It's official - I have an IVF schedule for January!!
Tonight I start birth control pills. I take my pill at night along with a prenatal, a baby aspirin, and 1500 mg of metformin. (I'm actually only taking 500mg right now, but in a few days I will up it to 1000 mg and then a few days after that to the 1500mg). In the morning I take a synthroid pill for my thyroid - the RE decided that my levels were a little elevated before the first IVF, so she put me on the meds to see if it would help during this round. The most recent check of my levels show the meds are working and things look great.
Continuing on with the schedule - on January 3rd I will start the lupron shots in the evening and continue through to retrieval. Last birth control pill is January 7th and I go in on January 12th for a baseline appointment for bloodwork and ultrasound. If all looks good, I will start the stim meds on January 13th. Stim meds consist of bravelle in the morning and repronex in the evening with the lupron. Stims and monitoring continue over the next 10 days or so with daily or every other day checks.
Egg retrieval and transfer week are scheduled for the week of January 22nd. I've already taken a vacation day for Monday January 23rd. If retrieval is Monday or Tuesday, I will use sick hours for those days. Fingers crossed that all goes well. The only problem right now is that we have mandatory training for work the week of January 16th. I am hoping that I am able to be back in time and won't have to be late. Generally in the past I have been no more than 10 or 15 minutes past 8.
I am excited as I feel that things are slowly but surely falling into place. I already have the bravelle and the repronex. I only need to Lupron and then antibiotic for the retrieval and another pill that serves as an anti rejection med for transfer and progesterone in oil. These are shots that have to be taken after the retrieval and through the 12th week of pregnancy if it works. They are not exactly the most exciting shot to get because they have to be given intramuscular which means at the top of my butt. And unfortunately, I cannot give them to myself which means I have to find someone to give them to me every night. Last time my mom did it, even when Steve was home because he doesn't like needles and these needles are MASSIVE!!
Anyways .. hopefully 6 weeks from now I will be pregnant. A part of me can't think of any other option. It worked the first time, so it should work again right?
December 18, 2011
December 9, 2011
Office Party
Yesterday was my work office party. Why so early you ask? Well, there are several reasons we (and by we I mean my boss) decided to have the party this week. The first reason is that as I mentioned in another post my work place is going through major changes and we have 10 new people starting next Monday morning. (Basically they closed down our call center and moved those positions to the campus). The majority of the office wanted to have our party before all the new people came ... there are already 14 people in my office so that's a pretty big party anyways. Imagine adding 10 more complete strangers to the mix ... ahhhhh. The second reason it was decided to have the party early is because in addition to the new people starting next week, half of our office is in training for the new changes Monday through Thursday. And lastly, again because of the changes, our office will be closed next Friday to allow them to take down all of our cubicles and reconstruct the entire office to accommodate the new arrivals. This means that the rest of us will be working 4 ten hour days on Monday through Thursday. Hence, no time or desire to have a holiday party next week. And the following week is the week of Christmas and the ladies in my office are far too busy to make time for a party.
The party was held at our boss's house, which was nice because that meant that the alcohol could freely flow. In addition, somehow she convinced our campus president that because we were also doing some team building exercises (i.e. holiday games) we needed to close our office 2 hours early at 3:00pm. He was totally on board!! I don't even want to know how she made that happen. So at 3 we all closed up shop and headed out to the boss's house.
There was lots of food and of course drinks to go around. I stuck to pop. It's always safer that way as I tend to get "loose lips" when I drink and lord only knows what kind of a fool I would have made of myself then. We decided that eating was the first order of business and quickly dived into the many treats we had all contributed. After the food we played our "team building" games. Good thing too cause wouldn't you know, the campus president showed up just before we started them. And thankfully there were only 2 games and it felt eerily like a bridal shower.
Finally we were ready for the whole purpose of having the office party, the GIFT WAR. We have played the gift war every year for the past 4 years and every year it provides a few hours of fun and entertainment. See, we all bring a wrapped gift to the party (somewhere in the $15-$20 range). Everyone who brings a gift has their name placed in a hat/bucket/bowl and the game is started when the host picks the first name out of the hat. That person then chooses a present to open. Once she opens the present and displays for all to see, she chooses the next name. The next person gets to either open a present, or can steal the present the first person opened. This continues until all presents have been opened. If your present gets stolen, then you get the opportunity to either steal someone else's present or open a new one. Once a new present is opened, the next name is pulled and the game continues. This game can be quite fun as certain presents are highly sought after and can change hands many times throughout the game. The more people you have the more fun it is too.
Another aspect of the game is being the person who brings the most sought after gift. You know how there are people out there that just know how to pick the perfect gift? Well in this game, that person gets so much self satisfaction out of having the gift that everyone wanted to have. And for us, there was no exception to that. It's always best too to be the last person to choose because you get to set off a whole series of steals over the most coveted gifts.
I always feel bad for the person (people) who pick a gift to open that no one else wants and they get stuck with it. It's almost always my experience that the first person and the person who finally picks the last gift end up with the worst gifts. Ok, not the worst gifts, but the gifts that no one else seems to want. And not only was yesterday our office Christmas party but it was also my 5 year anniversary with the company. Go me!! That is how I ended up being the one to pick first. Last year I got to pick last which was great!!
By the end of the night the most coveted gift was about 4 different items. The first being a bottle of wine. The second being a bottle of wine and wine accessories. The third was a miscellaneous bag of candles and pretty candle holders. The fourth was a basket with snowmen votive holders and a plug in star with snowmen painted on the front. It's amazing how competitive these girls got over a bottle of wine .. lol. I ended up with none of these. I picked a reed diffuser set that sits on a plate with rocks and two votive candle holders. It was pretty and would have looked nice in my home. In the end though I felt bad for another girl who picked a stuffed dog and big can of popcorn. Her kids are in high school and she had no one she could even regift to, so I traded knowing that I have a seven year old nephew who would absolutely love a new stuffed friend and could eat popcorn night and day.
In the end, it was a really nice party and fun was had by all. Now it's back to the daily grind and all the craziness the holidays bring. Along with all the craziness that adding 10 new coworkers to our office will entail. Wish me luck!!!
The party was held at our boss's house, which was nice because that meant that the alcohol could freely flow. In addition, somehow she convinced our campus president that because we were also doing some team building exercises (i.e. holiday games) we needed to close our office 2 hours early at 3:00pm. He was totally on board!! I don't even want to know how she made that happen. So at 3 we all closed up shop and headed out to the boss's house.
There was lots of food and of course drinks to go around. I stuck to pop. It's always safer that way as I tend to get "loose lips" when I drink and lord only knows what kind of a fool I would have made of myself then. We decided that eating was the first order of business and quickly dived into the many treats we had all contributed. After the food we played our "team building" games. Good thing too cause wouldn't you know, the campus president showed up just before we started them. And thankfully there were only 2 games and it felt eerily like a bridal shower.
Finally we were ready for the whole purpose of having the office party, the GIFT WAR. We have played the gift war every year for the past 4 years and every year it provides a few hours of fun and entertainment. See, we all bring a wrapped gift to the party (somewhere in the $15-$20 range). Everyone who brings a gift has their name placed in a hat/bucket/bowl and the game is started when the host picks the first name out of the hat. That person then chooses a present to open. Once she opens the present and displays for all to see, she chooses the next name. The next person gets to either open a present, or can steal the present the first person opened. This continues until all presents have been opened. If your present gets stolen, then you get the opportunity to either steal someone else's present or open a new one. Once a new present is opened, the next name is pulled and the game continues. This game can be quite fun as certain presents are highly sought after and can change hands many times throughout the game. The more people you have the more fun it is too.
Another aspect of the game is being the person who brings the most sought after gift. You know how there are people out there that just know how to pick the perfect gift? Well in this game, that person gets so much self satisfaction out of having the gift that everyone wanted to have. And for us, there was no exception to that. It's always best too to be the last person to choose because you get to set off a whole series of steals over the most coveted gifts.
I always feel bad for the person (people) who pick a gift to open that no one else wants and they get stuck with it. It's almost always my experience that the first person and the person who finally picks the last gift end up with the worst gifts. Ok, not the worst gifts, but the gifts that no one else seems to want. And not only was yesterday our office Christmas party but it was also my 5 year anniversary with the company. Go me!! That is how I ended up being the one to pick first. Last year I got to pick last which was great!!
By the end of the night the most coveted gift was about 4 different items. The first being a bottle of wine. The second being a bottle of wine and wine accessories. The third was a miscellaneous bag of candles and pretty candle holders. The fourth was a basket with snowmen votive holders and a plug in star with snowmen painted on the front. It's amazing how competitive these girls got over a bottle of wine .. lol. I ended up with none of these. I picked a reed diffuser set that sits on a plate with rocks and two votive candle holders. It was pretty and would have looked nice in my home. In the end though I felt bad for another girl who picked a stuffed dog and big can of popcorn. Her kids are in high school and she had no one she could even regift to, so I traded knowing that I have a seven year old nephew who would absolutely love a new stuffed friend and could eat popcorn night and day.
In the end, it was a really nice party and fun was had by all. Now it's back to the daily grind and all the craziness the holidays bring. Along with all the craziness that adding 10 new coworkers to our office will entail. Wish me luck!!!
December 8, 2011
Blah
Today I am feeling very blah. I do not know if it is holiday blues, weather blues, Steve being away blues or just general blues. Regardless, I am feeling blue. And yes .. this is a whiny post .. so stop now if you really don't want to hear it.
Here are the many things going on that make me feel blue right now:
I think sometimes it takes putting all your sadness down on paper (or computer) to truly see how amazing your life really is and how your small sadnesses, while not unimportant, just aren't that bad. Life could be a lot more difficult for me and there are a lot of people out there who would love to have the life I do. So here I go, pulling up my boot straps and getting on with it.
Thanks for letting me have my moment of sadness and self pity. Now back to reality.
Here are the many things going on that make me feel blue right now:
- I am sick and tired of being cooped up in the house between my bedroom and the kitchen.
- I am having a hard time looking at the destruction in the hallway and the mess that is still in the living room.
- I am sad because I will not be able to decorate for Christmas this year
- My younger sister just announced that she is having another baby (there are a lot of issues here and this is an extremely emotional and upsetting thing for me.)
- My older brother and his future wife are having a baby (they are due about 3 weeks after I was).
- My husband is away and won't be home for another 4 days. He was home longer than normal this time which makes his leaving more difficult.
- The weather has been wet and rainy here and now we are seeing snow - yuck!!
- We are starting to have major changes here at work and if you can't tell by now, I don't really do well with change.
- I am worried about starting the IVF again next month.
- I feel a little lost right now and am not sure where I belong in life.
- I feel lonely and alone sometimes.
I think sometimes it takes putting all your sadness down on paper (or computer) to truly see how amazing your life really is and how your small sadnesses, while not unimportant, just aren't that bad. Life could be a lot more difficult for me and there are a lot of people out there who would love to have the life I do. So here I go, pulling up my boot straps and getting on with it.
Thanks for letting me have my moment of sadness and self pity. Now back to reality.
December 2, 2011
IVF vs Adoption
As previously posted in an earlier blog post, Steve and I were intending to do IVF #2 in November. But because of the major water leak in our house, we decided that we needed to postpone until after the first of the year. The biggest reason for this decision was stress levels. I am an easily stressed person and I am also a person who hates to live in chaos. We knew that the process of fixing the water damage in our house would leave us living in chaos for several weeks (we are still not fixed yet). The second reason we decided to wait was money. We knew that we were going to have to pay a deductible for our home owners insurance and we only had so much money in savings to pay for the IVF and meds. There just wasn't enough to do both and obviously fixing our house needed to come first.
After making the decision to postpone the IVF, we also began pondering whether or not this was still what we wanted to do. We again began considering the idea of adoption. Ultimately the goal for us is to have a baby. But I have always wanted to be pregnant. There are many good reasons to adopt and there are many good reasons to do the IVF, but I know ultimately I have to decide how important it is to be pregnant. Steve was totally and completely supportive of whatever decision I decided to make (because let's be honest, I had to make this decision but I didn't resent that because he assured me he was fine with anything I decided). We decided to research adoption a little bit and wait to make any decision until after we dealt with the house. Steve didn't want the pressure of decision making on top of the stress of house decision making and I think he was so right in feeling this way.
