there was any chance of me staying and getting induced anyways, this would be it. He decided to run bloodwork for pre-eclampsia and the nurse came back an hour later to tell me the doctor decided he was keeping me and they would start the induction that evening. I called Steve, told him to grab my bags and come to the hospital. The doctor came to see me shortly after that and told me that my bloodwork was fine, but since I was 39 weeks and had the gestational diabetes he wanted to keep me anyways. It would be a few hours until they started the induction because there were already a lot of women in labor and delivery, but he didn't want me to go home. At this point it was early afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. He told me I could have Steve bring me dinner and get a shower there but he didn't want me to go home and induction would start around 9 pm.<br />
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I didn't actually get my IV and moved into a labor room until after 10 pm that night. Apparently there were 5 babies born between 6 and 8 pm so there wasn't any time for them to get me ready, nor was there a room they could put me in until then. At 10:30pm they finally started me on the cytotech which is teeny tiny pill I would have to take every 4 hours. At this point I was already having mild contractions and they pills started making them a little more regular. By 6 am the doctor was ready to start the pitocin and I was dilated to 1 cm. And that's where I stopped. The contractions continued to increase but I wasn't dilating. The nurse checked me and said she felt scar tissue around my cervix and said it was probably because of a procedure I had done years ago. At noon on Friday the doctor came in, broke my water, and attempted to break the scar tissue away, but it was too painful for me. He said it would be easier once I had the epidural, but I wasn't quite ready to do that yet and wasn't even sure if I wanted an epidural. However, the nurse said I wasn't going to be able to dilate any further without them breaking the scar tissue away and at this point the contractions were starting to get stronger. I finally agreed that an epidural was probably the best option so the doctor could break away the scar tissue and I could finally start dilating. Unfortunately the anesthesiologists were all busy on other cases so I had to wait. Luckily they gave me something else for pain and that helped until I could get the epidural. <br />
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I was so happy when I got the epidural because I knew things were going to start progressing and I was anxious to have my baby. But of course, I have really bad luck and things didn't go according to plan. My contractions started to slow down and labor didn't progress with the pitocin. A new doctor from my practice came on call then and he told me he couldn't give me any more pitocin so he wanted to stop the pitocin for a few hours and then start it back up again. He said one of two things would happen, either my body would continue naturally in labor after stopping the pitocin or the pitocin would start my labor again that night. At 8 pm I was only dilated to a 4 so the pitocin was started again. At 4 am they checked me again and I was finally at an 8. Meanwhile the entire time during active labor they had to check my blood sugar every 2 hours, plus I was hooked up to monitors to watch the baby and had a catheter because of the epidural. <br />
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Finally shortly after 7 am on Saturday October 13th I was ready to push. The nurses told me that usually first time moms have to push for 2-3 hours, well let me tell you .. that was not happening! I was bound and determined this baby was coming out and sooner than later. At 7:50 am our beautiful little girl was born. Grace Elizabeth was born weighing 7lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long. After 9 years of marriage, several years of infertility treatments, 10 long months of pregnancy and 33 hours of labor, we had our miracle baby in our arms. <br />
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Since her birth we have been extremely busy. The first two weeks at home were pretty difficult. She had her days and nights mixed up and we had our hands full. Now it's mostly a blur, but I can remember feeling so frustrated and overwhelmed and scared. But week by week things have gotten better. I know her better now and have gotten better at figuring out what she wants and needs. Life with a baby is challenging, but it's been so rewarding already. I am completely in love with her and so thrilled that she's a part of our lives.<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-47036027173907594752012-09-23T23:00:00.000-04:002012-09-23T23:00:10.044-04:00Maternity Photo ShootLast weekend Steve and I got the opportunity to have a free maternity photo shoot. A girl I went to high school with is starting up her own photography business (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/studioonetwoonephotography">Studio One Two One</a>) and approached me about doing a free shoot so that she could promote her business. I was thrilled about the opportunity and excited to have professional pictures to document this amazing experience. We agreed to meet at a local state park and let her use us as her guinea pigs. All I can say is that the photos were amazing, she was great to work with, and we are so letting her take baby girl's newborn pictures. And .. because you will see it in the photos, we have officially decided to name baby girl Grace Elizabeth. Anyways .. here's a photo bomb of our pictures. Enjoy!!!<br />
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Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-21682612002161061992012-09-12T23:28:00.000-04:002012-09-12T23:28:01.953-04:0035 WeeksTomorrow I will officially be 35 weeks. Time sure is flying by and I can't believe there are only a few more weeks left in this pregnancy. Lots to update on .. so where to start?<br />
