I thought for sure the title of this post was going to be "6 weeks 1 day and it's over". Why? Because over the past week I have had 2 more days of bleeding like I did the night before the ultrasound. At first I didn't get super concerned because I knew as long as the bleeding wasn't red or heavy, that things were find. But the 3 day of bleed was accompanied by cramps which is what spurred me to call the doctor. I heard back from the nurse yesterday afternoon and she again assured me that things were fine.
So feeling reassured, I continue on with my day. Shortly before I was finished with work I feel this weird discharge down there. And it's a little warm. Not a gush like last pregnancy, but sort of how you feel when you know your period has started. I go to the bathroom and sure enough, there's blood and it's bright red. There are a few little clots but nothing major. I leave work knowing that all I can do is wait and see what happens. I drive the half hour home and by the time I get there, the bleeding is almost gone. So i figure that everything is going to be fine. Until I go to the bathroom again and the bleeding is heavier and there is a huge blood clot in the toilet. At this point I am totally freaked out.
I call the doctor, she asks me some questions about the bleeding and tells me to call the clinic first thing in the morning to schedule an ultrasound. She also told me that if the bleeding gets super heavy or I start having severe pain, to call her back again. As the evening progresses, the bleeding doesn't really get worse, but i keep going through this cycle of gush some blood, go to the bathroom and pass some very large blood clots, wipe and start over again. This lasts over the course of about 2 hours. By this time I am totally convinced that the baby is gone and tomorrow's ultrasound is going to confirm my fears. I cried myself to sleep knowing that IVF can help me get pregnant, but for some reason my body doesn't want me to stay pregnant.
I wake up this morning and am prepared for the news I am about to receive at the clinic. I am not happy, but I am prepared. I know that God has a plan and someway, somehow I will be a mom, this time just might not be it.
Of course the clinic was super busy this morning, so I tune everyone else out and play games on my phone while I wait to go back for the ultrasound. I can be prepared for the news, but I'm not necessarily prepared to interact with other people. Finally I get to go back for the ultrasound, the tech asks me about the bleeding and we talk about it briefly. She starts the ultrasound and almost immediately says "I see a baby and a heartbeat".
My mouth dropped, this is not what I was expecting to hear. I think I said "what?". She turned the screen towards me and points out the baby and it's flickering heartbeat. I immediately started crying. I was so convinced this baby was gone and here it is .. fine and wonderful. The tech told me she needed to take some measurements and would also be looking for the source of the bleed.
Finally she turns the screen towards me again and shows me that gestational sac, the yolk sac inside and the baby inside. She shows me the area around the gestational sac where the bleed is coming from. She shows me that the baby is located at the top of my uterus where it's supposed to be (I guess if it was lower than it had been before it might signal a miscarriage in progress). She then gives me a close up of the baby again (as much of a close up as you can get at this early stage) and lets me watch the heart beating for a few moments. It's amazing to see that flickering on the screen. I am so in love with this little bean it's crazy!
Next she goes over the measurements with me. I am currently 6 weeks 2 days today, the baby CRL is measuring at 6 weeks 1 day, and the gestational sac is measuring at 6weeks. The baby's heartbeat is 110 beats per minute which is 100% spot on for the 6 week range. The baby's heart rate should increase to at least 120 bpm when I have my 8 week ultrasound.
Next I meet with the doctor who reviews the information with me again. She tells me that there are generally two reasons for the type of bleeding I had - a miscarriage or a subchorionic bleed. In my case she's certain that it is a bleed and not a miscarriage. She said if the pregnancy was behind - meaning I am 6 weeks and measuring at 5 weeks, she would think it's a miscarriage. She also said that it is a slow bleed, which gives it plenty of time to clot and result in the type of bleeding and clots I had yesterday. She said the cramping is most likely a result of the bleeding because it irritates the uterus. The bleed is still there, so it's possible that I will experience more bleeding in the future. But again, as long as the bleeding is not super heavy (meaning I don't fill a pad in an hour or less) and I don't have severe pain, things are fine. But obviously I can always call if I have any questions.
Needless to say, I am over the moon!! Life is good and so far, this pregnancy is too. This really might work this time.
February 25, 2012
February 20, 2012
A scare and an ultrasound
Yesterday I was 5weeks and 3 days pregnant. It was a nervous day for me as this was when I had the bleeding during the last pregnancy. It was a pretty uneventful day and we really didn't do much. We spent most of the day lounging around, but did make it out to the grocery store for a few things.