I had many preconceived notions about adoption. My biggest fear about domestic adoption was adopting a baby, falling in love with that baby, and then having the birth mother come back before the adoption is finalized and taking the baby back. I think that would be so incredibly hard!! I would hate for that to happen and have often thought I wouldn't consider adoption because of this fear. The other worry I had was about international adoption vs domestic adoption. I've always heard that it's easier to adopt internationally than it is domestically, but it's more difficult to adopt a baby internationally. I've only know a few people who were adopted or whom adopted a child. My next door neighbor was adopted and her birth mother was a family member of her adoptive parents. My sister in law's parents adopted two children from Romania and they were toddlers when adopted. So I had many preconceived notions, but I knew I needed to get past my fear and get informed. How could I make a decision without knowing as much as possible?
I started the adoption research process. First I called a good friend in Florida who had been through all of the infertility options except for IVF. I knew that she would be a great person to talk to about why she chose to do adoption over IVF. She gave me some great advice and some really good resources to start with. She explained how her adoption worked and how a few of her friends adoptions through the same network/agency had worked. From there I researched online and began investigating adoption agencies. My friend also found me a website that links to each states adoption laws and that was a great resource to have. I also started reading a blog "Portrait of An Adoption". Because November is National Adoption Month, the authors of this blog had a guest blogger every day of the month. Guest bloggers included adoptive parents, birth parents, and grown adopted children. It was an eye opening experience and gave me lots of things to think and ponder about.
Here's what I found out about adoption as it applies to me:
Another major influence in this decision is my health care coverage. We paid for our first IVF and medications completely out of pocket. If we do another round of IVF, we already have meds that our clinic donated to us. Also, my insurance coverage is changing after the first of the year. My insurance will now cover up to 50% of the costs of IVF with a maximum lifetime amount of $10000. Between the insurance and the money we have saved, we could do 2 IVF's if we wanted to.
After researching options and looking at the changes in our insurance coverage, we have decided to pursue another round of IVF. At this point our doctor is positive that I will be able to carry a baby and have a viable pregnancy as long as we can get good quality embryos. I want to give the option of pregnancy one more shot. I don't know what the future holds. Adoption may be in the cards for us yet. And who knows, if it doesn't work, maybe we will decide that it's just better to be great Aunts and Uncles and give up the idea of being parents. I believe it's in Gods hands now and we can only try to walk the path he leads us on.
After making the decision to postpone the IVF, we also began pondering whether or not this was still what we wanted to do. We again began considering the idea of adoption. Ultimately the goal for us is to have a baby. But I have always wanted to be pregnant. There are many good reasons to adopt and there are many good reasons to do the IVF, but I know ultimately I have to decide how important it is to be pregnant. Steve was totally and completely supportive of whatever decision I decided to make (because let's be honest, I had to make this decision but I didn't resent that because he assured me he was fine with anything I decided). We decided to research adoption a little bit and wait to make any decision until after we dealt with the house. Steve didn't want the pressure of decision making on top of the stress of house decision making and I think he was so right in feeling this way.
I had many preconceived notions about adoption. My biggest fear about domestic adoption was adopting a baby, falling in love with that baby, and then having the birth mother come back before the adoption is finalized and taking the baby back. I think that would be so incredibly hard!! I would hate for that to happen and have often thought I wouldn't consider adoption because of this fear. The other worry I had was about international adoption vs domestic adoption. I've always heard that it's easier to adopt internationally than it is domestically, but it's more difficult to adopt a baby internationally. I've only know a few people who were adopted or whom adopted a child. My next door neighbor was adopted and her birth mother was a family member of her adoptive parents. My sister in law's parents adopted two children from Romania and they were toddlers when adopted. So I had many preconceived notions, but I knew I needed to get past my fear and get informed. How could I make a decision without knowing as much as possible?
I started the adoption research process. First I called a good friend in Florida who had been through all of the infertility options except for IVF. I knew that she would be a great person to talk to about why she chose to do adoption over IVF. She gave me some great advice and some really good resources to start with. She explained how her adoption worked and how a few of her friends adoptions through the same network/agency had worked. From there I researched online and began investigating adoption agencies. My friend also found me a website that links to each states adoption laws and that was a great resource to have. I also started reading a blog "Portrait of An Adoption". Because November is National Adoption Month, the authors of this blog had a guest blogger every day of the month. Guest bloggers included adoptive parents, birth parents, and grown adopted children. It was an eye opening experience and gave me lots of things to think and ponder about.
Here's what I found out about adoption as it applies to me:
- Domestic adoptions are possible and not as difficult as I thought. You have a pretty good chance of adopting a newborn, but there are many steps involved in the process and the process may take a long time to get "matched" with a birth mother.
- An international adoption is probably not the best fit for Steve and I. I cannot imagine traveling to a foreign country and possibly living there for weeks or months on end to bring home a child.
- I love the idea of an open adoption, but it scares me at the same time.
- After reading things by adopted children that are now adults, I am afraid that if we adopted our child would one day resent the fact that we tried fertility treatments and feel like he/she was our "second choice". I would never want a child to feel that way and as a worrier, I think that might happen.
- I do not care if I am biologically related to my child.
- Foster adoption sounds like a great option, but my state only features children to adopt on the state website that are older children or young children with major health problems. I am not prepared to raise an older child at this point and I do not know if I want to raise a "sick" baby. I know that may sound callous, but I don't think any parent willingly says "give me a sick baby". If your child is sick you do what you have to do and I would be prepared to do that, but I just don't know if I could do it by choice.
Another major influence in this decision is my health care coverage. We paid for our first IVF and medications completely out of pocket. If we do another round of IVF, we already have meds that our clinic donated to us. Also, my insurance coverage is changing after the first of the year. My insurance will now cover up to 50% of the costs of IVF with a maximum lifetime amount of $10000. Between the insurance and the money we have saved, we could do 2 IVF's if we wanted to.
After researching options and looking at the changes in our insurance coverage, we have decided to pursue another round of IVF. At this point our doctor is positive that I will be able to carry a baby and have a viable pregnancy as long as we can get good quality embryos. I want to give the option of pregnancy one more shot. I don't know what the future holds. Adoption may be in the cards for us yet. And who knows, if it doesn't work, maybe we will decide that it's just better to be great Aunts and Uncles and give up the idea of being parents. I believe it's in Gods hands now and we can only try to walk the path he leads us on.
November 23, 2011
Thankful 1.15 - 1.23
Lots and lots to be thankful for!!
I am thankful for DVR. I love that I can run errands and live my life while my favorite shows are on TV, then watch them later, commerical free whenever I want. Some technology is grand.
I am thankful for books. I am a huge advocate of reading and love love love to curl up with a good book. In fact, I would rather read a good book than watch a TV show or movie (don't get me wrong .. i like TV, but I like books better). Books are the windows to imagination and allow the reader to experience worlds and situations far removed from every day life. Books provide knowledge, and knowledge is power.
I am thankful for my Reproductive Endocrinologist and staff at Reproductive Health Specialists for helping me in trying to make my dream of becoming a mother come true. I would not have briefly experienced the joys of pregnancy without them. I hope that in this next year, with their help, I will truly achieve my dreams.
I am thankful for good friends, especially Jessica Stephenson for taking me to see Breaking Dawn (or did I take her since I drove?) and to dinner after. I am a total Twihard. Although I love the books way better than the movies, I still like the movies and have to see them on opening day. Maybe next year I will actually go to the midnight showing.
I am thankful for being an Aunt. I have an amazing bunch of nieces and nephews who make me smile, laugh, and cry and give me a glimpse at what mommyhood will be like. I love you Angelica,... Stephen, Logan, Kylee, Audrey, Lindsey, Dante and Samuel!! and can't wait for my newest niece or nephew coming in May. Also, lots of love for my many "adopted" nieces and nephews. Life would not be complete without them all.
I am thankful for some amazing coworkers. They make work worth going to most days. There are definitely days when I hate my job, but the people I work with can really be great. Plus they know my personality and my faults and most of them like me anyways.
I am thankful for alcohol - nothing like a yummy drink before bed just because you can. I am not much of a drinker, but it's nice every once in awhile to have a drink and just enjoy myself.
I am thankful for my movers, shakers, and miracle makers gals. They are the most awesome women I have ever had the opportunity to know. You girls are the best and I can't thank you enough for all of your love and support. You all have made a huge difference in my life!!! I met this group of girls through the BabyCenter chat boards. We have been through a lot of fertility hurdles with each other.
I am thankful for my mom. She is one of my best friends and some day if I have a daughter, I hope that I have a relationship with her like the one I have with my mom.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
Day 14 Chocolate
Day 15 DVR
Day 16 Books
Day 17 Jessica Stephenson
Day 18 RE and RHS
Day 19 Being an Aunt
Day 20 Amazing Coworkers
Day 21 Alcohol
Day 22 Movers, Shakers and Miracle Makers
Day 23 My Mom
I am thankful for DVR. I love that I can run errands and live my life while my favorite shows are on TV, then watch them later, commerical free whenever I want. Some technology is grand.
I am thankful for books. I am a huge advocate of reading and love love love to curl up with a good book. In fact, I would rather read a good book than watch a TV show or movie (don't get me wrong .. i like TV, but I like books better). Books are the windows to imagination and allow the reader to experience worlds and situations far removed from every day life. Books provide knowledge, and knowledge is power.
I am thankful for my Reproductive Endocrinologist and staff at Reproductive Health Specialists for helping me in trying to make my dream of becoming a mother come true. I would not have briefly experienced the joys of pregnancy without them. I hope that in this next year, with their help, I will truly achieve my dreams.
I am thankful for good friends, especially Jessica Stephenson for taking me to see Breaking Dawn (or did I take her since I drove?) and to dinner after. I am a total Twihard. Although I love the books way better than the movies, I still like the movies and have to see them on opening day. Maybe next year I will actually go to the midnight showing.
I am thankful for being an Aunt. I have an amazing bunch of nieces and nephews who make me smile, laugh, and cry and give me a glimpse at what mommyhood will be like. I love you Angelica,... Stephen, Logan, Kylee, Audrey, Lindsey, Dante and Samuel!! and can't wait for my newest niece or nephew coming in May. Also, lots of love for my many "adopted" nieces and nephews. Life would not be complete without them all.
I am thankful for some amazing coworkers. They make work worth going to most days. There are definitely days when I hate my job, but the people I work with can really be great. Plus they know my personality and my faults and most of them like me anyways.
I am thankful for alcohol - nothing like a yummy drink before bed just because you can. I am not much of a drinker, but it's nice every once in awhile to have a drink and just enjoy myself.
I am thankful for my movers, shakers, and miracle makers gals. They are the most awesome women I have ever had the opportunity to know. You girls are the best and I can't thank you enough for all of your love and support. You all have made a huge difference in my life!!! I met this group of girls through the BabyCenter chat boards. We have been through a lot of fertility hurdles with each other.
I am thankful for my mom. She is one of my best friends and some day if I have a daughter, I hope that I have a relationship with her like the one I have with my mom.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
Day 14 Chocolate
Day 15 DVR
Day 16 Books
Day 17 Jessica Stephenson
Day 18 RE and RHS
Day 19 Being an Aunt
Day 20 Amazing Coworkers
Day 21 Alcohol
Day 22 Movers, Shakers and Miracle Makers
Day 23 My Mom
November 15, 2011
Indoor Water Feature
Ok ... so finally as promised, I am posting about my experience with the indoor water feature.