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Our amazing friends and family threw us a baby shower on August 26. It was a lot of fun and we got lots of wonderful gifts from some really amazing friends and family. The girls who put it all together did such a great job and I've had many people tell me it was the nicest shower they had been to. Because I am a huge reader and really want to instill the idea of this in baby girl's life, we asked the guests to bring us a copy of their favorite story book instead of a card. We got some really great books and I cannot wait to start reading them with her. Here are some pics from the baby shower:<br />
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Last week I started weekly NST's (non stress tests), BPP's (biophysical profiles) and weekly OB visits. The NST's are to test baby's heart rate with movement and to determine how she would fare during labor. I had to go to labor and delivery for the test because my OB office does not perform them there. They hooked me up to a machine with two probes - one to measure her heartbeat and one to measure any uterine activity (contractions). The nurse told me she would monitor for at least 20 minutes, but the test could take up to an hour. She gave me a button to push every time she moved. The nurse told me what they are looking for is to see baby's heart rate go up at least 15 beats per minute with movement and they want to see this happen at least 2 times in 20 minutes. At first baby wasn't being very active, but then she went crazy and passed the test with flying colors. </div>
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On Friday last week I had my first BPP but they also combined it with a growth scan since it had been 5 weeks since the last one. The BPP measures baby's heart rate, breathing, movement, and amniotic fluid around her. They give a baby 2 points for each of the categories with a max score of 8/8. She passed the test with flying colors and measured in at 4lbs 14oz. She is now in the 50th percentile for her weight, which is good because that means she won't be too big of a baby. </div>
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From this week forward I will have my BPP's on Mondays and NST's on Thursdays with an OB appointment mixed in there somewhere. This week's BPP was great and she scored an 8/8. NST is tomorrow and I imagine it will go well. I also had my OB appointment today and got to meet the newest doctor in the practice. This is nice so that when I go into labor I will know who is there delivering our baby girl. </div>
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I also got interesting news from the doctor today. Apparently because I have Gestational Diabetes, they will not let me go past 39 weeks. I thought the only reason they would induce me would be if the baby was really big or if I went past my due date. I guess that's not true. So if baby girl isn't here by 39 weeks, which is October 11th, they will induce. I was able to schedule my appointments for the rest of the pregnancy so I will find out for sure on October 8th when my induction will be. I'm so excited but also nervous now. I thought we had 5 weeks to go and now it's suddenly down to 4 or less .. crazy!!! </div>
<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-34842327246444280922012-08-08T10:54:00.001-04:002012-08-08T10:54:44.643-04:00A Letter to My DaughterDear Daughter,<br />
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You aren't even here yet and I love you so much. As I sit here writing this I can feel your movements and see my belly moving as you do what baby's in the womb do. I can't wait to see your sweet face and kiss your downy head. I have waited for this for so long and the time seems to drag some days. Other days it seems like this pregnancy is flying by and I desperately try to enjoy each and every moment of it. I don't know if I will get to ever experience this again and I have been so joyful in my happiness that I even get to experience this at all. I wonder what you will look like and what your personality will be. I know already that you are probably going to be stubborn, but at least I know you come by it honestly. <br />
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Someday your dad and I will tell you all about the long road we traveled to get where we are, but for now, just know that you have always been wanted and have been loved from the first moment, maybe even before. And because I love you so much already, I worry that I will not be good enough. Will I be able to give you all of the love and attention that you need? Will you know how much I want you to be happy and only want what is best for you? <br />
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I look forward to all of your years and the adventures we will have. I can't wait to play dress up and with dollhouses. To play baseball and soccer and go swimming in the summer. I look forward to your first day of school, your first boyfriend, your prom, your graduation, your wedding and everything else in between. But even while looking forward to those things, I worry. I want you to be a strong, independent person. I want you to be compassionate and understanding and tolerant. I want you to do what makes you the happiest in life, the thing you have the most passion for. I want you to love and be loved. I want you to have a confidence in yourself and to love yourself for who you are. <br />
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But how? How do I raise a daughter? How do I help you become the person you are meant to be? How do I help you be all of these things?<br />