In the evening I went to the bathroom and as I was sitting there peeing, I was thinking "wow .. I can't believe we made it the entire day and no blood. Tomorrow I will have made it one day longer this time than last time." Then I wiped ...
And there was blood. Not a lot, but it was light red and almost like the first wipe when I realize that my period has started. Of course I was devastated and automatically assumed the worse. My husband though, wouldn't let me think that way. He made me lay down on the couch and encouraged me not to stress. He pointed out that last time I had gushed blood and I had clotting and lots of cramping, all things that I was not experiencing this time.
After a few more trips to the bathroom over the course of a few hours the bleeding was gone. It never got any heavier than the first wipe. Of course by then I was resting in bed and trying not to freak myself out. I knew we had an ultrasound this morning and that either way we would know if we had a baby or not. It was nerve wracking, but I knew there wasn't anything I could do.
This morning I woke up to absolutely no bleeding, just a little bit of brown spotting. I was still have a little bit of cramping, but nothing heavy or too serious. And some felt a little stronger than previous, but at the same time I could have just been paranoid and reading a little more into things because of my nervousness. Regardless, I spent the morning relaxing and laying around in bed and on the couch.
Our ultrasound was scheduled today at 1:30 pm. We got there early because we weren't sure how much traffic we would run into at that time of day. Especially with today being a holiday and so many people being off work. I basically told myself to be prepared for the worst news. And I almost had a panic attack once they brought me back to the waiting area. I wasn't expecting it but they checked my blood pressure and pulse and it was really really high. And I knew it would be because I was so nervous. The nurse told me I needed to go sit in the waiting room and take really deep breaths and try to relax. After almost a 30 minute wait we were finally brought back to the ultrasound room.
The tech informed us that it was too early to actually see a baby, but explained that she would be looking for a gestational sac in the uterus. I was nervous all over again but just tried to lay there and relax. I couldn't look at her face, so instead I turned and looked at Steve. After a few minutes she confirmed that there was a gestational sac, but she needed to check inside and look for the yolk sac. So again another few tense moments while we waited for her to find it. She turned the monitor towards us and showed us the gestational sac and pointed out the yolk sac inside. We were so relieved!!
After that she took measurements of the gestational sac and then checked its location in the uterus she showed us more pictures. She said the lining looked great, the sac was at the top of the uterus where it should be, and that I was measuring right on track. The size of the sac was measuring 5w2days, but she said that's totally within the normal range. We asked if she could tell why I had the bleeding yesterday and she said she looked, but couldn't find any active bleeding. She printed a few pictures and then sent us back out to the waiting room to wait for the doctor.
The doctor came in to see us along with our IVF coordinator. She let us know that everything looks great!! She was very happy and said that we were in great shape. Right now we have less than a 10 percent chance of miscarriage, which is comforting. They want to see us again at 8 weeks for another ultrasound to confirm viability by seeing the baby's heartbeat. The doctor said that at that point we would have a less than 5% chance of miscarriage. Steve and I both agreed, we cannot wait to get to that point. She also told me I could stop taking the baby aspirin and the metformin. So now I am just taking the thyroid pill in the morning and the prenatal at night. And I am still doing the Progesterone in Oil shot at night as well.
We are so thrilled to be where we are. We know that we are not out of the woods yet, but we are one step closer.
In the evening I went to the bathroom and as I was sitting there peeing, I was thinking "wow .. I can't believe we made it the entire day and no blood. Tomorrow I will have made it one day longer this time than last time." Then I wiped ...
And there was blood. Not a lot, but it was light red and almost like the first wipe when I realize that my period has started. Of course I was devastated and automatically assumed the worse. My husband though, wouldn't let me think that way. He made me lay down on the couch and encouraged me not to stress. He pointed out that last time I had gushed blood and I had clotting and lots of cramping, all things that I was not experiencing this time.
After a few more trips to the bathroom over the course of a few hours the bleeding was gone. It never got any heavier than the first wipe. Of course by then I was resting in bed and trying not to freak myself out. I knew we had an ultrasound this morning and that either way we would know if we had a baby or not. It was nerve wracking, but I knew there wasn't anything I could do.
This morning I woke up to absolutely no bleeding, just a little bit of brown spotting. I was still have a little bit of cramping, but nothing heavy or too serious. And some felt a little stronger than previous, but at the same time I could have just been paranoid and reading a little more into things because of my nervousness. Regardless, I spent the morning relaxing and laying around in bed and on the couch.