The week after we went on vacation, I came home from work and couldn't hear my dogs. Usually they hear my car pulling up outside and immediately start barking and getting all rowdy in their cage. On this day they weren't barking, even when I put my key in the lock and I started to get scared that there was something wrong with them. I thought for sure that they were dead. But as soon as I opened the door, I realized why they weren't barking. They couldn't hear me. Why? Because I had water pouring out of my foyer/hallway ceiling. I ran upstairs, assuming the water was coming from the bathroom and as I went into the bathroom, my first thought was "Did I forget to turn off the shower this morning?". It was not the shower however, it was the supply line running from the floor to the tank on the toilet. Luckily there is a shut off valve on this line and miraculously it worked and the water shut off. But I still had the immediate problem of what to do with the water that was not flooded throughout my house.
Steve had left that morning to go out of town for two weeks, so I called a good friend of ours and asked him to come help me. I knew that I was going to have to move furniture and stuff to clean up all the water. At this point the water had completed saturated my upstairs bathroom, the carpeting in my bedroom was wet in the doorway, the upstairs hallway carpet was soaked and the water had started to soak down the stairs. In the downstairs the water had soaked the entire ceiling, the walls and the flooring in the hallway/foyer(mind you we had just installed brand new laminate flooring in our living room, kitchen, and hallway/foyer). The water had also come through the ceiling in the living room and soaked our entertainment stand, it was sitting in 3 inches of water. And of course we have a ton of electronics in the living room - our 55 inch plasma tv, blu ray player, xbox 360, ps3, and wii (can you tell that we have no kids and spend lots of money on video game systems?). The water had also soaked into our basement. Needless to say, I think the water had probably been waterfalling in the house pretty much all day. I'd always wanted an indoor water feature, but this was really a little much.
Thank goodness that Steve decided he needed to be home and immediately left the job location he was on and drove 5 hours home. He took care of filing the insurance claim and dealing with the water disaster people. They came to the house the next day armed with industrial fans and massive dehumidifiers. We couldn't turn on certain lights because it would trip breakers which then meant a trip to the basement and the electrical panel to reset the breakers. And the worse part is that they had to tear down a few of our walls and rip up all of our flooring.
After 7 days of dehumidifiers, fans, and deconstruction, the house was finally dry. But it was bad. Really, really bad. We needed a new ceiling in the living room and hallway/foyer and new flooring in the living room, kitchen and hallway/foyer. They tore out a wall in the living room, 3 walls in the hallway/foyer, the flooring in the bathroom, the carpeting going up the stairs and at the top of the landing. All together the insurance adjuster said we had 10k in damages. And then began the reconstruction.
Oh wait .. we are still living in reconstruction world. 2 weekends ago we rented a storage unit to put all of our living room and dining room furniture in. Steve rented a drywall hoist and we began hanging drywall on the ceilings. But we couldn't finish the hallway/foyer ceiling because our bathroom shower started leaking. There was no sense putting up drywall until we knew that the shower wasn't leaking anymore. In addition to fixing the damaged rooms, we decided that we should do the dining room at the same time. It was the last room we had to finish in the house and I figured that if we were already going to be living in mass chaos, we might as well get it all done at once. Plus I didn't want to spend the time, effort, and money to do all of the other rooms and finish the dining room later, it just didn't make sense to me.
Right now most of the drywall has been hung, minus the few pieces in the hallway. We are just waiting for a friend of a friend to come in to mud and tape the drywall. He was supposed to come this weekend but had an abscessed tooth that led to an abscess on his jaw which led to emergency surgery yesterday morning. Hopefully he will be feeling well enough to come finish the work this weekend. I would love to be able to paint the weekend after Thanksgiving. Then we would only have to worry about the flooring and the bathroom. Yesterday I made the deposit for the flooring installation and ordered the hardwood from Lumber Liquidators. Hopefully, the floors will be installed the week before Christmas and we can move our furniture back into the house the week between Christmas and New Years.
But for now we are living mostly out of the kitchen downstairs and our bedroom upstairs. Thank goodness I bought Steve a tv for our bedroom as an anniversary present this year. Otherwise, we would be in big trouble. But our bed is comfy and the TV has a cable box and blu ray player attached, so for now we are set. I just hope I can last another month living this way. I miss my couch.
The week after we went on vacation, I came home from work and couldn't hear my dogs. Usually they hear my car pulling up outside and immediately start barking and getting all rowdy in their cage. On this day they weren't barking, even when I put my key in the lock and I started to get scared that there was something wrong with them. I thought for sure that they were dead. But as soon as I opened the door, I realized why they weren't barking. They couldn't hear me. Why? Because I had water pouring out of my foyer/hallway ceiling. I ran upstairs, assuming the water was coming from the bathroom and as I went into the bathroom, my first thought was "Did I forget to turn off the shower this morning?". It was not the shower however, it was the supply line running from the floor to the tank on the toilet. Luckily there is a shut off valve on this line and miraculously it worked and the water shut off. But I still had the immediate problem of what to do with the water that was not flooded throughout my house.
Steve had left that morning to go out of town for two weeks, so I called a good friend of ours and asked him to come help me. I knew that I was going to have to move furniture and stuff to clean up all the water. At this point the water had completed saturated my upstairs bathroom, the carpeting in my bedroom was wet in the doorway, the upstairs hallway carpet was soaked and the water had started to soak down the stairs. In the downstairs the water had soaked the entire ceiling, the walls and the flooring in the hallway/foyer(mind you we had just installed brand new laminate flooring in our living room, kitchen, and hallway/foyer). The water had also come through the ceiling in the living room and soaked our entertainment stand, it was sitting in 3 inches of water. And of course we have a ton of electronics in the living room - our 55 inch plasma tv, blu ray player, xbox 360, ps3, and wii (can you tell that we have no kids and spend lots of money on video game systems?). The water had also soaked into our basement. Needless to say, I think the water had probably been waterfalling in the house pretty much all day. I'd always wanted an indoor water feature, but this was really a little much.
Thank goodness that Steve decided he needed to be home and immediately left the job location he was on and drove 5 hours home. He took care of filing the insurance claim and dealing with the water disaster people. They came to the house the next day armed with industrial fans and massive dehumidifiers. We couldn't turn on certain lights because it would trip breakers which then meant a trip to the basement and the electrical panel to reset the breakers. And the worse part is that they had to tear down a few of our walls and rip up all of our flooring.
After 7 days of dehumidifiers, fans, and deconstruction, the house was finally dry. But it was bad. Really, really bad. We needed a new ceiling in the living room and hallway/foyer and new flooring in the living room, kitchen and hallway/foyer. They tore out a wall in the living room, 3 walls in the hallway/foyer, the flooring in the bathroom, the carpeting going up the stairs and at the top of the landing. All together the insurance adjuster said we had 10k in damages. And then began the reconstruction.
Oh wait .. we are still living in reconstruction world. 2 weekends ago we rented a storage unit to put all of our living room and dining room furniture in. Steve rented a drywall hoist and we began hanging drywall on the ceilings. But we couldn't finish the hallway/foyer ceiling because our bathroom shower started leaking. There was no sense putting up drywall until we knew that the shower wasn't leaking anymore. In addition to fixing the damaged rooms, we decided that we should do the dining room at the same time. It was the last room we had to finish in the house and I figured that if we were already going to be living in mass chaos, we might as well get it all done at once. Plus I didn't want to spend the time, effort, and money to do all of the other rooms and finish the dining room later, it just didn't make sense to me.
Right now most of the drywall has been hung, minus the few pieces in the hallway. We are just waiting for a friend of a friend to come in to mud and tape the drywall. He was supposed to come this weekend but had an abscessed tooth that led to an abscess on his jaw which led to emergency surgery yesterday morning. Hopefully he will be feeling well enough to come finish the work this weekend. I would love to be able to paint the weekend after Thanksgiving. Then we would only have to worry about the flooring and the bathroom. Yesterday I made the deposit for the flooring installation and ordered the hardwood from Lumber Liquidators. Hopefully, the floors will be installed the week before Christmas and we can move our furniture back into the house the week between Christmas and New Years.
But for now we are living mostly out of the kitchen downstairs and our bedroom upstairs. Thank goodness I bought Steve a tv for our bedroom as an anniversary present this year. Otherwise, we would be in big trouble. But our bed is comfy and the TV has a cable box and blu ray player attached, so for now we are set. I just hope I can last another month living this way. I miss my couch.
Thankful 1.14
Today I am thankful for chocolate. Although I am not a plain chocolate kind of girl. I prefer something with my chocolate - like peanuts, almonds, peanut butter or pretzels. Chocolate covered pretzels are my downfall. But I am equally in love with Reese's peanut butter cups and I love love love the holiday versions like pumpkins, trees, and eggs. I want to kiss whomever invented this tasty delicousness.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
Day 14 Chocolate
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
Day 14 Chocolate
November 14, 2011
Thankful 1.8 - 1.13
Again because I really slack sometimes at getting online daily, especially on the weekends, I have to combine several of my thankful posts into one. This is so far the biggest post yet, but at least I am still being thankful right?
I am thankful for an amazing family who has been there and supported me during some very hard recent events. I am especially thankful for my Aunt Fawn Pernelli and my Aunt Sally Henry who offered lots of love and support. When I had my miscarriage, my Aunt Fawn was super supportive and really understood where I was and what I was feeling. My Aunt Sally sent me a wonderful care package with a great book and an angel of courage that is sitting on my desk at work looking at me right now. Sometimes you don't truly know how loved you are until you hit hard times.
I am thankful for Faith A Huss. She has been my best friend since the 6th grade. We have been through many a life changing event together. I only regret the times where we let life cause us to drift apart, but we've always found our way back to each other and our friendship is and always will be a strong and lasting one. Thanks for being my friend - my chosen sister. Faith and I are both extremely busy girls. She is married with a son, a stepdaughter, and a baby. She has a very full plate, but still manages to make time every week to have dinner with me. I love our weekly dinners and look forward to them all week long.
I am also thankful for all of the men and women who serve for, fought for, and died for our country. Thank you for all that you have done and all that you do. This was my post for Veteran's Day and it was the perfect day to show my love and appreciation for all of our service men and women, past, present and future. Without their time and sacrifice, we would not be the country we are today.
I am thankful for my big comfy bed. With having all of our furniture in storage during the house repair, it's nice to have a comfy bed to relax on. I could not imagine spending as much time in my bedroom as I have been if the bed wasn't very comfortable.
I am thankful for online classes and college. I do not think I could have finished my college degree or would be doing grad school and working full time if I had to actually drive to and sit in class every week. There's nothing like doing homework at any time of the day while in your pajamas. I love the freedom and flexibility that online classes offer and would recommend this type of schooling to anyone who is disciplined enough to work independently and within the specified time frame.
I am thankful for my AIM girls. These ladies are some of the greatest girls I have ever "met". I treasure our friendship and I hope they all know how much of a difference they have made in my life. I joined a group on MSN about 9 years ago and met the majority of these women online. As MSN groups went away, we moved our group to MySpace and finally to Facebook. It's amazing how much friendship and support can come from a group of women that you have never met in real life. It may seem silly, but these girls are some of the best friends and we are all very close and share in each others lives as much as possible. Many of us have talked on the phone and a few of us have met in person. I look forward to meeting all of these girls in person someday.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
I am thankful for an amazing family who has been there and supported me during some very hard recent events. I am especially thankful for my Aunt Fawn Pernelli and my Aunt Sally Henry who offered lots of love and support. When I had my miscarriage, my Aunt Fawn was super supportive and really understood where I was and what I was feeling. My Aunt Sally sent me a wonderful care package with a great book and an angel of courage that is sitting on my desk at work looking at me right now. Sometimes you don't truly know how loved you are until you hit hard times.
I am thankful for Faith A Huss. She has been my best friend since the 6th grade. We have been through many a life changing event together. I only regret the times where we let life cause us to drift apart, but we've always found our way back to each other and our friendship is and always will be a strong and lasting one. Thanks for being my friend - my chosen sister. Faith and I are both extremely busy girls. She is married with a son, a stepdaughter, and a baby. She has a very full plate, but still manages to make time every week to have dinner with me. I love our weekly dinners and look forward to them all week long.
