It's official - I have an IVF schedule for January!!
Tonight I start birth control pills. I take my pill at night along with a prenatal, a baby aspirin, and 1500 mg of metformin. (I'm actually only taking 500mg right now, but in a few days I will up it to 1000 mg and then a few days after that to the 1500mg). In the morning I take a synthroid pill for my thyroid - the RE decided that my levels were a little elevated before the first IVF, so she put me on the meds to see if it would help during this round. The most recent check of my levels show the meds are working and things look great.
Continuing on with the schedule - on January 3rd I will start the lupron shots in the evening and continue through to retrieval. Last birth control pill is January 7th and I go in on January 12th for a baseline appointment for bloodwork and ultrasound. If all looks good, I will start the stim meds on January 13th. Stim meds consist of bravelle in the morning and repronex in the evening with the lupron. Stims and monitoring continue over the next 10 days or so with daily or every other day checks.
Egg retrieval and transfer week are scheduled for the week of January 22nd. I've already taken a vacation day for Monday January 23rd. If retrieval is Monday or Tuesday, I will use sick hours for those days. Fingers crossed that all goes well. The only problem right now is that we have mandatory training for work the week of January 16th. I am hoping that I am able to be back in time and won't have to be late. Generally in the past I have been no more than 10 or 15 minutes past 8.
I am excited as I feel that things are slowly but surely falling into place. I already have the bravelle and the repronex. I only need to Lupron and then antibiotic for the retrieval and another pill that serves as an anti rejection med for transfer and progesterone in oil. These are shots that have to be taken after the retrieval and through the 12th week of pregnancy if it works. They are not exactly the most exciting shot to get because they have to be given intramuscular which means at the top of my butt. And unfortunately, I cannot give them to myself which means I have to find someone to give them to me every night. Last time my mom did it, even when Steve was home because he doesn't like needles and these needles are MASSIVE!!
Anyways .. hopefully 6 weeks from now I will be pregnant. A part of me can't think of any other option. It worked the first time, so it should work again right?
December 18, 2011
December 9, 2011
Office Party
Yesterday was my work office party. Why so early you ask? Well, there are several reasons we (and by we I mean my boss) decided to have the party this week. The first reason is that as I mentioned in another post my work place is going through major changes and we have 10 new people starting next Monday morning. (Basically they closed down our call center and moved those positions to the campus). The majority of the office wanted to have our party before all the new people came ... there are already 14 people in my office so that's a pretty big party anyways. Imagine adding 10 more complete strangers to the mix ... ahhhhh. The second reason it was decided to have the party early is because in addition to the new people starting next week, half of our office is in training for the new changes Monday through Thursday. And lastly, again because of the changes, our office will be closed next Friday to allow them to take down all of our cubicles and reconstruct the entire office to accommodate the new arrivals. This means that the rest of us will be working 4 ten hour days on Monday through Thursday. Hence, no time or desire to have a holiday party next week. And the following week is the week of Christmas and the ladies in my office are far too busy to make time for a party.
The party was held at our boss's house, which was nice because that meant that the alcohol could freely flow. In addition, somehow she convinced our campus president that because we were also doing some team building exercises (i.e. holiday games) we needed to close our office 2 hours early at 3:00pm. He was totally on board!! I don't even want to know how she made that happen. So at 3 we all closed up shop and headed out to the boss's house.
There was lots of food and of course drinks to go around. I stuck to pop. It's always safer that way as I tend to get "loose lips" when I drink and lord only knows what kind of a fool I would have made of myself then. We decided that eating was the first order of business and quickly dived into the many treats we had all contributed. After the food we played our "team building" games. Good thing too cause wouldn't you know, the campus president showed up just before we started them. And thankfully there were only 2 games and it felt eerily like a bridal shower.
Finally we were ready for the whole purpose of having the office party, the GIFT WAR. We have played the gift war every year for the past 4 years and every year it provides a few hours of fun and entertainment. See, we all bring a wrapped gift to the party (somewhere in the $15-$20 range). Everyone who brings a gift has their name placed in a hat/bucket/bowl and the game is started when the host picks the first name out of the hat. That person then chooses a present to open. Once she opens the present and displays for all to see, she chooses the next name. The next person gets to either open a present, or can steal the present the first person opened. This continues until all presents have been opened. If your present gets stolen, then you get the opportunity to either steal someone else's present or open a new one. Once a new present is opened, the next name is pulled and the game continues. This game can be quite fun as certain presents are highly sought after and can change hands many times throughout the game. The more people you have the more fun it is too.
Another aspect of the game is being the person who brings the most sought after gift. You know how there are people out there that just know how to pick the perfect gift? Well in this game, that person gets so much self satisfaction out of having the gift that everyone wanted to have. And for us, there was no exception to that. It's always best too to be the last person to choose because you get to set off a whole series of steals over the most coveted gifts.