Our ultrasound was scheduled today at 1:30 pm. We got there early because we weren't sure how much traffic we would run into at that time of day. Especially with today being a holiday and so many people being off work. I basically told myself to be prepared for the worst news. And I almost had a panic attack once they brought me back to the waiting area. I wasn't expecting it but they checked my blood pressure and pulse and it was really really high. And I knew it would be because I was so nervous. The nurse told me I needed to go sit in the waiting room and take really deep breaths and try to relax. After almost a 30 minute wait we were finally brought back to the ultrasound room.
The tech informed us that it was too early to actually see a baby, but explained that she would be looking for a gestational sac in the uterus. I was nervous all over again but just tried to lay there and relax. I couldn't look at her face, so instead I turned and looked at Steve. After a few minutes she confirmed that there was a gestational sac, but she needed to check inside and look for the yolk sac. So again another few tense moments while we waited for her to find it. She turned the monitor towards us and showed us the gestational sac and pointed out the yolk sac inside. We were so relieved!!
After that she took measurements of the gestational sac and then checked its location in the uterus she showed us more pictures. She said the lining looked great, the sac was at the top of the uterus where it should be, and that I was measuring right on track. The size of the sac was measuring 5w2days, but she said that's totally within the normal range. We asked if she could tell why I had the bleeding yesterday and she said she looked, but couldn't find any active bleeding. She printed a few pictures and then sent us back out to the waiting room to wait for the doctor.
The doctor came in to see us along with our IVF coordinator. She let us know that everything looks great!! She was very happy and said that we were in great shape. Right now we have less than a 10 percent chance of miscarriage, which is comforting. They want to see us again at 8 weeks for another ultrasound to confirm viability by seeing the baby's heartbeat. The doctor said that at that point we would have a less than 5% chance of miscarriage. Steve and I both agreed, we cannot wait to get to that point. She also told me I could stop taking the baby aspirin and the metformin. So now I am just taking the thyroid pill in the morning and the prenatal at night. And I am still doing the Progesterone in Oil shot at night as well.
We are so thrilled to be where we are. We know that we are not out of the woods yet, but we are one step closer.
February 11, 2012
Beta's
I have been waiting to write this post until we had both of our beta's done. The reason is that last time it was very stressful as my first beta at 13 days past ovulation was 40 and the second one 2 days later was only a 60. We had to wait 6 more days before we could comfortably confirm that this was a viable pregnancy. So, I wanted to wait till I knew what we were dealing with.
Beta #1 was on Wednesday at 13 days past ovulation and came back at 56. We were thrilled as this number was higher than our starting point last time. Beta #2 was yesterday at 15 days past ovulation and came in at 111. The nurse said it was a perfect double and that they will not do any more beta's. She said the next step is an ultrasound which can't happen until there is something that can be seen. We are scheduled for that on Monday February 20th. I am both nervous and excited for the ultrasound because I will be 5 weeks and 4 days on the 20th, which is one day past when we had the miscarriage last time.
However, over all I am much more calm about things. I think the biggest thing is that I know I have zero control over what happens next. If this pregnancy is meant to happen, it's going to happen and if it's not, there is nothing I can do to change that. I also know that I've been through the worse thing imaginable (at least imaginable for me at this stage) and I made it through it once, I can do it again and will be alright. It's nice actually, because I am finding myself much more relaxed and stress free.
That being said, I am still nervous that we will miscarry. I also still analyze every twitch, twinge, or cramp I feel. I think that I would be that way regardless. I am also a little nervous about my lack of symptoms at this point, although I know that I am only 4 weeks and 2 days right now: there is plenty of time to have symptoms.
Current symptoms:
Beta #1 was on Wednesday at 13 days past ovulation and came back at 56. We were thrilled as this number was higher than our starting point last time. Beta #2 was yesterday at 15 days past ovulation and came in at 111. The nurse said it was a perfect double and that they will not do any more beta's. She said the next step is an ultrasound which can't happen until there is something that can be seen. We are scheduled for that on Monday February 20th. I am both nervous and excited for the ultrasound because I will be 5 weeks and 4 days on the 20th, which is one day past when we had the miscarriage last time.
However, over all I am much more calm about things. I think the biggest thing is that I know I have zero control over what happens next. If this pregnancy is meant to happen, it's going to happen and if it's not, there is nothing I can do to change that. I also know that I've been through the worse thing imaginable (at least imaginable for me at this stage) and I made it through it once, I can do it again and will be alright. It's nice actually, because I am finding myself much more relaxed and stress free.