I am also thankful for all of the men and women who serve for, fought for, and died for our country. Thank you for all that you have done and all that you do. This was my post for Veteran's Day and it was the perfect day to show my love and appreciation for all of our service men and women, past, present and future. Without their time and sacrifice, we would not be the country we are today.
I am thankful for my big comfy bed. With having all of our furniture in storage during the house repair, it's nice to have a comfy bed to relax on. I could not imagine spending as much time in my bedroom as I have been if the bed wasn't very comfortable.
I am thankful for online classes and college. I do not think I could have finished my college degree or would be doing grad school and working full time if I had to actually drive to and sit in class every week. There's nothing like doing homework at any time of the day while in your pajamas. I love the freedom and flexibility that online classes offer and would recommend this type of schooling to anyone who is disciplined enough to work independently and within the specified time frame.
I am thankful for my AIM girls. These ladies are some of the greatest girls I have ever "met". I treasure our friendship and I hope they all know how much of a difference they have made in my life. I joined a group on MSN about 9 years ago and met the majority of these women online. As MSN groups went away, we moved our group to MySpace and finally to Facebook. It's amazing how much friendship and support can come from a group of women that you have never met in real life. It may seem silly, but these girls are some of the best friends and we are all very close and share in each others lives as much as possible. Many of us have talked on the phone and a few of us have met in person. I look forward to meeting all of these girls in person someday.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
Day 8 A supportive family
Day 9 Faith Huss - my BFF
Day 10 Veterans
Day 11 My Big Comfy Bed
Day 12 Online Classes/College
Day 13 AIM girls
November 8, 2011
Thankful 1.4 - 1.7
It's been an exceedingly crazy weekend so I haven't been able to post a lot to the blog, ok .. I haven't been able to post at all. I am also doing the thankfulness thing on Facebook, so don't think I haven't been thinking daily of something to be thankful for. And let me tell you, it's not an easy thing to try to come up with something new and original each day. Plus I don't want to be completely serious about all of my choices each day and there are definitely things I have in mind, but I want to spread some of those out. With that being said, here are the past 4 days of Thankfulness ...
1.4 - I am thankful for great friends and family who are there for us every time we call, who make time for us (even make us a priority :) and can be counted on, especially in a pinch. This was especially true on Saturday as some of the best friends and family came over to help us with home repair after our indoor water feature. (I know I know ... future blog post to come).
1.5 - I am thankful for my dogs, Sassy and Sadie, who love us even while living in chaos. they are sometimes a pain, but more often than not they bring us joy and happiness and unconditional love. Sassy is a two year old chocolate lab that we got from friends when she was a puppy. She spent the first year with her sister Maxie living at my mom's while we house hunted. We bought our house in May 2010 and brought Sassy home. In February 2011 we decided that Sassy needed a playmate so we adopted Sadie from the local shelter. She was just 11 weeks old when we got her and she was a tiny little thing. We quickly got to experience the "joys" of puppy ownership and realized how lucky we were that my mom had house trained and raised Sassy. But after a rough year, she is finally starting to calm down and is turning out to be a really nice dog.
1.6 - I am thankful for sick hours. After a long weekend of home repair, my muscles are rebelling - my body was not made for manual labor .. lol. I spent 4 hours on Sunday pulling staples and carpet tacks out of the stairs, risers, landing and upstairs hallway. Unfortunately I cannot do the heavy lifting (like drywalling and stuff) so I get the menial jobs (you know .. the ones that are tedious and extra horrible). But at least it's done and I don't have to worry about me or the dogs stepping on anything sticking up out of the floor.
1.7 - and finally today I am grateful for my husband's job. While I hate when he has to leave, I am grateful that not only does he have a job, but it's a job he loves as well. His job also will give me the ability one day to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately it costs a lot of money to pursue infertility treatment, but his job allows us to pay all of our bills so that the majority of my paychecks go towards our savings.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
1.4 - I am thankful for great friends and family who are there for us every time we call, who make time for us (even make us a priority :) and can be counted on, especially in a pinch. This was especially true on Saturday as some of the best friends and family came over to help us with home repair after our indoor water feature. (I know I know ... future blog post to come).
1.5 - I am thankful for my dogs, Sassy and Sadie, who love us even while living in chaos. they are sometimes a pain, but more often than not they bring us joy and happiness and unconditional love. Sassy is a two year old chocolate lab that we got from friends when she was a puppy. She spent the first year with her sister Maxie living at my mom's while we house hunted. We bought our house in May 2010 and brought Sassy home. In February 2011 we decided that Sassy needed a playmate so we adopted Sadie from the local shelter. She was just 11 weeks old when we got her and she was a tiny little thing. We quickly got to experience the "joys" of puppy ownership and realized how lucky we were that my mom had house trained and raised Sassy. But after a rough year, she is finally starting to calm down and is turning out to be a really nice dog.
See my pretty dogs:
1.6 - I am thankful for sick hours. After a long weekend of home repair, my muscles are rebelling - my body was not made for manual labor .. lol. I spent 4 hours on Sunday pulling staples and carpet tacks out of the stairs, risers, landing and upstairs hallway. Unfortunately I cannot do the heavy lifting (like drywalling and stuff) so I get the menial jobs (you know .. the ones that are tedious and extra horrible). But at least it's done and I don't have to worry about me or the dogs stepping on anything sticking up out of the floor.
1.7 - and finally today I am grateful for my husband's job. While I hate when he has to leave, I am grateful that not only does he have a job, but it's a job he loves as well. His job also will give me the ability one day to be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately it costs a lot of money to pursue infertility treatment, but his job allows us to pay all of our bills so that the majority of my paychecks go towards our savings.
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Day 4 Friends and Family who are there when we need them most
Day 5 my dogs - Sassy and Sadie
Day 6 Sick hours
Day 7 My husband's job
November 4, 2011
Thankful 1.3
Today as I sit at work and it's 4:30 pm, I am grateful for Fridays and 5 o'clock. It just can't come soon enough!!! Don't get me wrong, I like my job, but there are times when the days and weeks really seem to drag. I think it's worse when you have big plans for the weekend or when you've had a horrible day at work and all you want to do is escape. Have you ever noticed though that the day always drags when you are counting down to 5 o'clock? I like days that are busy and productive, it makes the time fly and 5 o'clock seems to come so much quicker.
Here is my list of things to be thankful for:
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
Here is my list of things to be thankful for:
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
Day 3 Fridays and 5 o'clock
November 3, 2011
Thankful 1.2
Today I am thankful for music. Music has played a major role in my life. When I was little I wanted to play the saxophone some day because that's what my older brother played in the school band. I was certain this was the instrument I was going to play in 4th grade when you could join the band. The year before you can join the band, the school hosts a meet and greet with kids who are interested in the band and their parents. The band teachers take the opportunity to introduce the possible instruments that students might like to play. Most often girls choose to play the flute or the clarinet. Boys like the drums and tuba. It's a pretty even mix with trumpets, saxophones and low brass instruments. My mom laughs when she tells the story of how I was so certain I was going to play that saxophone, but when they brought out the trombone and played it for us, my eyes got saucer wide and I told my mom that was the instrument I was going to play.
I loved playing the trombone. It's a beautiful sounding instrument and it's different. I played in the band the whole way through high school. In high school I played in several different bands - Marching Band, Jazz band, Concert Band and pit band for the musicals. I loved every minute of it. I had such a blast in marching band and eventually became the drum major my senior year with two other girls (a clarinet player and a flute player).
But band isn't the only way music has affected my life. I love music. I really don't care what it is ... I will pretty much listen to anything. Except maybe really hard core rap .. but who calls that music anyways? Music is a beautiful addition to life. It's amazing the power music has to bring up some of the best and worst memories. Music is used in movies to convey all kinds of feelings and emotions.
I hate to ride in the car without having music playing in the background. It's just too quiet without it. I also have music playing all day at work. It helps me tune out the sounds around me and lets me focus on my work. I don't think I will ever lose my love for music.
Here is my list of things to be thankful for:
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
I loved playing the trombone. It's a beautiful sounding instrument and it's different. I played in the band the whole way through high school. In high school I played in several different bands - Marching Band, Jazz band, Concert Band and pit band for the musicals. I loved every minute of it. I had such a blast in marching band and eventually became the drum major my senior year with two other girls (a clarinet player and a flute player).
But band isn't the only way music has affected my life. I love music. I really don't care what it is ... I will pretty much listen to anything. Except maybe really hard core rap .. but who calls that music anyways? Music is a beautiful addition to life. It's amazing the power music has to bring up some of the best and worst memories. Music is used in movies to convey all kinds of feelings and emotions.
I hate to ride in the car without having music playing in the background. It's just too quiet without it. I also have music playing all day at work. It helps me tune out the sounds around me and lets me focus on my work. I don't think I will ever lose my love for music.
Here is my list of things to be thankful for:
Day 1 My Husband
Day 2 Music
November 2, 2011
Vacation
Steve and I had an amazing vacation last month. We left on a Tuesday and headed out for Gatlinburg, TN to spend 5 nights in the amazing Smokey Mountains. We rented a cute little cabin right outside Pigeon Forge.
We spent several days exploring both Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge. We spent an evening at the Dixie Stampede, something Steve wasn't so sure about, but ended up having a blast at. One day we got up early, went to the Aquarium and then spent the day walking around Gatlinburg.
Let me just tell you, the Ripleys Aquarium is an amazing place to go. They have this massive shark tank that you get to see both from above and below. It's really a neat thing to be walking along and look up to see sharks swimming above you. Here are a few pictures of some of the things we liked the most at the aquarium.
After the Aquarium we went to Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum. Here are some of interesting pictures we took in and of the museum.
We spent one morning horseback riding and another we hiked to a popular waterfall. It was a wonderful, amazing and totally relaxing vacation. It was the perfect get away from everything we have been through. Just look at our smiling faces!!
23 Days of Thankfullness
Today marks 23 days until Thanksgiving and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I will be posting every day a short blog post about something that I am thankful for. I think this is a great opportunity to take stock of my life and really appreciate and be grateful for all of the wonderful people and things around me. Some of them are going to be silly I am sure because I am grateful and thankful for some silly things, but some of them will be serious too. I encourage everyone to take this month to appreciate and show thankfulness for all that you have.
With that being said, today I am thankful for my husband. He really truly is an amazing man. He works so hard to provide for us. He is often very selfless and volunteers his time to friends and family who need his help. He is loving and funny. He makes me laugh all the time and he makes it difficult to stay mad at him for a prolonged period of time. He is so supportive and has gone above and beyond in our quest to have a baby. I realize that many men may not have agree to go through all of the testing and providing "samples" for all of our fertility treatments, but he has been a trooper, even when he hasn't wanted to be. My husband loves and accepts me like no other and he "gets me". He honestly is my best friend and the best husband I could have ever asked for.
With that being said, today I am thankful for my husband. He really truly is an amazing man. He works so hard to provide for us. He is often very selfless and volunteers his time to friends and family who need his help. He is loving and funny. He makes me laugh all the time and he makes it difficult to stay mad at him for a prolonged period of time. He is so supportive and has gone above and beyond in our quest to have a baby. I realize that many men may not have agree to go through all of the testing and providing "samples" for all of our fertility treatments, but he has been a trooper, even when he hasn't wanted to be. My husband loves and accepts me like no other and he "gets me". He honestly is my best friend and the best husband I could have ever asked for.
October 31, 2011
Crazy
So it has been awhile since I have had time to post to the blog. Mostly because life has been exceedingly crazy. Steve and I were on vacation the second week of October. We went to Gatlinburg, TN and had a wonderful time. Future blog post to come!!
Also, a few days after returning home, Steve left to go back out of town for work and I came home from work to find we had suddenly acquired an indoor water feature. A line in our bathroom broke and was spewing water throughout the house. So again - future post and pictures to come about all of that funness.