I always feel bad for the person (people) who pick a gift to open that no one else wants and they get stuck with it. It's almost always my experience that the first person and the person who finally picks the last gift end up with the worst gifts. Ok, not the worst gifts, but the gifts that no one else seems to want. And not only was yesterday our office Christmas party but it was also my 5 year anniversary with the company. Go me!! That is how I ended up being the one to pick first. Last year I got to pick last which was great!!
By the end of the night the most coveted gift was about 4 different items. The first being a bottle of wine. The second being a bottle of wine and wine accessories. The third was a miscellaneous bag of candles and pretty candle holders. The fourth was a basket with snowmen votive holders and a plug in star with snowmen painted on the front. It's amazing how competitive these girls got over a bottle of wine .. lol. I ended up with none of these. I picked a reed diffuser set that sits on a plate with rocks and two votive candle holders. It was pretty and would have looked nice in my home. In the end though I felt bad for another girl who picked a stuffed dog and big can of popcorn. Her kids are in high school and she had no one she could even regift to, so I traded knowing that I have a seven year old nephew who would absolutely love a new stuffed friend and could eat popcorn night and day.
In the end, it was a really nice party and fun was had by all. Now it's back to the daily grind and all the craziness the holidays bring. Along with all the craziness that adding 10 new coworkers to our office will entail. Wish me luck!!!
The party was held at our boss's house, which was nice because that meant that the alcohol could freely flow. In addition, somehow she convinced our campus president that because we were also doing some team building exercises (i.e. holiday games) we needed to close our office 2 hours early at 3:00pm. He was totally on board!! I don't even want to know how she made that happen. So at 3 we all closed up shop and headed out to the boss's house.
There was lots of food and of course drinks to go around. I stuck to pop. It's always safer that way as I tend to get "loose lips" when I drink and lord only knows what kind of a fool I would have made of myself then. We decided that eating was the first order of business and quickly dived into the many treats we had all contributed. After the food we played our "team building" games. Good thing too cause wouldn't you know, the campus president showed up just before we started them. And thankfully there were only 2 games and it felt eerily like a bridal shower.
Finally we were ready for the whole purpose of having the office party, the GIFT WAR. We have played the gift war every year for the past 4 years and every year it provides a few hours of fun and entertainment. See, we all bring a wrapped gift to the party (somewhere in the $15-$20 range). Everyone who brings a gift has their name placed in a hat/bucket/bowl and the game is started when the host picks the first name out of the hat. That person then chooses a present to open. Once she opens the present and displays for all to see, she chooses the next name. The next person gets to either open a present, or can steal the present the first person opened. This continues until all presents have been opened. If your present gets stolen, then you get the opportunity to either steal someone else's present or open a new one. Once a new present is opened, the next name is pulled and the game continues. This game can be quite fun as certain presents are highly sought after and can change hands many times throughout the game. The more people you have the more fun it is too.
Another aspect of the game is being the person who brings the most sought after gift. You know how there are people out there that just know how to pick the perfect gift? Well in this game, that person gets so much self satisfaction out of having the gift that everyone wanted to have. And for us, there was no exception to that. It's always best too to be the last person to choose because you get to set off a whole series of steals over the most coveted gifts.
I always feel bad for the person (people) who pick a gift to open that no one else wants and they get stuck with it. It's almost always my experience that the first person and the person who finally picks the last gift end up with the worst gifts. Ok, not the worst gifts, but the gifts that no one else seems to want. And not only was yesterday our office Christmas party but it was also my 5 year anniversary with the company. Go me!! That is how I ended up being the one to pick first. Last year I got to pick last which was great!!
By the end of the night the most coveted gift was about 4 different items. The first being a bottle of wine. The second being a bottle of wine and wine accessories. The third was a miscellaneous bag of candles and pretty candle holders. The fourth was a basket with snowmen votive holders and a plug in star with snowmen painted on the front. It's amazing how competitive these girls got over a bottle of wine .. lol. I ended up with none of these. I picked a reed diffuser set that sits on a plate with rocks and two votive candle holders. It was pretty and would have looked nice in my home. In the end though I felt bad for another girl who picked a stuffed dog and big can of popcorn. Her kids are in high school and she had no one she could even regift to, so I traded knowing that I have a seven year old nephew who would absolutely love a new stuffed friend and could eat popcorn night and day.
In the end, it was a really nice party and fun was had by all. Now it's back to the daily grind and all the craziness the holidays bring. Along with all the craziness that adding 10 new coworkers to our office will entail. Wish me luck!!!