That being said, I am still nervous that we will miscarry. I also still analyze every twitch, twinge, or cramp I feel. I think that I would be that way regardless. I am also a little nervous about my lack of symptoms at this point, although I know that I am only 4 weeks and 2 days right now: there is plenty of time to have symptoms.
Current symptoms:
- My boobs a little sore and are bigger than normal. I am fully filling out my bra now whereas before I had a little bit of room in them. And I am a big girl in the boob department. My current size is 40DD. If they get much bigger, I might have to think about buying new bras.
- I am having some queasiness. It comes and goes and is never very severe. I seem to notice it the most in the morning and early afternoon. By evening it's usually gone.
- I have occasional mild, light cramping. Most of what I am feeling is actually coming from the area of my left ovary. I think that it is still recovering from all of the meds and egg retrieval. It's always been my more sensitive ovary and I can usually feel "things" going on with it more than the right one.
- I am super super tired!! I have been in bed by 9:30 pm every night this past week. This morning I was up at 7:30 am and took a nap from 11:00 am to 12:30 pm. It's now almost 9:15 pm and I am feeling pretty tired. I think I can make it to 10:00 pm, but not sure I will last past that.
February 6, 2012
Waiting and hoping and peeing on a stick ...
I have been testing daily since Saturday. I knew it was early, but I couldn't help myself. And of course every time I see that absence of a line I am heartbroken. But I kept telling myself that it wasn't over till it was over. This morning I ran out of the FRER's I had been using, so I went to the store to buy more. And when I was at the store, I remembered that last time I didn't get a BFP on the FRER until after my pregnancy had already been confirmed at the doctor's office. So instead I bought EPT and Clear Blue Digital tests. Both of which I had success with in the past.
Of course I couldn't wait to test until I got home from work. Instead, I tested at the end of my lunch break. The EPT looked positive, but then it sort of didn't. I just couldn't be sure. I took a picture at the 2 minute mark and it looked sort of positive (faintly) but the second picture I took a few seconds later looked less positive. 10 minutes later, the positive was gone.
I posted the pics to one of my online forums and most of the girls said it looked like a positive to them. So I decided it was time to pull out the digital test. And guess what ....
At 8 days post 3 day transfer it appears that I might be pregnant again!! Now I just have to wait for my beta in 2 days to confirm and then hopefully a repeat 2 days after that to make sure my numbers are doubling. I am really nervous and hoping that this is the real thing for us this time. Please say a few prayers that we have a sticky bean (or two).
Of course I couldn't wait to test until I got home from work. Instead, I tested at the end of my lunch break. The EPT looked positive, but then it sort of didn't. I just couldn't be sure. I took a picture at the 2 minute mark and it looked sort of positive (faintly) but the second picture I took a few seconds later looked less positive. 10 minutes later, the positive was gone.
I posted the pics to one of my online forums and most of the girls said it looked like a positive to them. So I decided it was time to pull out the digital test. And guess what ....
At 8 days post 3 day transfer it appears that I might be pregnant again!! Now I just have to wait for my beta in 2 days to confirm and then hopefully a repeat 2 days after that to make sure my numbers are doubling. I am really nervous and hoping that this is the real thing for us this time. Please say a few prayers that we have a sticky bean (or two).
February 1, 2012
Frozen Embryos
As of Sunday when we did our 3 day transfer, we still had two additional embryos hanging out in the lab. We were praying and hoping that they would make it to day 6 and be able to freeze. Our clinic is very strict about the embryos that they will freeze and they will not freeze anything that isn't really good quality.
I have been worrying about them for a few days now, but I figured that if they weren't doing well the clinic would have called and let me know that they hadn't made it. Then I decided that at least 1 of them must be doing well for the same reason, they would have called if not. I was following the old "no news is good news" adage, or at least trying to anyways.
Well, I just got the call about them. Both of the embryos made it to freezing!! I am so excited. Especially because these two embryos were not as good quality as the two that we transferred on day 3. I am hoping that means great things for the embryos we transferred. I can't wait to find out if we are pregnant!!
I have been worrying about them for a few days now, but I figured that if they weren't doing well the clinic would have called and let me know that they hadn't made it. Then I decided that at least 1 of them must be doing well for the same reason, they would have called if not. I was following the old "no news is good news" adage, or at least trying to anyways.
Well, I just got the call about them. Both of the embryos made it to freezing!! I am so excited. Especially because these two embryos were not as good quality as the two that we transferred on day 3. I am hoping that means great things for the embryos we transferred. I can't wait to find out if we are pregnant!!
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