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I know I will make mistakes and that our relationship will not be perfect. Because let's face it - nothing in life is perfect. But that's ok. I promise to tell you I'm sorry when I have made a mistake. I promise to love you unconditionally no matter what. I promise to listen to you and try to understand your point of view. I promise to always be here for you, for the good and the bad. I promise to listen with an open mind and heart. I promise to do the best that I can.<br />
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For now I just love you and your kicks and squirms. I love knowing that in 10 weeks I will be holding you in my arms. For now I just hold on to the idea that we have time, time to figure out all of the little stuff and time to enjoy the every day. <br />
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I love you baby girl. I can't wait to meet you.<br />
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Love,<br />
MomMandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-62439907905916367652012-08-05T20:23:00.003-04:002012-08-05T20:23:39.683-04:00Growth ScanOur growth scan was scheduled this past week on Wednesday. I was 28weeks 6 days at the scan and baby girl was measuring right on track for our due date of October 18. Apparently at this point they no longer use the CRL (crown to rump length) method for measurement, they measure the femur bone in the leg and use that for dating. I of course had the tech check to make sure she was still a girl ... and she is!! I know it's silly to keep asking, but a part of me fears that here I am preparing for this baby girl and she will be born and actually be a boy. How crazy would that be? I would love the baby no matter what, but it would definitely take a little adjustment.<br />
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Baby is measuring right now in the 63rd percentile for her weight. She was weighing in at 3lbs 2 oz. The tech told us this is pretty normal and right now they aren't concerned about her size, but will be keeping an eye on it because of the gestational diabetes. She also checked baby's heart and did a biophysical profile. She told me that I will get both growth scans and biophysical profiles a little later in the pregnancy - usually around week 34-36 - which is only 5 or 6 weeks from now ... aaahhh!!! <br />
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That's all that's new for now .. getting anxious for our princess to be here. Also excited about the baby shower which happens 3 weeks from today. Only one doctors appointment this week - 30 week check up with the OB. So far so good with everything ... and am still feeling pretty good, just starting to feel a little big now. But that's ok .. the longer we make it, the healthier baby girl will be.Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-73290603786375017152012-07-28T18:39:00.001-04:002012-07-28T18:40:04.815-04:00Happy 3rd Trimester!It's so hard to believe that I've made it to 28 weeks already. Only 12 more weeks to go and I think time is going to start flying by. Right now it seems like a really long ways away, but once we have our baby shower in a few weeks I think things are going to really come together and we will be counting down the days. <br />
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Things have still been going fairly well with the pregnancy. I have been increasing my insulin pretty much weekly, but that's pretty normal for this stage in pregnancy. My OB said I will probably see it leveling out in the next few weeks, but also not to be surprised if I see a little more increase in the next few weeks as well. <br />
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And lucky me .. I get another ultrasound!! They want to do a 28 week growth scan. I think because of the Gestational Diabetes we can do another ultrasound to track her progress so that's always fun. I love seeing my baby!! I briefly considered having a 3D ultrasound done, but they sort of freak me out and I think the pics are often a little scary looking. I have seen some really great pictures though, but Steve reminds me that that's not a guarantee our pictures will look that way and do I want to take the risk? So ... just another regular ultrasound for us. Which is actually ok, because I think it's fun not to know what she's really going to look like until she's here. <br />
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I am now having OB and Endo appointments every 2 weeks, which is time consuming and exciting at the same time. It's just one more milestone we've reached. The OB said I will be starting NST's (nonstress tests) sometime between 32 and 34 weeks. She didn't give me much detail, but I am pretty sure it's a weekly test and there will also be additional ultrasounds - all products of the gestational diabetes. <br />
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I am feeling lots of activity in my belly now. She is a very active girl and is most active in the evenings. And occasionally for about an hour or so around 5 or 6 in the morning. I am starting to feel a little more tired and after grocery shopping today, I realize that some things are becoming a little more difficult for me to do. I have been seeing a chiropractor regularly and that's helped a lot. I have been having some upper back pain which the doc says is my bodies way of compensating for my lower back and the pregnancy. My only major complain at this point is the constant peeing - especially at night. <strike>Some</strike> most nights I am up every hour on the hour (or more) to pee. I guess this is just my practice for when she is here and has me up all night. <br />
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Here is a 28 week picture:<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-62936318067747350032012-07-12T13:35:00.000-04:002012-07-17T21:42:47.232-04:0026 weeksWow .. it's hard to believe how quickly this pregnancy is flying by!! We only have 14 weeks left till we get to welcome our little girl (that's 98 days - double digits!!!). Things have been going well and I really have no major complaints at this point. I realize that I am very lucky with this pregnancy and despite the gestational diabetes, I feel great!<br />