And finally, I have been delayed in posting because I have fallen into a bit of a depression. I have so many thoughts and feelings and emotions going on right now and I am having a hard time sorting them all out. I think a lot of it is because of all of the stuff with the house and we have decided to postpone our IVF in November for a variety of reasons (and you guessed it - future blog post to come .. lol). I am just feeling super overwhelmed and confused and just when I thought I had dealt with the miscarriage, I find myself going back there again. Maybe I never really dealt with it because I was able to look forward to doing the IVF again so soon that I could avoid how I was feeling about the miscarriage.
With all of that being said, I have decided that it's time to maybe seek out some professional help. In some ways I feel weak for needing to talk to someone, but at the same time I realize that I can only self-diagnose myself so much. I think it will be good to have someone impartial to help me sort out of my feelings about everything going on around me. And I figure, it can't hurt. The worse that can happen is I decide I don't like it and that therapy isn't for me .. or really maybe the worst that can happen is that she says I really am crazy. :)
Also, a few days after returning home, Steve left to go back out of town for work and I came home from work to find we had suddenly acquired an indoor water feature. A line in our bathroom broke and was spewing water throughout the house. So again - future post and pictures to come about all of that funness.
And finally, I have been delayed in posting because I have fallen into a bit of a depression. I have so many thoughts and feelings and emotions going on right now and I am having a hard time sorting them all out. I think a lot of it is because of all of the stuff with the house and we have decided to postpone our IVF in November for a variety of reasons (and you guessed it - future blog post to come .. lol). I am just feeling super overwhelmed and confused and just when I thought I had dealt with the miscarriage, I find myself going back there again. Maybe I never really dealt with it because I was able to look forward to doing the IVF again so soon that I could avoid how I was feeling about the miscarriage.
With all of that being said, I have decided that it's time to maybe seek out some professional help. In some ways I feel weak for needing to talk to someone, but at the same time I realize that I can only self-diagnose myself so much. I think it will be good to have someone impartial to help me sort out of my feelings about everything going on around me. And I figure, it can't hurt. The worse that can happen is I decide I don't like it and that therapy isn't for me .. or really maybe the worst that can happen is that she says I really am crazy. :)
October 6, 2011
When I grow up ...
When you were a small child, what was your answer when someone asked you "what do you want to be when you grow up"? For my seven year old nephew the answer is that he wants to be a builder or a policeman or an army guy. Right now he wants to be a Jedi (he's such a cool kid!). When I was little, my initial answer was singer, dancer, and movie star. But eventually my answers changed. And good thing. I have zero talent for singing, dancing or acting. In fact, I am as far from those three things as possible.
As I was saying, eventually my answer changed. I told anyone who would listen that someday I was going to be a doctor and deliver babies. I was absolutely positive that this is what I was going to be when I grew up. Until I realized exactly what that entailed (of course I didn't realize this till I was about 12, but still - it was a rather rude awakening). Then I wanted to be a pediatrician. But I worried about having patients die and that sort of turned me away form that career path. I knew I wanted to do something in the medical field, I just didn't know what. I was super excited when I got chosen to be in a medical program my senior year in high school that allowed me to shadow local doctors and get a taste of the possible career choices. Unfortunately, I never really found anything I loved.
So instead I've spent my years in college pursuing a management degree and then business because I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I was never the one in school who had a plan all mapped out for my future. I envy the young men and women who attend school at the automotive college I work at because they know what they want to be and they have such a passion for what they are doing. I wish I felt the same way about something, anything. I envy most people who are so sure about what it is that they want to do.
Just recently I had an epiphany. Why does "what do you want to be when you grow up" have to be about a career choice? Why can't it be something else? Why can't "i want to be a wife" or "i want to be a mother" be an acceptable answer to the question? Looking back, I realize that what I was meant to be started early. I just missed it, or it was so much a part of me, that I couldn't see what it was.
As I was saying, eventually my answer changed. I told anyone who would listen that someday I was going to be a doctor and deliver babies. I was absolutely positive that this is what I was going to be when I grew up. Until I realized exactly what that entailed (of course I didn't realize this till I was about 12, but still - it was a rather rude awakening). Then I wanted to be a pediatrician. But I worried about having patients die and that sort of turned me away form that career path. I knew I wanted to do something in the medical field, I just didn't know what. I was super excited when I got chosen to be in a medical program my senior year in high school that allowed me to shadow local doctors and get a taste of the possible career choices. Unfortunately, I never really found anything I loved.
So instead I've spent my years in college pursuing a management degree and then business because I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I was never the one in school who had a plan all mapped out for my future. I envy the young men and women who attend school at the automotive college I work at because they know what they want to be and they have such a passion for what they are doing. I wish I felt the same way about something, anything. I envy most people who are so sure about what it is that they want to do.
Just recently I had an epiphany. Why does "what do you want to be when you grow up" have to be about a career choice? Why can't it be something else? Why can't "i want to be a wife" or "i want to be a mother" be an acceptable answer to the question? Looking back, I realize that what I was meant to be started early. I just missed it, or it was so much a part of me, that I couldn't see what it was.
I loved my barbie dolls growing up. But what I loved more than them were the Quint Dolls I received for Christmas one year. From then on, every play scenario involved Barbie and Ken with their 5 babies. I spent hours playing with my dolls. Pictures below are of the Quints house and the Quints by Tyco dolls.
After the barbies it was books. At that point my focused shifted slightly to anything and everything to do with twins. I would read anything and watch anything that had to do with twins. I was obsessed. My favorite books were the Sweet Valley series about twin sisters Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield. My junior year in high school I had to take a Research class. During the class we had to write 2 research papers. I knew I wanted to write something about twins, but it was difficult to find information that would make a compelling and informative research paper. So instead I wrote my first paper about Multiple Personality Disorder. For the second research paper I again wanted to do something dealing with twins, but knowing it wasn't content enough, I started to research the idea of multiple births. This research led me to how multiple births occur. And the basis of my research paper was born.
I know .. I was a weird kid in high school. But I was fascinated. I never knew the complexity of having a baby. I mean, you hear so many stories when you are a teenager about girls getting pregnant the first time they had sex - now I realize that while that is certainly true and does happen, those type of stories are more often told to young, hormonal teenagers to help scare them into either abstinence or practicing safe sex (seriously - I am not knocking this approach at all). You just assume that having a baby is easy and when you are ready, it will happen just like that. Too bad I know better than that now.
But I digress. One day, recently, I woke up and realized that more than anything in this entire world I wanted to be a mom. The one thing I have always been interested in and passionate about was babies. I feel like I should have realized this much sooner. Especially after one of my friends once said "I have never met anyone like you; who looks at having a baby the way you do". At first I thought she saw me this way because we have been through so much to have a baby and we are still going to have to go through so much more to get there so my perspective on having a baby would be different from other people, without our infertility issues, who want a baby. But really, I think it's because my desire to be a mom far outweighs a lot of other things in my life. I just hope that desire becomes fulfilled instead of a plan that is fraught with disappointment.
So .. final conclusion, I sit here proudly and proclaim: When I grow up I want to be ... a mom!
October 5, 2011
IVF Round 2.0
It's official, we will be doing the In Vitro again. I started birth control pills this past Sunday. Egg retrieval is scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving. This means in early November I will start the stimulation medication.
We are excited and nervous to be doing this again. I cannot decide if I am more nervous about the idea that we will get pregnant again and then miscarry, or that this time it will not work at all. A part of me is almost too afraid to try again, but I don't want my fear to cripple me. I just keep telling myself that if it's meant to be, it will happen. At first it was the financial aspect I was worried about, but thanks to the doctor agreeing to waive about $1500 in charges and then our IVF coordinator securing the majority of our needed meds from their stock of samples, we can afford to try again this year.
Now the only thing I am worried about is getting the time off of work. I worry that if the IVF works and we get pregnant again, that I will be a basket case. I know that I will worry about miscarrying again. I fear that stress played a major role in our first miscarriage and I worry that the stress from my job will cause a second miscarriage. I am currently working with my employer to determine which options are available to me for a leave of absence. I may have to end up taking a 30 day unpaid leave, but at this point I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my dreams of having a family come true.
Wish us luck and I will keep you posted as we get further into this journey in the coming weeks.
We are excited and nervous to be doing this again. I cannot decide if I am more nervous about the idea that we will get pregnant again and then miscarry, or that this time it will not work at all. A part of me is almost too afraid to try again, but I don't want my fear to cripple me. I just keep telling myself that if it's meant to be, it will happen. At first it was the financial aspect I was worried about, but thanks to the doctor agreeing to waive about $1500 in charges and then our IVF coordinator securing the majority of our needed meds from their stock of samples, we can afford to try again this year.
Now the only thing I am worried about is getting the time off of work. I worry that if the IVF works and we get pregnant again, that I will be a basket case. I know that I will worry about miscarrying again. I fear that stress played a major role in our first miscarriage and I worry that the stress from my job will cause a second miscarriage. I am currently working with my employer to determine which options are available to me for a leave of absence. I may have to end up taking a 30 day unpaid leave, but at this point I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my dreams of having a family come true.
Wish us luck and I will keep you posted as we get further into this journey in the coming weeks.
September 28, 2011
Guilt
I know it's silly, but I can't help feeling guilty about having infertility issues. And it's not that I feel guilty for myself, but for everyone else. I especially feel guilty for my husband. Yes, I get a little sad on Mother's Day and wish that I could be celebrating the day as a mother myself, but for me, Father's Day is the worst. I can't help but feel guilty that every Father's Day that rolls around my husband misses out. Maybe I feel this way because I know what an amazing father my husband is going to be. He's generally not a very patient man, but when he spends time with our nieces and nephews, you would never guess it. He has this ability to connect with kids on a personally childlike level (not saying in any way that my husband is a child - oh wait .. who am I kidding?). Steve is such an amazing man and has so many skills and strengths and personality to share with a child. He is a funny person and so very kind and gentle (you should see the way he babies our dogs). Every time I see him interact with a child I feel just a little twinge of sadness and guilt.
Steve deserves the opportunity to be a dad and I feel like my infertility issues are denying him that ability. And not once do I think, "well this is partially his fault too". While I'm glad that our problems are 50/50 (I feel this prevents us from every truly being resentful of one another) blaming him is just not there for me. I sometimes, in really bad moments, think maybe he would be better off with someone else, because then he might have the chance at being a dad. (Even though I know this probably would not be true). And maybe he feels the same way about me being a mother? I don't know, but maybe that's an interesting conversation to have with him. And how exactly should I start that conversation .. "so honey, how was your day?" .. "oh good, so by the way, do you feel guilty that you can't give me a baby?" I guess it goes without saying. Sigh.
However, I have refused to feel guilty about this miscarriage. That's not saying that a small part of me doesn't actually feel guilty, it's just that I refuse to dwell on it that way and blame myself for losing the baby. I know that being guilty and harboring those feelings will do nothing for me in recovering from the miscarriage. Plus, I know there wasn't anything I could have done differently or could have done to prevent the miscarriage. Unfortunately, it just is and I am not serving anyone by falling into the trap of feeling guilty.
So this is my goal - stop feeling guilty for the things that I cannot control.
Steve deserves the opportunity to be a dad and I feel like my infertility issues are denying him that ability. And not once do I think, "well this is partially his fault too". While I'm glad that our problems are 50/50 (I feel this prevents us from every truly being resentful of one another) blaming him is just not there for me. I sometimes, in really bad moments, think maybe he would be better off with someone else, because then he might have the chance at being a dad. (Even though I know this probably would not be true). And maybe he feels the same way about me being a mother? I don't know, but maybe that's an interesting conversation to have with him. And how exactly should I start that conversation .. "so honey, how was your day?" .. "oh good, so by the way, do you feel guilty that you can't give me a baby?" I guess it goes without saying. Sigh.
However, I have refused to feel guilty about this miscarriage. That's not saying that a small part of me doesn't actually feel guilty, it's just that I refuse to dwell on it that way and blame myself for losing the baby. I know that being guilty and harboring those feelings will do nothing for me in recovering from the miscarriage. Plus, I know there wasn't anything I could have done differently or could have done to prevent the miscarriage. Unfortunately, it just is and I am not serving anyone by falling into the trap of feeling guilty.