December 8, 2011
Blah
Today I am feeling very blah. I do not know if it is holiday blues, weather blues, Steve being away blues or just general blues. Regardless, I am feeling blue. And yes .. this is a whiny post .. so stop now if you really don't want to hear it.
Here are the many things going on that make me feel blue right now:
I think sometimes it takes putting all your sadness down on paper (or computer) to truly see how amazing your life really is and how your small sadnesses, while not unimportant, just aren't that bad. Life could be a lot more difficult for me and there are a lot of people out there who would love to have the life I do. So here I go, pulling up my boot straps and getting on with it.
Thanks for letting me have my moment of sadness and self pity. Now back to reality.
Here are the many things going on that make me feel blue right now:
- I am sick and tired of being cooped up in the house between my bedroom and the kitchen.
- I am having a hard time looking at the destruction in the hallway and the mess that is still in the living room.
- I am sad because I will not be able to decorate for Christmas this year
- My younger sister just announced that she is having another baby (there are a lot of issues here and this is an extremely emotional and upsetting thing for me.)
- My older brother and his future wife are having a baby (they are due about 3 weeks after I was).
- My husband is away and won't be home for another 4 days. He was home longer than normal this time which makes his leaving more difficult.
- The weather has been wet and rainy here and now we are seeing snow - yuck!!
- We are starting to have major changes here at work and if you can't tell by now, I don't really do well with change.
- I am worried about starting the IVF again next month.
- I feel a little lost right now and am not sure where I belong in life.
- I feel lonely and alone sometimes.
I think sometimes it takes putting all your sadness down on paper (or computer) to truly see how amazing your life really is and how your small sadnesses, while not unimportant, just aren't that bad. Life could be a lot more difficult for me and there are a lot of people out there who would love to have the life I do. So here I go, pulling up my boot straps and getting on with it.
Thanks for letting me have my moment of sadness and self pity. Now back to reality.
December 2, 2011
IVF vs Adoption
As previously posted in an earlier blog post, Steve and I were intending to do IVF #2 in November. But because of the major water leak in our house, we decided that we needed to postpone until after the first of the year. The biggest reason for this decision was stress levels. I am an easily stressed person and I am also a person who hates to live in chaos. We knew that the process of fixing the water damage in our house would leave us living in chaos for several weeks (we are still not fixed yet). The second reason we decided to wait was money. We knew that we were going to have to pay a deductible for our home owners insurance and we only had so much money in savings to pay for the IVF and meds. There just wasn't enough to do both and obviously fixing our house needed to come first.
After making the decision to postpone the IVF, we also began pondering whether or not this was still what we wanted to do. We again began considering the idea of adoption. Ultimately the goal for us is to have a baby. But I have always wanted to be pregnant. There are many good reasons to adopt and there are many good reasons to do the IVF, but I know ultimately I have to decide how important it is to be pregnant. Steve was totally and completely supportive of whatever decision I decided to make (because let's be honest, I had to make this decision but I didn't resent that because he assured me he was fine with anything I decided). We decided to research adoption a little bit and wait to make any decision until after we dealt with the house. Steve didn't want the pressure of decision making on top of the stress of house decision making and I think he was so right in feeling this way.
I had many preconceived notions about adoption. My biggest fear about domestic adoption was adopting a baby, falling in love with that baby, and then having the birth mother come back before the adoption is finalized and taking the baby back. I think that would be so incredibly hard!! I would hate for that to happen and have often thought I wouldn't consider adoption because of this fear. The other worry I had was about international adoption vs domestic adoption. I've always heard that it's easier to adopt internationally than it is domestically, but it's more difficult to adopt a baby internationally. I've only know a few people who were adopted or whom adopted a child. My next door neighbor was adopted and her birth mother was a family member of her adoptive parents. My sister in law's parents adopted two children from Romania and they were toddlers when adopted. So I had many preconceived notions, but I knew I needed to get past my fear and get informed. How could I make a decision without knowing as much as possible?
I started the adoption research process. First I called a good friend in Florida who had been through all of the infertility options except for IVF. I knew that she would be a great person to talk to about why she chose to do adoption over IVF. She gave me some great advice and some really good resources to start with. She explained how her adoption worked and how a few of her friends adoptions through the same network/agency had worked. From there I researched online and began investigating adoption agencies. My friend also found me a website that links to each states adoption laws and that was a great resource to have. I also started reading a blog "Portrait of An Adoption". Because November is National Adoption Month, the authors of this blog had a guest blogger every day of the month. Guest bloggers included adoptive parents, birth parents, and grown adopted children. It was an eye opening experience and gave me lots of things to think and ponder about.
Here's what I found out about adoption as it applies to me:
Another major influence in this decision is my health care coverage. We paid for our first IVF and medications completely out of pocket. If we do another round of IVF, we already have meds that our clinic donated to us. Also, my insurance coverage is changing after the first of the year. My insurance will now cover up to 50% of the costs of IVF with a maximum lifetime amount of $10000. Between the insurance and the money we have saved, we could do 2 IVF's if we wanted to.