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Some recent things that have been happening:<br />
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At my 20 week OB appointment the doctor decided that she wanted to be super cautious and send me for a Fetal Echo along with a level II ultrasound because the tech said at the 18 week anatomy scan the views were "limited". So I had to make an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine at one of the hospitals in Pittsburgh. Luckily they were able to get me in fairly quickly and we had our scans done on Monday June 11 at 21w4days. Steve wasn't able to go so my mom came with me instead. And everything went great!! Of course baby was being stubborn and the ultrasound tech had to work really hard to get a good view of her face and one of her hands, but she's perfect in every way. All of her measurements were spot on and when the doctor did the fetal echo her heart was perfect and not affected by the GD at all. I did have them check gender again, just to be sure she really is a girl .. and she is!!<br />
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A week after the ultrasound we went on vacation. Steve and I decided that because we didn't go on vacation last summer with my nephew, Dante, (something we had been doing every year for the past couple of years), we needed to do something extra special this year. We have gone to the beach in the past, but Steve didn't want to do that again. So instead we decided on Disney! It was a blast!! We flew out of the local airport into Orlando which was great because we only had a 15 minute drive to the airport, no parking fees, and it was a non stop flight. We spent 6 nights at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and went to a different park every day. We also made some time to go to SeaWorld. Don't worry ... I will try to get a blog post up soon about our vacation with lots of pictures.<br />
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Symptom wise I have been feeling really good. I have been nesting a little bit and trying to get things in the baby's room straightened out and ready for her arrival. Steve still needs to work on her closet - redoing the light, drywalling and hanging a closet organizer. We also need to get the room painted and the floor rug scrubbed, but that means we have to get the remaining stuff out of the room. I guess it's a good thing that all the baby furniture is on layaway and we don't have to worry about putting it somewhere. We have been receiving some things from friends and family already, so that needs sorting and then eventually put away. <br />
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I'm starting to feel a little more tired in the past few days than I have been previously. I am back to needing a little nap in the afternoon because I just can't seem to keep my eyes open. I know that I only have a few more weeks until I am in the third trimester, so I am sure that I am just starting to get the early effects of being tired. <br />
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What's coming up soon:<br />
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I have another OB appointment in 2 weeks, then it will be appointments every 2 weeks from here on out. That's always an exciting milestone to reach and the further along I get the more excited I am for her arrival. But I'm also more and more nervous about it all as well. I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that soon I will be bringing this little baby home .. and what the heck am I going to do with her??? I've wanted to be a mom for so long now, but yikes!! There's so many decisions to make right now and she's not even here yet. I don't want to think about all of the decisions I will have to make once she's here. It's very overwhelming at times, but I try to stay calm. It's not helpful to me or the baby to be stressed out, but sometimes I just can't help it. <br />
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The baby shower is officially set for Sunday August 26. I need to get the guest list finalized and addresses sorted out. I'm excited for the shower and it's just one step closer to our baby being here. Plus it's always fun to have a party and especially one that's focused around a baby that has been so badly wanted for so long.<br />
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Here's a 24 week baby bump picture:<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-72554517108819512942012-05-31T17:51:00.002-04:002012-05-31T17:51:33.222-04:0020 WeeksYay!! I am officially at the halfway point in this pregnancy. I never imagined being here and it's wonderful to know that moving forward I will be more pregnant than I have weeks left in the pregnancy. This has been a goal I have been counting down to and it felt like it would never get here. The next goal is 28 weeks which is the point where my doctor's office breathes a sigh of relief. <br />
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At this point I have been consistently feeling movement since about 18weeks 4 days. It's an amazing feeling to have this baby moving and kicking inside me. She isn't super active, but I usually feel here several times a day. At first the only time I could feel her was when I laid down on my back and relaxed. Then I could feel her kicking a little, but mostly just rolling. And let me tell you, that is one weird feeling!! It's almost a combination of that feeling you get when you go through a steep dip in the road or on a roller coaster and a tickle. Her favorite position is to lay across my stomach and face towards my back with her legs all curled up. I can tell when she is laying like this because I get an ache on my right side or the left side and if I push on my belly it's a little bit harder there.<br />