So this is my goal - stop feeling guilty for the things that I cannot control.
September 26, 2011
Miscarriage Sucks
Miscarriage sucks and for some reason today is an especially sad day for me. I don't know if I'm sad because I am reading a blog by the mother of a young girl who has cancer and in recognition of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month is posting a summary of each month of her daughters treatment for each day of the month. It's amazing and heartbreaking to read and I am only half way through the blog posts. If you are interested in reading, click this link. Or if I am sad today because one of my really good friends who lives far away in California, finally told me yesterday that she was pregnant with her first baby. I love her to death and I feel bad that she was so nervous about telling me and so concerned with my feelings that she waited until the third trimester to finally share her wonderful news. Or it could just be a sad kind of day. It's most likely just a sad day brought on by the fact that Steve leaves tonight for his two week rotation.
Anyways ... miscarriage sucks. I was so thrilled the day I took that pregnancy test and got a positive. That's the first time I have ever seen a positive test and I have taken my fair share of pregnancy tests. I know that I was only pregnant for a few weeks, but it was amazing. The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the best days of my life. If you are a mom or have ever been pregnant, you will know what I mean when I say I immediately began planning the future. I imagined pregnancy and having a big belly. I imagined holding my newborn baby in my arms. And when I lost the baby, not only did I grieve the pregnancy, but I grieved all of the lost opportunities. I grieved that I would never hold this baby in my arms, that I would never hear this baby's first words and see his/her first steps or celebrate the first day of school. I grieved all of the thoughts, ideas, and events I had already begun to think about and look forward to. This baby was so wanted and there are times when I simply question "why".
But I try not to think too much about the "why". I'm not normally that kind of person. Even with all of the fertility treatments and all of the other challenges we have faced, I have tried not to think "why me". I try to tell myself that God really does have a plan for all of us. And I am very much a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I also know it's pointless to question the reasoning. If I am completely honest, there are definitely days when I think it's not fair that there are people in the world who have kids and don't cherish them and treat them well when there are so many wonderful couples who would make great parents who cannot have children. It seems like such a messed up world, but I refuse to focus on that. Life is hard enough sometimes without punishing myself with those types of thoughts and feelings.
There are two things that I am having a hard time with after this miscarriage. The first is that when I go to any doctor from now on there is always paperwork that has to be filled out. One of the questions on this paperwork asks how many pregnancy's you have had and how many live births. I will always have to say 1 pregnancy and 0 births. That really really gets to me. The other issue is that I worry about our baby being in heaven without a name. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but I hate the idea of it.
Each day is a new adventure. For the most part I am beginning to feel more and more like myself, but there are still days and periods where I have extreme sadness. I know that I will never forget this baby and how much the pregnancy meant to me. I know that I will be sad, but I think it will get better.
Anyways ... miscarriage sucks. I was so thrilled the day I took that pregnancy test and got a positive. That's the first time I have ever seen a positive test and I have taken my fair share of pregnancy tests. I know that I was only pregnant for a few weeks, but it was amazing. The day I found out I was pregnant was one of the best days of my life. If you are a mom or have ever been pregnant, you will know what I mean when I say I immediately began planning the future. I imagined pregnancy and having a big belly. I imagined holding my newborn baby in my arms. And when I lost the baby, not only did I grieve the pregnancy, but I grieved all of the lost opportunities. I grieved that I would never hold this baby in my arms, that I would never hear this baby's first words and see his/her first steps or celebrate the first day of school. I grieved all of the thoughts, ideas, and events I had already begun to think about and look forward to. This baby was so wanted and there are times when I simply question "why".
But I try not to think too much about the "why". I'm not normally that kind of person. Even with all of the fertility treatments and all of the other challenges we have faced, I have tried not to think "why me". I try to tell myself that God really does have a plan for all of us. And I am very much a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I also know it's pointless to question the reasoning. If I am completely honest, there are definitely days when I think it's not fair that there are people in the world who have kids and don't cherish them and treat them well when there are so many wonderful couples who would make great parents who cannot have children. It seems like such a messed up world, but I refuse to focus on that. Life is hard enough sometimes without punishing myself with those types of thoughts and feelings.
There are two things that I am having a hard time with after this miscarriage. The first is that when I go to any doctor from now on there is always paperwork that has to be filled out. One of the questions on this paperwork asks how many pregnancy's you have had and how many live births. I will always have to say 1 pregnancy and 0 births. That really really gets to me. The other issue is that I worry about our baby being in heaven without a name. I don't know why that bothers me so much, but I hate the idea of it.
Each day is a new adventure. For the most part I am beginning to feel more and more like myself, but there are still days and periods where I have extreme sadness. I know that I will never forget this baby and how much the pregnancy meant to me. I know that I will be sad, but I think it will get better.
September 25, 2011
IVF Journey
In May 2011 we finally decided that we were tired of waiting to get pregnant and tired of fertility treatments. The Clomid medication was making me feel like a crazy person and with my 30th birthday and Steve's 35th looming on the horizon, we decided that it was now or never to do the IVF. Luckily we had some money saved and decided to take a loan from each of our 401k plans to cover the cost of the IVF.
IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, is a very complex process. Every doctor and every clinic do things just a little bit differently. The process my clinic uses is starting your cycle on birth control pills. One option is to add a medication call Lupron, which is a suppressor, to the time you are on the pills. Once you stop the birth control pills you continue the lupron and start an FSH hormone. The objective of the FSH medication is to stimulate the ovaries and allow multiple follicles to emerge. During this time you are monitored through blood work and ultrasound every couple of days. Sometimes another medication, LH is added to the mix. LH is lutenizing hormone that helps improve the quality of the eggs that are being produced. At some point the lupron is stopped and when bloodwork and ultrasound confirm it, it's time to ovulate and have the eggs retrieved for fertilization. About 48 hours prior to egg retrieval you discontinue all medications and at 36 hours prior give yourself a trigger shot (usually a medication called Ovidrel). This medication causes ovulation so that egg retrieval can be done. Egg retrieval is the process of being sedated and the doctor, using ultrasound guidance, aspirates each of the mature follicles. From there the eggs are fertilized, either naturally or with a procedure called ICSI (this is the process of injecting each egg with an individual sperm). The eggs are then checked for fertilization and then for embryo development. Clinics generally do an embryo transfer at either 3 days or 5 days post fertilization. The theory on a 3 days transfer (at least at my clinic) is if the embryos do not appear to be developing well, that they are better off inside the body than out. A 5 day transfer is preferred because it provides the best of the best embryos and often gives the embryos an opportunity to show survival of the fittest. Finally, a blood test, or beta, is given anywhere from 13 to 16 days after egg retrieval. (This is of course by no means a scientific or complete explanation of the IVF process, it is just the best explanation that I can provide based on the information and experience I have had with the IVF process).
So, we decided to do our egg retrieval the week of July 24th. Because of a world wide shortage of lupron, my RE decided that instead of doing the lupron, we would instead use Ganirelix. The difference between these two drugs is the timing of when you start taking the shots. Instead of taking the Ganirelix prior to starting the FSH drugs, we would start the Ganirelix a few days after starting the FSH, which we used Follistim. Eventually the doctor also added Luveris, an LH med, to improve the quality of my eggs. Everything went well with our medication and follicle development and on Tuesday July 26 we had our egg retrieval. Steve was out of town for work, so luckily we had a frozen sample in storage that we were able to use because he couldn't provide a fresh sample. We had 10 eggs retrieved and 7 of those fertilized. The doctors decided to do a 5 day transfer on Sunday July 31st. Of the 7 embryos, we had 1 that was at a blastocyst stage, 2 that had degenerated, and 4 that were still in morula stage. Because we had one really good embryo, we only implanted that one. We were told that we would receive a call the next day letting us know if any of the remaining 4 embryos were able to freeze. We were hoping to have frozen embryos as a back up plan in case the IVF didn't work or to have for a second child in the future if it did work. But alas, none of our embryos made it to freezing so all of our hopes and dreams were pinned on the one embryo we put back. Our first beta was scheduled for Monday August 8th.
Sunday August 7th I took a home pregnancy test and got what appeared to be a very faint positive. The test was an EPT and after getting several opinions I decided I needed to take another test to be sure. I had several pregnancy tests in my bathroom drawer left from previous purchases of ovulation predictor kits (it's cute that they give you a free pregnancy test with the purchase of the OPK's, it makes me think that even the company is rooting for your success). Luckily, the tests I had in the drawer were digital tests. I was thrilled because this would give me a definite answer, the result would literally say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". I took the test and the result was "pregnant"!!! I was thrilled and immediately started spreading the news to our friends and family. I knew there was no way around sharing because everyone knew we were doing the IVF and would be anxious to hear the results. The next morning I went for blood work and the pregnancy was confirmed. My beta was a 40. This number is a little low, but I was only 8 days post a 5 day transfer and at this point, anything over a 5 is considered pregnant. A repeat beta was scheduled for Weds Aug 10. The reason they check your levels again so soon is because your HCG levels should at least double every 48 to 72 hours. The second beta came back at 60. This was definitely concerning because the numbers hadn't doubled, but they had risen, so there was hope. The doctor decided that we needed to wait 6 days before repeating the blood test again. After researching, I found that the most likely reason for this was if we had a chemical pregnancy, the numbers would be back to less than 5 by then end of the 6 days. But when I went back for the blood work on Tuesday August 16, my beta was 985. The nurse and doctor were thrilled and they scheduled our first ultrasound from Monday August 22.
At this point I was having some pregnancy symptoms. I was queasy a lot, pretty much all day and was mostly eating bland, soft foods - yogurt, bananas, mashed potatoes. I was also finding myself craving chicken. I am normally a person who eats chicken and red meat pretty evenly. But for some reason, all I wanted to eat was chicken. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. It sort of shocked me that I could have cravings so early. I was also really nervous about the queasiness. I figured if I was already experiencing it, the chances were pretty good that I would experience some pretty heavy morning sickness as the pregnancy progressed. I was also pretty nervous about the pregnancy itself. I felt like I would feel better once we saw a heartbeat and was anxiously counting the days to that particular goal.
Friday August 19th, at 5 weeks and 3 days, I was at work and felt this weird gush sensation. I sat down, put my hand between my legs on the outside of my pants and had blood on my fingers. I ran to the bathroom and had a lot of blood in the toilet. I immediately went home, calling my husband on the way to let him know what was going on. I figured that we would be going to the ER because I was having a miscarriage. I also called the RE's office to see what they thought I should do. While I was waiting for them to call me back, I arrived home and noticed that the bleeding had significantly slowed down. I was still having bleeding and some clotting and mild cramping, but no more gushing. The RE's office said it sounded like a subchorionic hemorrhage, a complication that is common in early pregnancy and is caused by implantation. Basically what happens is that there is a hematoma that develops in the uterus, but outside of the gestational sac. The nurse told me that as long as I wasn't having severe pain or filling a pad in an hours time, that I should be ok. But if it was worse or I felt that there was something wrong, I could call them or go immediately to the ER. Because the bleeding slowed down every hour as did the cramping, we decided that things must be ok. By morning the bleeding had completely stopped.
Monday August 22nd we went to our ultrasound appointment as scheduled. The tech gave us a due date of April 17th and said we should be 5 weeks and 6 days along. She told me that usually they cannot see a baby until at least 6 week, but since we were so close we might see the baby. However, she said we were looking for a gestational sac and yolk sac. She asked us to give her a few minutes to look around and then she would show us what she saw. After several minutes she turned the screen towards us and showed us where the cervix was and where the top of the uterus was and explained that there was nothing there. She said that we most likely lost the baby during the bleeding that happened on Friday. She said she needed to check my tubes to make sure there wasn't an ectopic pregnancy and that after that we would see the doctor.
