Blah

Today I am feeling very blah.  I do not know if it is holiday blues, weather blues, Steve being away blues or just general blues. Regardless, I am feeling blue. And yes .. this is a whiny post .. so stop now if you really don't want to hear it.

Here are the many things going on that make me feel blue right now:

• I am sick and tired of being cooped up in the house between my bedroom and the kitchen. 
• I am having a hard time looking at the destruction in the hallway and the mess that is still in the living room. 
• I am sad because I will not be able to decorate for Christmas this year
• My younger sister just announced that she is having another baby (there are a lot of issues here and this is an extremely emotional and upsetting thing for me.)
• My older brother and his future wife are having a baby (they are due about 3 weeks after I was).
• My husband is away and won't be home for another 4 days.  He was home longer than normal this time which makes his leaving more difficult. 
• The weather has been wet and rainy here and now we are seeing snow - yuck!! 
• We are starting to have major changes here at work and if you can't tell by now, I don't really do well with change.  
• I am worried about starting the IVF again next month.
• I feel a little lost right now and am not sure where I belong in life.
• I feel lonely and alone sometimes.

And then as I read over this list, I realize that my life could be much worse.  I have a good job, a great family, friends who are usually there when I call, a home that I own, a wonderful amazing man who works really really hard at his job and a life that is filled with promise and many good things to come.  I realize that I have a good life.  I am still a little sad, but I am healthy, I am whole, I am a good person, and I have many things in my life to be grateful for.

I think sometimes it takes putting all your sadness down on paper (or computer) to truly see how amazing your life really is and how your small sadnesses, while not unimportant, just aren't that bad.  Life could be a lot more difficult for me and there are a lot of people out there who would love to have the life I do. So here I go, pulling up my boot straps and getting on with it. 

Thanks for letting me have my moment of sadness and self pity.  Now back to reality.