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Movements now are beginning to change. I am starting to be able to feel her when I am sitting and a few times now when I am standing. Yesterday was interesting because I kept getting this funny bump right near my belly button and I couldn't figure out what it was. It happened like three times throughout the day and I finally decided she either had the hiccups or I was having a muscle spasm of my own. I still don't know for sure, but would definitely be neat if it was her having the hiccups.<br />
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So far I still have not gained any weight. I have been holding steady at the same weight for about 4 or 5 weeks now. I have a little bit of a baby bump, but I would think at 5 months my belly should be a little bigger. I suspect that later I will find myself being especially big. The only problem I am having right now is that I am just not that hungry. I do eat, but it doesn't take much to fill me up and some days I don't have much of an appetite. Right now it feels like such a chore to figure out what to feed myself each day. I think maybe I am just frustrated with trying to find the right combination of foods to fit my diet and to keep my sugars at a good level. <br />
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Tomorrow I have an OB appointment. I am sure it will be a normal checkup. I will have to let them know that the Endo doctor has put me on insulin at night before bed. So far that has been going on. My morning and breakfast numbers have been good. I have added a little bit more carbs to my lunch meal so that number has increased a little and my dinner numbers are still a little up and down. I see the Endo doctor next week and have to go in for blood work for my monthly thyroid check. <br />
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Other than that there isn't much happening. My friends are getting together here at my house tomorrow to plan the baby shower. We pretty much know what we are going to do, so it's mostly a meet and greet so everyone can meet each other and for them to be able to divvy up the work and costs between them. I am thrilled that so many people want to help and are as excited about this baby as we are.<br />
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Oh ... we did do some other baby stuff this week. Steve and I put our crib and dressers on layaway this week. We wanted to just buy them, but unfortunately we don't have room yet in the baby's room. We are still working on getting our attic cleaned out and organized so that we can make room for baby stuff. Right now the baby's room is being used as temporary storage while we sort everything out. We are getting there, slowly but surely. But, back to baby purchases. We also ordered our glider and it will take 10-12 weeks because we picked the wood and fabric we wanted. Baby bedding has been decided upon, although not purchased yet and Steve has decided how he wants to paint the baby room. This is one of the things I am letting him have control of because I can't paint and I want him to be as much a part of all of this as possible. And he gets to help make all the decisions on the big purchases. Usually I do the research and pick a few things I like and then let him choose from a couple of options or I pass the ideas by him and get his approval. We really do make a great team and he is wonderful!! I think it's pretty cute when he decides that he wants to start looking at stuff and he gets online and starts showing me all this cute stuff he finds. <br />
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We still have some major work we are trying to get done in the house before the baby comes. The biggest indoor project is to get her closest redone. This means new drywall, mud and tape, and new electrical. Right now Steve is working on replacing all of the bedroom doors upstairs so that they all match and latch properly (an issue we currently have). He already replaced some lighting fixtures and we have a new one for the baby's room too, but he will put that up during the painting process. We ordered a fence for outside and a shed and we are just waiting for those to be installed. We've been told by the end of June it should be happening. The only other projects we really want to do is get a deck put on the back of the house, close in our little back porch and make it into a pantry. We are hoping to have that done by the end of the summer, but we will see.<br />
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Other big news for us is that we are going to Disney in 2 1/2 weeks. We are taking my mom and my 7 year old nephew with us. We usually do a summer vacation with them but last year we didn't take one because of our IVF and next year we probably won't take a vacation because the baby will be too young. And this is probably the last year we will be able to take any type of expensive vacation, so we decided to go all out. We are very excited and I can't wait to post pictures and stuff when we get back. <br />
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And finally ... here is a 20 week belly picture:<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-4518559828454587532012-05-21T19:01:00.003-04:002012-05-21T19:02:08.871-04:00Anatomy ScanToday was our big anatomy scan. I am currently 18 weeks and 4 days so Steve and I were both hoping we would be able to find out the baby's gender. My appointment was at 9 am which mean I had to be up around 7:30 to shower and do all that stuff. I was supposed to drink 16 oz of water an hour before the ultrasound and drink it in less than 15 minutes - no problem. <br />
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We got to the appointment and didn't have to wait very long to go back. The first thing the ultrasound tech said was that my bladder wasn't full enough. I told her I drank 16 oz of water and haven't peed since before I started drinking the water. She said a full bladder helps make the baby straighten up and right now the baby was curled up in a ball. So she said I might have to come back again in a few weeks to repeat the scan. Darn, that would be so horrible to have to go back and get to see my baby again. <br />