After blood work and a meeting with the doctor, we had to wait an hour for the results of the blood work. They were again checking my hcg and the results of that would determine our options. Luckily, my beta was 221 which made the doctor feel pretty confident we had had a natural miscarriage and would not need to have a d&c or take medication to eliminate an ectopic pregnancy. I had to go back to the clinic the following week to have my blood taken again, beta was 8.5, so had to go back again the following Monday. Finally on Labor Day, Monday September 5, my beta was less than 2.5 so they determined that the miscarriage was complete and I was cleared from having to have any additional follow up care. And sadly, our very much wanted pregnancy was completely over.
It only seems fitting that the next post will be titled "Miscarriage sucks". So stay tuned.
IVF, In Vitro Fertilization, is a very complex process. Every doctor and every clinic do things just a little bit differently. The process my clinic uses is starting your cycle on birth control pills. One option is to add a medication call Lupron, which is a suppressor, to the time you are on the pills. Once you stop the birth control pills you continue the lupron and start an FSH hormone. The objective of the FSH medication is to stimulate the ovaries and allow multiple follicles to emerge. During this time you are monitored through blood work and ultrasound every couple of days. Sometimes another medication, LH is added to the mix. LH is lutenizing hormone that helps improve the quality of the eggs that are being produced. At some point the lupron is stopped and when bloodwork and ultrasound confirm it, it's time to ovulate and have the eggs retrieved for fertilization. About 48 hours prior to egg retrieval you discontinue all medications and at 36 hours prior give yourself a trigger shot (usually a medication called Ovidrel). This medication causes ovulation so that egg retrieval can be done. Egg retrieval is the process of being sedated and the doctor, using ultrasound guidance, aspirates each of the mature follicles. From there the eggs are fertilized, either naturally or with a procedure called ICSI (this is the process of injecting each egg with an individual sperm). The eggs are then checked for fertilization and then for embryo development. Clinics generally do an embryo transfer at either 3 days or 5 days post fertilization. The theory on a 3 days transfer (at least at my clinic) is if the embryos do not appear to be developing well, that they are better off inside the body than out. A 5 day transfer is preferred because it provides the best of the best embryos and often gives the embryos an opportunity to show survival of the fittest. Finally, a blood test, or beta, is given anywhere from 13 to 16 days after egg retrieval. (This is of course by no means a scientific or complete explanation of the IVF process, it is just the best explanation that I can provide based on the information and experience I have had with the IVF process).
So, we decided to do our egg retrieval the week of July 24th. Because of a world wide shortage of lupron, my RE decided that instead of doing the lupron, we would instead use Ganirelix. The difference between these two drugs is the timing of when you start taking the shots. Instead of taking the Ganirelix prior to starting the FSH drugs, we would start the Ganirelix a few days after starting the FSH, which we used Follistim. Eventually the doctor also added Luveris, an LH med, to improve the quality of my eggs. Everything went well with our medication and follicle development and on Tuesday July 26 we had our egg retrieval. Steve was out of town for work, so luckily we had a frozen sample in storage that we were able to use because he couldn't provide a fresh sample. We had 10 eggs retrieved and 7 of those fertilized. The doctors decided to do a 5 day transfer on Sunday July 31st. Of the 7 embryos, we had 1 that was at a blastocyst stage, 2 that had degenerated, and 4 that were still in morula stage. Because we had one really good embryo, we only implanted that one. We were told that we would receive a call the next day letting us know if any of the remaining 4 embryos were able to freeze. We were hoping to have frozen embryos as a back up plan in case the IVF didn't work or to have for a second child in the future if it did work. But alas, none of our embryos made it to freezing so all of our hopes and dreams were pinned on the one embryo we put back. Our first beta was scheduled for Monday August 8th.
Sunday August 7th I took a home pregnancy test and got what appeared to be a very faint positive. The test was an EPT and after getting several opinions I decided I needed to take another test to be sure. I had several pregnancy tests in my bathroom drawer left from previous purchases of ovulation predictor kits (it's cute that they give you a free pregnancy test with the purchase of the OPK's, it makes me think that even the company is rooting for your success). Luckily, the tests I had in the drawer were digital tests. I was thrilled because this would give me a definite answer, the result would literally say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". I took the test and the result was "pregnant"!!! I was thrilled and immediately started spreading the news to our friends and family. I knew there was no way around sharing because everyone knew we were doing the IVF and would be anxious to hear the results. The next morning I went for blood work and the pregnancy was confirmed. My beta was a 40. This number is a little low, but I was only 8 days post a 5 day transfer and at this point, anything over a 5 is considered pregnant. A repeat beta was scheduled for Weds Aug 10. The reason they check your levels again so soon is because your HCG levels should at least double every 48 to 72 hours. The second beta came back at 60. This was definitely concerning because the numbers hadn't doubled, but they had risen, so there was hope. The doctor decided that we needed to wait 6 days before repeating the blood test again. After researching, I found that the most likely reason for this was if we had a chemical pregnancy, the numbers would be back to less than 5 by then end of the 6 days. But when I went back for the blood work on Tuesday August 16, my beta was 985. The nurse and doctor were thrilled and they scheduled our first ultrasound from Monday August 22.
At this point I was having some pregnancy symptoms. I was queasy a lot, pretty much all day and was mostly eating bland, soft foods - yogurt, bananas, mashed potatoes. I was also finding myself craving chicken. I am normally a person who eats chicken and red meat pretty evenly. But for some reason, all I wanted to eat was chicken. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner. It sort of shocked me that I could have cravings so early. I was also really nervous about the queasiness. I figured if I was already experiencing it, the chances were pretty good that I would experience some pretty heavy morning sickness as the pregnancy progressed. I was also pretty nervous about the pregnancy itself. I felt like I would feel better once we saw a heartbeat and was anxiously counting the days to that particular goal.
Friday August 19th, at 5 weeks and 3 days, I was at work and felt this weird gush sensation. I sat down, put my hand between my legs on the outside of my pants and had blood on my fingers. I ran to the bathroom and had a lot of blood in the toilet. I immediately went home, calling my husband on the way to let him know what was going on. I figured that we would be going to the ER because I was having a miscarriage. I also called the RE's office to see what they thought I should do. While I was waiting for them to call me back, I arrived home and noticed that the bleeding had significantly slowed down. I was still having bleeding and some clotting and mild cramping, but no more gushing. The RE's office said it sounded like a subchorionic hemorrhage, a complication that is common in early pregnancy and is caused by implantation. Basically what happens is that there is a hematoma that develops in the uterus, but outside of the gestational sac. The nurse told me that as long as I wasn't having severe pain or filling a pad in an hours time, that I should be ok. But if it was worse or I felt that there was something wrong, I could call them or go immediately to the ER. Because the bleeding slowed down every hour as did the cramping, we decided that things must be ok. By morning the bleeding had completely stopped.
Monday August 22nd we went to our ultrasound appointment as scheduled. The tech gave us a due date of April 17th and said we should be 5 weeks and 6 days along. She told me that usually they cannot see a baby until at least 6 week, but since we were so close we might see the baby. However, she said we were looking for a gestational sac and yolk sac. She asked us to give her a few minutes to look around and then she would show us what she saw. After several minutes she turned the screen towards us and showed us where the cervix was and where the top of the uterus was and explained that there was nothing there. She said that we most likely lost the baby during the bleeding that happened on Friday. She said she needed to check my tubes to make sure there wasn't an ectopic pregnancy and that after that we would see the doctor.
After blood work and a meeting with the doctor, we had to wait an hour for the results of the blood work. They were again checking my hcg and the results of that would determine our options. Luckily, my beta was 221 which made the doctor feel pretty confident we had had a natural miscarriage and would not need to have a d&c or take medication to eliminate an ectopic pregnancy. I had to go back to the clinic the following week to have my blood taken again, beta was 8.5, so had to go back again the following Monday. Finally on Labor Day, Monday September 5, my beta was less than 2.5 so they determined that the miscarriage was complete and I was cleared from having to have any additional follow up care. And sadly, our very much wanted pregnancy was completely over.
It only seems fitting that the next post will be titled "Miscarriage sucks". So stay tuned.
September 18, 2011
Infertility Sucks!
Like the title says, Infertility sucks. One of the worst things in this world is to feel like your body has betrayed you. As a woman, I know that my body has the ability to create, carry, and deliver a baby. As a woman, it's my right and privilege to bear children, yet my body has decided to boycott. It's gone on strike and refuses to be a party to my wants. I know that I have as little control over this as I do over the temperature outside, but for someone like me who is a perfectionist and tries to be great or succeed at every endeavor that I undertake, the idea of not being able to have a baby is somewhat devastating.
Steve and I have tried to have a baby for over eight years and it's been a fruitless endeavor. When we were told by the clinic at Magee's that IVF was pretty much our only option, we knew then that we would have to put our dreams of a family on hold for awhile. We simply lacked the financial ability to put make our dreams a reality. But after a year or more of waiting, we decided that we needed to have a second opinion. Right around the time we decided we wanted a second opinion, the doctor who pioneered the technology for IVF, Robert Edwards, was being given the Nobel Prize. As a result of the Nobel prize, the local paper did an article about the clinics in the area. They focused on the success rates of three of the area clinics. This article is what lead us to choose our new clinic, Reproductive Health Specialists in Penn Hills, PA.
There are several reasons I was drawn to RHS. One, the drive to the clinic was much shorter than the one I had been driving to Magee's. When I was going to the clinic at Magee's, I would have to get up between 4:30 and 5:00 am in the morning to be in Pittsburgh for a 6:30 appointment. I needed to leave the house no later than 5:40 am in order to avoid rush hour traffic going into the city. I would be at my appointment for up to half an hour (an appointment usually consisted of blood work and then an ultrasound). I would leave the city around 7:00 am and make it to work by 8:00 am. I would work my normal shift of 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, make the half hour drive home and usually get up the next morning or the day after that and do it all again. It's an exhausting process. So the fact that I could avoid rush hour traffic and shorten my drive time was a major positive. The second reason I was excited about our change in clinics is that the doctors in the office were female. I just feel that much more of a connection with a female doctor than a male doctor. And as it turns out, the only male who appears to work there is the embryologist. Or at least that's the only male I've ever come in contact with at the clinic. And the third reason was their success rates. In 2007 RHS's IVF success rate was around 60% compared to 45-50% for the clinic at Magee's.
We went for our initial consult with RHS in October 2010. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that the doctor didn't want us to jump into IVF right away. She felt that because we had never been monitored on the Clomid previously, that we should try a few cycles of Clomid and IUI. The first 3 cycles we weren't able to do the IUI's because of Steve's work schedule, but I was able to visit him and we tried on our own. In Febuary and March we were able to do the Clomid and IUI, but both cycles were unsuccessful. Finally we decided that IVF was the way to go and in May 2011 we began our IVF journey.
Steve and I have tried to have a baby for over eight years and it's been a fruitless endeavor. When we were told by the clinic at Magee's that IVF was pretty much our only option, we knew then that we would have to put our dreams of a family on hold for awhile. We simply lacked the financial ability to put make our dreams a reality. But after a year or more of waiting, we decided that we needed to have a second opinion. Right around the time we decided we wanted a second opinion, the doctor who pioneered the technology for IVF, Robert Edwards, was being given the Nobel Prize. As a result of the Nobel prize, the local paper did an article about the clinics in the area. They focused on the success rates of three of the area clinics. This article is what lead us to choose our new clinic, Reproductive Health Specialists in Penn Hills, PA.
There are several reasons I was drawn to RHS. One, the drive to the clinic was much shorter than the one I had been driving to Magee's. When I was going to the clinic at Magee's, I would have to get up between 4:30 and 5:00 am in the morning to be in Pittsburgh for a 6:30 appointment. I needed to leave the house no later than 5:40 am in order to avoid rush hour traffic going into the city. I would be at my appointment for up to half an hour (an appointment usually consisted of blood work and then an ultrasound). I would leave the city around 7:00 am and make it to work by 8:00 am. I would work my normal shift of 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, make the half hour drive home and usually get up the next morning or the day after that and do it all again. It's an exhausting process. So the fact that I could avoid rush hour traffic and shorten my drive time was a major positive. The second reason I was excited about our change in clinics is that the doctors in the office were female. I just feel that much more of a connection with a female doctor than a male doctor. And as it turns out, the only male who appears to work there is the embryologist. Or at least that's the only male I've ever come in contact with at the clinic. And the third reason was their success rates. In 2007 RHS's IVF success rate was around 60% compared to 45-50% for the clinic at Magee's.