After researching options and looking at the changes in our insurance coverage, we have decided to pursue another round of IVF. At this point our doctor is positive that I will be able to carry a baby and have a viable pregnancy as long as we can get good quality embryos. I want to give the option of pregnancy one more shot. I don't know what the future holds. Adoption may be in the cards for us yet. And who knows, if it doesn't work, maybe we will decide that it's just better to be great Aunts and Uncles and give up the idea of being parents. I believe it's in Gods hands now and we can only try to walk the path he leads us on.
After making the decision to postpone the IVF, we also began pondering whether or not this was still what we wanted to do. We again began considering the idea of adoption. Ultimately the goal for us is to have a baby. But I have always wanted to be pregnant. There are many good reasons to adopt and there are many good reasons to do the IVF, but I know ultimately I have to decide how important it is to be pregnant. Steve was totally and completely supportive of whatever decision I decided to make (because let's be honest, I had to make this decision but I didn't resent that because he assured me he was fine with anything I decided). We decided to research adoption a little bit and wait to make any decision until after we dealt with the house. Steve didn't want the pressure of decision making on top of the stress of house decision making and I think he was so right in feeling this way.
I had many preconceived notions about adoption. My biggest fear about domestic adoption was adopting a baby, falling in love with that baby, and then having the birth mother come back before the adoption is finalized and taking the baby back. I think that would be so incredibly hard!! I would hate for that to happen and have often thought I wouldn't consider adoption because of this fear. The other worry I had was about international adoption vs domestic adoption. I've always heard that it's easier to adopt internationally than it is domestically, but it's more difficult to adopt a baby internationally. I've only know a few people who were adopted or whom adopted a child. My next door neighbor was adopted and her birth mother was a family member of her adoptive parents. My sister in law's parents adopted two children from Romania and they were toddlers when adopted. So I had many preconceived notions, but I knew I needed to get past my fear and get informed. How could I make a decision without knowing as much as possible?
I started the adoption research process. First I called a good friend in Florida who had been through all of the infertility options except for IVF. I knew that she would be a great person to talk to about why she chose to do adoption over IVF. She gave me some great advice and some really good resources to start with. She explained how her adoption worked and how a few of her friends adoptions through the same network/agency had worked. From there I researched online and began investigating adoption agencies. My friend also found me a website that links to each states adoption laws and that was a great resource to have. I also started reading a blog "Portrait of An Adoption". Because November is National Adoption Month, the authors of this blog had a guest blogger every day of the month. Guest bloggers included adoptive parents, birth parents, and grown adopted children. It was an eye opening experience and gave me lots of things to think and ponder about.
Here's what I found out about adoption as it applies to me:
- Domestic adoptions are possible and not as difficult as I thought. You have a pretty good chance of adopting a newborn, but there are many steps involved in the process and the process may take a long time to get "matched" with a birth mother.
- An international adoption is probably not the best fit for Steve and I. I cannot imagine traveling to a foreign country and possibly living there for weeks or months on end to bring home a child.
- I love the idea of an open adoption, but it scares me at the same time.
- After reading things by adopted children that are now adults, I am afraid that if we adopted our child would one day resent the fact that we tried fertility treatments and feel like he/she was our "second choice". I would never want a child to feel that way and as a worrier, I think that might happen.
- I do not care if I am biologically related to my child.
- Foster adoption sounds like a great option, but my state only features children to adopt on the state website that are older children or young children with major health problems. I am not prepared to raise an older child at this point and I do not know if I want to raise a "sick" baby. I know that may sound callous, but I don't think any parent willingly says "give me a sick baby". If your child is sick you do what you have to do and I would be prepared to do that, but I just don't know if I could do it by choice.
Another major influence in this decision is my health care coverage. We paid for our first IVF and medications completely out of pocket. If we do another round of IVF, we already have meds that our clinic donated to us. Also, my insurance coverage is changing after the first of the year. My insurance will now cover up to 50% of the costs of IVF with a maximum lifetime amount of $10000. Between the insurance and the money we have saved, we could do 2 IVF's if we wanted to.
After researching options and looking at the changes in our insurance coverage, we have decided to pursue another round of IVF. At this point our doctor is positive that I will be able to carry a baby and have a viable pregnancy as long as we can get good quality embryos. I want to give the option of pregnancy one more shot. I don't know what the future holds. Adoption may be in the cards for us yet. And who knows, if it doesn't work, maybe we will decide that it's just better to be great Aunts and Uncles and give up the idea of being parents. I believe it's in Gods hands now and we can only try to walk the path he leads us on.
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