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She said she would scan as much as she could and go from there. So she started to scan the baby's arms and abdomen, heart and brain. She kept saying everything looked perfect and baby was measuring right on target. She seemed pleased with everything so we were too. She started to scan the spine and said she would have to do it in small sections because the baby was curled up and she couldn't see the very bottom of the spine and again said we would have to come back in a few weeks. Then all of a sudden the baby decided to move a little bit and instead of being crouched down with legs drawn up, baby stretched its legs out and she was able to get the bottom of the spine and leg measurements. <br />
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Then she asked us if we wanted to know the gender if she was able to see and we said yes. So she looked and showed us in between the legs and said it looked like a girl cause she wasn't really seeing any boy parts. Then she scanned a few more things and got a better shot at the parts and confirmed again that there were not any boy parts. So ... we are having a baby girl!!<br />
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In total the ultrasound only took like 20 minutes and at the end she wasn't sure if we would end up having to come back for another scan in a few weeks or not. Either way I will be having more than the average number of ultrasounds because of my gestational diabetes, but those won't really start until closer to 30 weeks. For now the baby is healthy looking and right on track. We are starting to decide on our final baby name - we've had a few that we like. I won't tell you our final decision yet but our top two contenders are Grace Elizabeth and Madelyn Faith. <br />
<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-37626210152156265932012-05-03T22:42:00.002-04:002012-05-04T14:09:11.458-04:0016 WeeksToday I am 16 weeks. It's exciting to be just a few weeks away from the half way point. I had lots of appointments this week - both the OB and the Endo doctor. My appointment with the OB went well. We had to decide if we wanted to do some optional testing. The first was cystic fibrosis testing and the second is a quad screening test that tests for possible birth defects. After much discussion, Steve and I decided that we were not interested in this testing. Basically our reasoning is that nothing we learned would change what we did about this pregnancy and in the end it's not worth the worry and stress that it would cause. So we are going to enjoy this pregnancy and pray for a healthy baby and be grateful for whatever it is God has gifted us with. <br />
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I also got to schedule my anatomy ultrasound. This is also the ultrasound where we can find out the sex of our baby. At first Steve and I didn't want to know what we were having. We are so happy and thrilled to be having a baby that we honestly do not care what sex the baby is. However, both of our parents and most of our friends are against us waiting to find out. Also, we know that because of the gestational diabetes we will end up having more ultrasounds than normal and at some point we risk the chance of finding out by accident. And .. we have agreed that it's better to just find out now rather than wait. And .. I just don't know if I can wait :) <br />
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This morning I had an appointment with the Endocrinologist who is monitoring my sugars for the gestational diabetes. So far things look great except for my 1 hour after breakfast level. For some reason no matter what I eat within the diet parameters my sugars are over the 140 norm. He said he would like me to eat 50% protein and 50% carbs and see if that can correct the problem. If not he said we might do a little bit of insulin only at breakfast. I am to continue monitoring my sugars and sending them in to him and follow up in 4 weeks. If anything needs to happen in the mean time they will call and let me know. <br />
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At this point my symptoms have pretty much gone away. I still have occasional queasiness and dry heave in the morning but it's like 1 day out of every 3 or 4. I am less tired than before and feel like I have a lot more energy. My sex drive has returned as well. But my boobs are growing more and hurt again when I had been feeling some relief in that area the past few weeks. I am now wearing a 42E in my bras and I know if I intend to breastfeed that these bras just are not going to cut it. Of course Steve isn't complaining about this growth and I wouldn't be either if they didn't hurt so darn bad .. lol.<br />
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I have also been looking at bunches of baby stuff. I am trying to find the patterns and stuff I like for the stroller and the car seat. Basically trying to figure out all of the things that I like and want to register for. But let me tell you - it's overwhelming!! I can't believe how much baby stuff there is out there and how many things you have to choose from. Thank goodness for a few good friends who have helped me determine what stuff is important and what we can do without. I am looking forward to all that will be coming as we progress through this pregnancy. <br />
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16 week belly picture:<br />