We went for our initial consult with RHS in October 2010. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that the doctor didn't want us to jump into IVF right away. She felt that because we had never been monitored on the Clomid previously, that we should try a few cycles of Clomid and IUI. The first 3 cycles we weren't able to do the IUI's because of Steve's work schedule, but I was able to visit him and we tried on our own. In Febuary and March we were able to do the Clomid and IUI, but both cycles were unsuccessful. Finally we decided that IVF was the way to go and in May 2011 we began our IVF journey.
September 17, 2011
Oh the joys of infertility ...
As I start this post, I am leaving it untitled. I am just not sure of the exact direction it will be taking. I know that I want to talk about some of the things happening in my life right now, but I can't do that until I have given some background information about my life and how we got to the point that we are at. I think this post will be titled something like "Infertility Sucks" .. lol. So if that gives you a clue, this post will be about the beginning of our infertility journey.
Steve and I were married over 8 years ago and when we got married we decided that we were okay with having a baby. We weren't exactly trying, but we weren't trying to prevent pregnancy either. Needless to say, it didn't happen. After about a year we started paying attention to my cycles - this included taking my temperature every morning and trying to determine when I was ovulating. After about a year of this we figured out that I did not have a regular cycle. We waited almost two full years before going to the doctor because we wanted to be taken seriously, that and we didn't have health insurance.
The first doctor we saw gave us a prescription for Clomid and instructions on which days to try on. He didn't do any type of testing and just told us that sometimes it takes a little bit of time. We tried this for a few months and when we didn't have any success, we stopped trying for awhile. The next year we saw a different doctor - ahh the beauty of having decent health insurance. She finally did some testing and diagnosed me with having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (also known as PCOS). She said that the problem we seemed to be having was that I was not ovulating on my own. She also put us on Clomid and we tried again for another 6 months. After the six months we again took a break from trying and finally decided that after 4 years of trying, we probably needed to see a specialist.
I was nervous, but I actually had a little bit of knowledge about fertility treatments and what the process would most likely be. In my high school you are required to take a semester long research class. During the class you have to write two research papers. The year I wrote my research papers, the McCaughey Septuplets had been born and I was majorly intrigued. It amazed me how a woman could become pregnant with so many babies (even then I must have been baby crazy ... lol). During the course of my research I learned about Assisted Reproductive Technology and how doctors could help women like me have babies. So I felt a little bit more prepared when I realized that we were going to have to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (a doctor who specializes in infertility).
Four years ago our infertility journey started at Magee Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh at the Center for Infertility and Reproductive Endocrinology. I was initially seen by Dr. Erb who confirmed my diagnosis of PCOS and prescribed Metformin. But I still needed to undergo an entire battery of tests to determine the full extent of my infertility issues. She also decided that it was time for Steve to have some testing. So over the course of a few months I had Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done to determine if my fallopian tubes were clear (this is done by having dye pushed through the uterus and out the fallopian tubes while under a form of xray monitoring). I also had a Sonohysterogram conducted where the doctor puts saline in the uterus and using ultrasound, determines if there are any fibroids or other issues inside the uterus. All of my testing came back normal, other than not having natural ovulation. Steve's test came back as less than stellar. He had great counts, but motility and morphology were lower.
We officially had an infertility diagnosis of PCOS and Male Factor. Now we had a starting point and could create a plan of action to overcome our problems. Our testing took several months, but by October of that year we were ready to start our first set of fertility treatments. Because I had taken Clomid several times in the past, our doctors felt that it would be beneficial to start immediately with injectible medications. The plan was I would start with injections of follistim (a follicle stimulating hormone) and be monitored by bloodwork and ultrasound every other day. Once it was verified that I had follicles that were mature, I would take a trigger shot and 48 hours later, we would do an IUI (intrauterine insemination). Now, when I say that I had to take follistim and a trigger shot, that means I gave myself an injection, daily, just below my belly button. I never thought that was something I would be able to do, but it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Over the course of six months, we did three IUI's all of which were unsuccessful. We were told that in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was going to be our best option for achieving a pregnancy.
Unfortunately, IVF costs a lot of money. And while the IUI's we had done were covered by my insurance, the medication was not. The follistim I took cost almost $2000 a cycle. In addition, neither my insurance nor Steve's covered any portion of IVF. So for us, at that point in time - two and a half years ago, we didn't have the money or the means to move forward with IVF and decided that we didn't want to spend the money on medications to continue doing the IUI's. Unfortunately, it appeared that our infertility journey had just come to an end. But in reality, it was only postponed for a few years ...
(to be continued)
Steve and I were married over 8 years ago and when we got married we decided that we were okay with having a baby. We weren't exactly trying, but we weren't trying to prevent pregnancy either. Needless to say, it didn't happen. After about a year we started paying attention to my cycles - this included taking my temperature every morning and trying to determine when I was ovulating. After about a year of this we figured out that I did not have a regular cycle. We waited almost two full years before going to the doctor because we wanted to be taken seriously, that and we didn't have health insurance.
The first doctor we saw gave us a prescription for Clomid and instructions on which days to try on. He didn't do any type of testing and just told us that sometimes it takes a little bit of time. We tried this for a few months and when we didn't have any success, we stopped trying for awhile. The next year we saw a different doctor - ahh the beauty of having decent health insurance. She finally did some testing and diagnosed me with having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (also known as PCOS). She said that the problem we seemed to be having was that I was not ovulating on my own. She also put us on Clomid and we tried again for another 6 months. After the six months we again took a break from trying and finally decided that after 4 years of trying, we probably needed to see a specialist.
I was nervous, but I actually had a little bit of knowledge about fertility treatments and what the process would most likely be. In my high school you are required to take a semester long research class. During the class you have to write two research papers. The year I wrote my research papers, the McCaughey Septuplets had been born and I was majorly intrigued. It amazed me how a woman could become pregnant with so many babies (even then I must have been baby crazy ... lol). During the course of my research I learned about Assisted Reproductive Technology and how doctors could help women like me have babies. So I felt a little bit more prepared when I realized that we were going to have to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist (a doctor who specializes in infertility).
Four years ago our infertility journey started at Magee Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh at the Center for Infertility and Reproductive Endocrinology. I was initially seen by Dr. Erb who confirmed my diagnosis of PCOS and prescribed Metformin. But I still needed to undergo an entire battery of tests to determine the full extent of my infertility issues. She also decided that it was time for Steve to have some testing. So over the course of a few months I had Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) done to determine if my fallopian tubes were clear (this is done by having dye pushed through the uterus and out the fallopian tubes while under a form of xray monitoring). I also had a Sonohysterogram conducted where the doctor puts saline in the uterus and using ultrasound, determines if there are any fibroids or other issues inside the uterus. All of my testing came back normal, other than not having natural ovulation. Steve's test came back as less than stellar. He had great counts, but motility and morphology were lower.
We officially had an infertility diagnosis of PCOS and Male Factor. Now we had a starting point and could create a plan of action to overcome our problems. Our testing took several months, but by October of that year we were ready to start our first set of fertility treatments. Because I had taken Clomid several times in the past, our doctors felt that it would be beneficial to start immediately with injectible medications. The plan was I would start with injections of follistim (a follicle stimulating hormone) and be monitored by bloodwork and ultrasound every other day. Once it was verified that I had follicles that were mature, I would take a trigger shot and 48 hours later, we would do an IUI (intrauterine insemination). Now, when I say that I had to take follistim and a trigger shot, that means I gave myself an injection, daily, just below my belly button. I never thought that was something I would be able to do, but it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Over the course of six months, we did three IUI's all of which were unsuccessful. We were told that in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was going to be our best option for achieving a pregnancy.
Unfortunately, IVF costs a lot of money. And while the IUI's we had done were covered by my insurance, the medication was not. The follistim I took cost almost $2000 a cycle. In addition, neither my insurance nor Steve's covered any portion of IVF. So for us, at that point in time - two and a half years ago, we didn't have the money or the means to move forward with IVF and decided that we didn't want to spend the money on medications to continue doing the IUI's. Unfortunately, it appeared that our infertility journey had just come to an end. But in reality, it was only postponed for a few years ...
(to be continued)
September 15, 2011
About Me .. or Us
My name is Mandy and at this point I am 29 years old, edging closer to 30 every day (what a scary prospect that is for me). I have been married to an amazing man named Steve for the past eight years. I have a bachelor's degree in Management with an emphasis in Healthcare and am currently pursuing an MBA with an emphasis in Marketing. I have three classes left and I will graduate in May of 2012. Currently I am working at a local automotive technical college as a Financial Services Representative. Basically I help student's get their financial aid in place so that they can attend school. It's a very stressful job at times because we have six starts a year and our students go to school year round. So if you know anything about financial aid, April to October is our busiest, most stressful time. I like my job for the most part, but it definitely has its days. I look forward to the time I can finally leave my job and move on, whether that's to be a mommy or to get another job once I get my masters degree.
Steve, who will be 35 on halloween, works as a Supervisor on a Fraq Acid crew that does Marcellus Shale gas wells. He travels a lot for work. In fact, he works out of town for two weeks at a time and is home on days off for a week between rotations. Sometimes, like this week, he gets to work out of the local camp and gets to be home every night with me. Those are the weeks I love and I hate .. lol. I love that he is home with me and that we get to have dinner together every night and that we get to sleep in the same bed. But after him being away for two weeks at a time, it's an adjustment to have him home with me on a regular basis. But I am grateful to get the time with him, so I really try not to complain when he is home for longer than normal.
We have a lot of fun together. I am a planner and a perfectionist and often take life a little too seriously. He is much more laid back, easy going, and very funny. He never fails to make me laugh, even when I really just want to be mad at him. He understands me better than I understand myself sometimes. I know that it sounds cliche, but he really is my best friend. I like to think of us as being like Yin and Yang. I was raised in a family with mostly boys. My younger sister and I are the only girls in our family and we have two older brothers. All of our cousins are boys and our family spent three to four days a week with our cousins and aunts and uncles at my grandparents home. Growing up I was very much a tom boy and preferred the boys toys over my own, at least in the beginning. Steve however, grew up with four sisters. So he got to deal with trying to be a rambunctious, rowdy little boy surrounded by frilliness and dolls and other typical little girl toys (I am sure there will be at least one future blog post about the escapades of Steve as a little boy). But anyways, this is why I think we "get" each other.
Steve, who will be 35 on halloween, works as a Supervisor on a Fraq Acid crew that does Marcellus Shale gas wells. He travels a lot for work. In fact, he works out of town for two weeks at a time and is home on days off for a week between rotations. Sometimes, like this week, he gets to work out of the local camp and gets to be home every night with me. Those are the weeks I love and I hate .. lol. I love that he is home with me and that we get to have dinner together every night and that we get to sleep in the same bed. But after him being away for two weeks at a time, it's an adjustment to have him home with me on a regular basis. But I am grateful to get the time with him, so I really try not to complain when he is home for longer than normal.
We have a lot of fun together. I am a planner and a perfectionist and often take life a little too seriously. He is much more laid back, easy going, and very funny. He never fails to make me laugh, even when I really just want to be mad at him. He understands me better than I understand myself sometimes. I know that it sounds cliche, but he really is my best friend. I like to think of us as being like Yin and Yang. I was raised in a family with mostly boys. My younger sister and I are the only girls in our family and we have two older brothers. All of our cousins are boys and our family spent three to four days a week with our cousins and aunts and uncles at my grandparents home. Growing up I was very much a tom boy and preferred the boys toys over my own, at least in the beginning. Steve however, grew up with four sisters. So he got to deal with trying to be a rambunctious, rowdy little boy surrounded by frilliness and dolls and other typical little girl toys (I am sure there will be at least one future blog post about the escapades of Steve as a little boy). But anyways, this is why I think we "get" each other.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)