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<br />Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4912593503573414293.post-15254624882630398092012-04-19T22:05:00.001-04:002012-04-19T22:11:36.748-04:00Hello 2nd Trimester!!!I am so excited that today I am officially in my second trimester!! 14 weeks and counting and I am honestly beginning to get excited about this pregnancy. Not that I wasn't excited before, but my excitement has always been equally tempered by my nervousness that something could go wrong. As things are progressing I am feeling more and more comfortable and looking forward to enjoying pregnancy. It also helps that my queasiness is almost completely gone and I am beginning to have some energy again. <br />
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Currently I have lost 15 pounds since we started the in vitro process in January and I am starting to get a little bit of a belly. It's not much, but enough that Steve has commented on it and a few other friends and family members. Although I am also getting lots of comments that I am looking skinny. I think that's because my boobs are so much bigger and with the weight loss it's an optical illusion. I look forward to having more of a defined pregnancy belly. <br />
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A lot has been going on with the pregnancy in the past couple of weeks. At my 11 week appointment my OB decided that because of my history with PCOS (which gave me a higher than normal blood sugar level normally) that she wanted to do the 1 hour glucose test asap. I guess this is pretty standard practice in early pregnancy for women with PCOS. I failed the 1 hour test so last week I went back for the 3 hour glucose test. I did both tests at the local hospital and those techs were amazing. For the 3 hour test I had to get a fasting blood draw, once it was processed they had me drink the glucose drink (fruit punch flavored thank goodness and not cola). Then I got blood draws at 1 hour, 2 hours, and 3 hours. And this is where the techs there were so amazing. They have a bed that you can lay down between blood draws and they kept encouraging me to take advantage of it. After the 1 hour test I did lay down and wow ... that made things so much better. While I couldn't really nap, it was nice to be in a cool, darker area that was not the overcrowded waiting room. In the end though, I failed the 3 hour test as well. I officially have Gestational Diabetes.<br />
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Yesterday morning I had an appointment with the endocrinologist. He said my levels were elevated, but they were not out of this world. He thinks at this point we can control the diabetes with diet and exercise. The plan is for me to monitor my blood sugar first thing in the morning (fasting levels) and then again 1 hour after starting my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He gave me a monitor and then sent me for diabetes counseling and education. I went to another office where this wonderful nurse evaluated my current eating habits and then determined a meal plan that revolves around counting my carbs. Because I am pregnant she did not want to limit my total caloric intake and only wants me to monitor my protein in making sure that I am getting enough servings in a day. She was great and really helped me understand how to count carbs and how important it is to spread them evenly out through the day. If anyone else is gestational or even just diabetic, I highly recommend the <a href="http://www.calorieking.com/">Calorie King</a> for information about sugars and carbs and calories. They have a great app for IPhone that I downloaded. The best part about the app is that you can find your favorite restaurants and get a "food label" for the items on their menu. <br />
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This morning I met with the OB coordinator and went over all of my test results and family history. She gave me a big bag of goodies to go home with. (There was a lot of cool stuff in that bag - magazines, a list of the classes offered by the hospital, formula samples, etc). Unfortunately I have to go back in 2 weeks because my blood pressure was a little high so she was concerned and wants me to see the physician next time. After that appointment I will get to schedule my anatomy ultrasound and will hopefully know the sex of this baby in the next 6 weeks. Honestly, I don't care what this baby is. I have zero preference and am basically only finding out so that planning the nursery and the baby shower will be easier for all involved. But .. it's still kind of exciting that we will know soon.<br />
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Oh .. and almost forgot. I think I felt movement this morning. I'm not 100% sure that's what is was but here is what happened. This morning I was laying in bed and had a muscle spasm in my shoulder. The muscle spasm was one of those that pinches and jumps. While this is happening I feel a funny feeling in my belly, just above and at my pelvic bone. But it would happen and be gone just as quick. It was like a muscle spasm, but not the kind I was having it my shoulder, it was more like a vibration, it was annoying, but not painful and very light. And every time I would think I felt something, it would be gone. This happened a few times over the next couple of hours, but I just dismissed it. Then right before I got in the shower I felt it again and realized that it was located exactly where I have been finding the baby's heartbeat. I can only think that this is movement that I am feeling. I haven't felt it since and I realize that it's a little early so I haven't gotten excited about it yet, but it would definitely be cool if that's what I was feeling. <br />
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Well .. that's all that's happening on the baby front. There are some other things going on in my life and I hope to blog about them soon. And I promise I am trying to get better about blogging as this is kind of the only place I am keeping a record of what's happening with this pregnancy and I really don't want to forget stuff. Till next time ... hugs!Mandyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04376403275911982006noreply@blogger.com1